Parents are majorly expanding the guest list; how do I politely explain that we only want family and

cmcoudret87 · February 2010

My parents have decided that since they are paying for the wedding they can invite all of their friends and old teachers. Many of these people are those that I barely know, or haven't even met and I know that my fiance certainly doesn't know them. Is there anything I can do without becoming a "bridezilla"?

AdeleDazeem · February 2010

Since they are paying, they can invite who they want. It's probably not the answer you want to hear, but there it is.

jagore08 · February 2010

You can try and sit down with them (both you and your FI) but like pp said, they're paying so they get the final say.

If you sit down with them say something like:

I really appreciate that you want to share this day with everyone but we would really like to have just family and close friends at the wedding. We'd really just like to have the people that we're closest to there to share in our day.

megk8oz · February 2010

If you want 100% control of the guest list, you need to pay for 100% of the wedding. That may not be what you wanted to hear, but your parents are allowed to do whatever they want with their money.

trix1223 · February 2010

They pay.....they say. If you want a wedding with only your nearest and dearest, then start saving and pay for it yourself.

KaserLeigh · February 2010

Maybe you can make a compromise like my parents and me did. They're paying for the recception, the ceremony was basically free... so they felt as if they could invite all their friends. however, I told them that since most of their money was going towards the reception they could invite whoever they wanted to that. I just wanted my friends and family at the ceremony. They were ok with that... and so were their friends. I wanted intimacy at the ceremony, but want to party it up at the reception so the more the merrier! Plus... a lot of people don't want to sit through a boring ceremony of people they hardly know anyway... so their friends will probably be glad to hear they're only invited to the reception. Good luck!

duckie1905 · February 2010

If they are paying they get to invite as many people as they want. If you want control you need to pay.

redheadfsu · February 2010

Ditto they pay = they say. When someone pays for the party they control the guest list, weddings are no different.

Jbryant8130 · February 2010

I'm having a similar problem but my parents are only contributing a portion and FI and I are doing more than half so I'm just going to sit down with them and explain that while yes, they are paying for parts of the wedding, we really only want those closest to us in attendance and if they'd rather use part of what tehy're contributing for a seperate party after the fact wherein they can invite every person we've ever met then that's their option but this isn't a day about those people. Sorry you're having problems, best of luck!

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

They are right. Paying gives them control over the guest list. You can sit down and have a conversation and try to get them to come around to your way of thinking, but ultimately, it's their decision.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

We did a destination wedding, which automatically cut down on the friends/coworkers/distant relatives option. As it stands, though, were also paying for the bulk of the shindig, so we have the bargaining clout to be able to turn down any attempted add-ons.

golden1215 · March 2010

While I agree with everyone else- if they pay they can do the inviting- how sad that this is even an issue. It's your wedding, if your parents would truly disregard your sincere wishes on your big day, I feel that's pretty selfish and disrepectful.

cellarius · March 2010

i totally disagree on since they're paying they can invite whoever. um it's your wedding. yes they can invite some people because they're paying but definitely not the majority or a ton of people you don't even know, that's just ridiculous. they have no need to add anyone but their very very close friends & i doubt that's who they're trying to include. there's nothing at all wrong with telling them how you feel & if they're really paying because they love you & want you to have a great memorable wedding they would respect what you want. i would talk to them & explain that while you understand they're paying & that's very generous, this day is supposed to be about you celebrating your marriage with those you love not your parents acquaintances. yes them paying is something nice but it doesn't entitle them to doing whatever they want. i hate when ppl act like if someone's paying they have free reign, that is not true & really makes no sense. it's really not doing you any favors if it's more like they're throwing a party for their friends & you being married is just an excuse. if they're doing it for you, then they should do it for you & not for themselves so they should respect your wishes. it's not at all rude to ask that of them.

it's totally acceptable you want to share your day with your friends & family & people that mean something special to you. just tell them you want that vibe of closeness with everyone at your wedding. not random people they know that prolly don't even care if you're married.. so you would appreciate them limiting the strangers to 10, 20, or whatever #..

AdeleDazeem · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_parents-majorly-expanding-guest-list-politely-explain-only-want-family-people-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:1e3c24de-8ff9-4fea-889a-09d2eb223af9Post:9f7b9acc-ad32-4fda-aab9-a6a6c72b1cb0">Re: Parents are majorly expanding the guest list; how do I politely explain that we only want family and people we know at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] if they're doing it for you, then they should do it for you & not for themselves so they should respect your wishes. it's not at all rude to ask that of them. it's totally acceptable you want to share your day with your friends & family & people that mean something special to you. just tell them you want that vibe of closeness with everyone at your wedding. not random people they know that prolly don't even care if you're married.. so you would appreciate them limiting the strangers to 10, 20, or whatever #..
Posted by cellarius[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, it is the parents' money to do with as they see fit. Yes, I agree that you can talk to your parents and voice your concerns over the guest list. But, you can't start dictating exactly where their money is going. Essentially a wedding is a party and the paying parents are the hosts. If they want to invite their friends to a party they are paying for, then they have every right to do so.

If you want complete control over every aspect of your wedding, including the guest list and those who are paying now won't give you that sort of control with their money, then you are at a loss. It's time to pay for it yourself.

jagore08 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_parents-majorly-expanding-guest-list-politely-explain-only-want-family-people-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:1e3c24de-8ff9-4fea-889a-09d2eb223af9Post:9f7b9acc-ad32-4fda-aab9-a6a6c72b1cb0">Re: Parents are majorly expanding the guest list; how do I politely explain that we only want family and people we know at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]i totally disagree on since they're paying they can invite whoever. um it's your wedding. yes they can invite some people because they're paying but definitely not the majority or a ton of people you don't even know, that's just ridiculous. they have no need to add anyone but their very very close friends & i doubt that's who they're trying to include. there's nothing at all wrong with telling them how you feel & if they're really paying because they love you & want you to have a great memorable wedding they would respect what you want. i would talk to them & explain that while you understand they're paying & that's very generous, this day is supposed to be about you celebrating your marriage with those you love not your parents acquaintances. yes them paying is something nice but it doesn't entitle them to doing whatever they want. i hate when ppl act like if someone's paying they have free reign, that is not true & really makes no sense. it's really not doing you any favors if it's more like they're throwing a party for their friends & you being married is just an excuse. if they're doing it for you, then they should do it for you & not for themselves so they should respect your wishes. it's not at all rude to ask that of them. it's totally acceptable you want to share your day with your friends & family & people that mean something special to you. just tell them you want that vibe of closeness with everyone at your wedding. not random people they know that prolly don't even care if you're married.. so you would appreciate them limiting the strangers to 10, 20, or whatever #..
Posted by cellarius[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Unfortunately accepting money = strings attached. Honestly, if her parents say well we're paying for it and we'll invite who we want then she either needs to accept it or say thanks for wanting to pay but if that's the way it is then we can't accept your money.</div><div>
</div><div>If you want total control then you have to pay for it yourselves. End of story.</div>

krissydawn16 · March 2010

My FMIL keeps expanding our list and saying "Don't worry, I'm going to pay for it." BUT I NEVER ASKED HER TO!!!!!!!!!! How do I approach that one?! She is paying for the traditionally groom family things, but not the reception - because I want to maintain control of that... but it's obviously not working.

Lynze01 · March 2010

I don't agree with most of the posts above. Just because they are paying they don't get to invite everyone they want. Especially if you have alreayd established a caterer, venue, alcohol, etc.... It isn't going to work in anyone's favor for you to have a wedding planned and a price per person figured out according to your budget, and then have the guest list doubled. If that is the point of wedding planning your in, you can just explain that we have already planned for $$$ per person and we have already invited XXX number of people, and at this time adding more people to the guest list would put you over budget. Maybe you can make a back up list for when you start getting RSVPs back that say no, you can send out list B. Keep in mind they do want to invited people that are important to them so be kind when saying this.

Parents are majorly expanding the guest list; how do I politely explain that we only want family and

Re: Parents are majorly expanding the guest list; how do I politely explain that we only want family and

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