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Invite FIRST Kids?

grayfanggrayfang member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I volunteer at a local school for a FIRST Robotics team. The team consists of 20ish high school students, and I end up working with the same students until they graduate. I'd like to invite some of them to the wedding, but since the ceremony and reception are in the same location i cant invite them to one and not the other. I'm 25, so not too much older than them, and I'm not worried about them seeing me having fun. Thought, advise, or tips?





EDIT: Thanks for all the great advise I'll definitely invite them as a group or none at all. Maybe I'll just invite the few parents who manage the team? I see these people far more than all the cousins on my Alist.
Just some more infomy relationship with most of them isn't teacher/student I treat them more like younger siblings. This what I do for fun, so I have fun with them.


EDIT2: Renamed thread to better reflect situation
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Re: Invite FIRST Kids?

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    Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Does your school have a policy on aduts and students socializing together?  I realize you are a volunteer so school policies may not apply to you, but I think adhereing to the same policies that school faculty have to follow is probably a good place to start.

    Do you think you can invite all 20?   If not, would it cause hurt feelings to invite some kids but not all of them?  How old are they?   You may need to invite their parents too, especially if they are freshmen or sophomores (seniors who can drive themselves might be okay without parents, but I think most parents would be nervous about letting kids attend a party with an open bar with no direct parental supervision).
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-students?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ec290-c8d6-4cf4-b4f8-47264e3f3188Post:e5aaed2b-7ad9-4813-ac06-2bc73962785d">Invite Students?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I volunteer at a local school for a FIRST Robotics team. The team consists of 20ish high school students, and I end up working with the same students until they graduate. I'd like to invite some of them to the wedding, but since the ceremony and reception are in the same location i cant invite them to one and not the other. I'm 25, so not too much older than them, and I'm not worried about them seeing me having fun. Thought, advise, or tips?
    Posted by grayfang[/QUOTE]


    In terms of the ceremony and reception you can't invite them to one and not the other because it's rude. Otherwise, ditto Avion.



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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited October 2012
    I'm a HS teacher and would not, nor did I, invite any of my students to my wedding, even those I am pretty close to. But then I'm not friends with them on FB and many of my fellow teachers are, so take my advice with that in mind. I just think there should be a line between personal and professional lives when dealing with kids. Now I know your situation is different in that you're not their classroom teacher so your relationship with them is already slightly different in that regard and perhaps you have a different bond with them.

    I would still say the safe thing is to not invite them. Beyond any possible repercussions on the job front, etc., I would feel like I'd have to watch everything I said, did, if I was drinking, etc. if I had students present. I would feel like I couldn't stop being "teacher" with them around. I will say if you decide to invite any of them, they need to be invited to both the ceremony and reception.

    ETA: If you didn't invite them but were interested in sharing your wedding with them, you could always bring in pictures when you get them and share them with the kids.

    ETA (again): I also think you need to be careful about only inviting some of that group and not others. It sounds like it's a pretty close group if it's only 20 kids and they stay together and work together all four years of HS. Knowing my students, if you only invited half of them or a hand full, word would get out and feelings would be hurt; some might also feel you are playing favorites, etc. I think with kids, not inviting the whole group causes more problems than if this same group was a group of adults working together. Different dynamic and ages.


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    sarabellamsarabellam member
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    BAD idea, especially if you pick some students over others. Keep your personal life exactly that, personal.

    And thanks for volunteering in your local school. We need more people with "real world" expertise working with the students.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    I wouldn't invite any of your current students. As PP's said, there is a line between teachers and students (especially in HS, college is a little different) that needs to be maintained. If there are any students who have graduated that you are still close with, I think that may be ok, but until there is no longer a teacher/student tie (they graduate/ transfer), I don't think it's a good idea. Just bring in some pictures.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Don't do this.  The reasons:

    1) It's crossing the lines of professionalism.  Your personal life should be limited to those with whom you have personal relationships.  It's hard to maintain "respect" from students, especially adolescents, when they do observe you having "fun."

    2) Logistical reasons.  How would they get to the wedding and home, assuming they don't drive?  They would have to be dropped off and picked up by adults.  If the adults aren't invited, they won't be supervised.

    3) Does your school allow you to accept gifts from students? Some don't. If not, you're going to hurt anyone who gives you one by having to return it to them.  And it's not polite to tell people not to give you a gift in advance.
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    thurmanpowellthurmanpowell
    First Comment
    As someone who was in FRIST in Highschool, I say Invite them all or none at all. For whatever reason approval of our mentors mattered a lot to people and it woud have sucked to not get invited when some of the other team members were.

    As for people saying it's not professional, I disagree in this case. FIRST isn't a job, it's a mentoring program (in which you get to build a robot!). Our school had a lot of College students mentoring and quite a few of our students ended up dating mentors when they themselves went to college. It's not usually a student/teacher relationship.
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    grayfanggrayfang member
    First Comment
    edited October 2012
    Aha! I was hoping to hear from someone else in the FIRST community couldn't find anything about it on Chief Delphi, lol. Thanks so much! Another question: if I'm inviting some of the other mentors (parents) do I need to invite a guest to supervise each student?
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I think that there actually is an etiquette guideline, if not rule, that when minors are invited, there has to be an adult to chaperone them.  (I'm not positive about this though.) That's why kids are usually invited with parents, or if not parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc. 

    For high schoolers, it might not be necessary, but they are going to have to arrange for transportation to the wedding, and if you do this, you will have to treat the supervising adults as guests in their own right.  They will have to be offered the same hospitality and amenities as all the other guests.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-students?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ec290-c8d6-4cf4-b4f8-47264e3f3188Post:e5aaed2b-7ad9-4813-ac06-2bc73962785d">Invite Students?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I volunteer at a local school for a FIRST Robotics team. The team consists of 20ish high school students, and I end up working with the same students until they graduate. I'd like to invite some of them to the wedding, but since the ceremony and reception are in the same location i cant invite them to one and not the other. I'm 25, so not too much older than them, and I'm not worried about them seeing me having fun. Thought, advise, or tips? EDIT: Thanks for all the great advise I'll definitely invite them as a group or none at all. Maybe I'll just invite the few parents who manage the team? I see these people far more than all the cousins <strong>on my Alis</strong>t. Just some more infomy relationship with most of them isn't teacher/student I treat them more like younger siblings. This what I do for fun, so I have fun with them.
    Posted by grayfang[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You should just have a list. Not an A/B List.

    </div>
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    CA.GiraffeCA.Giraffe member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    As a parent whose son does FIRST, I would feel a little awkward if he was invited to his advisor's wedding. I's presume alcohol would be served, and I'd think twice about sending my kid to an event where a bunch of 20somethings were partying it up. I think it's great you're so close to the kids though!
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    madeline&mattmadeline&matt member
    First Comment
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-students?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ec290-c8d6-4cf4-b4f8-47264e3f3188Post:a955ee6d-492f-4051-b361-2049c355c4c8">Re:Invite FIRST Kids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]As a parent whose son does FIRST, I would feel a little awkward if he was invited to his advisor's wedding. I's presume alcohol would be served, and I'd think twice about sending my kid to an event where a bunch of 20somethings were partying it up. I think it's great you're so close to the kids though!
    Posted by CA.Giraffe[/QUOTE]

    <div>I completely agree. I think it's fabulous that you're close to the kids you mentor, but if I were a parent I would find it to be inappropriate. I mentored other college students while in school and if I were still there I wouldn't invite any of my current "mentees" to my wedding. I know you said that you are close to them and don't care if they see you having fun but it just sits funny with me. </div><div>
    </div><div>If you choose to invite them anyway, you should invite all of them <em>and</em> their parents. </div>
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    MrsGandthebeagMrsGandthebeag member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    I work in a school too and definitely see the need to draw the line between your personal life and your professional life.  Too many teachers (I realize your not a teacher) have students as FB friends and blur the line.  Don't invite the kids to your wedding.  It's inappropriate.  
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    pearlaquapearlaqua member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I was relly hoping OP was going to ask about how to invite Sasha and Malia Obama to her wedding...
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