I posted something more like a vent on my month board about this, but you ladies give such great advise, I thought maybe you could help me out.
When we first got engaged, FI's parents offered to pay for their guests to our wedding, but only if we had a full Hindu ceremony, invited the number of people they wanted, got married in NY (we live in NH), and only if they had approval of anything we bought before we bought it. We declined the offer since it had so many string attached. My parents graciously stepped forward and offered to pay so that we could have a wedding everyone would be happy with. My parents have never offered an opinion on anything wedding related, unless asked, and are letting us having the wedding that we want.
Originally we wanted to get married with a JP with 50 people for cocktails and apps in the afternoon for a couple of hours. FI's parents were horrified by this suggestion. So we are now inviting 165 with a full meal in the evening. Then they said that they wanted there to be multiple vegetarian options since so many of their family is vegetarian. Fine, we found a place to accommodate that. Then they wanted their to be Indian food served, so we had to find a place to accommodate that. Then they wanted a full Hindu ceremony, but we compromised and are incorporating some Hindu elements into a ceremony. We set a guest list with them before we booked the venue and they were totally fine with it. 8 months later, they wanted to invite 25 more people. We compromised and invited 10 more people.
Now 8 other people have invited themselves to our wedding and in Indian culture it's considered rude not to invite people when they invite themselves (supposedly). FFIL had a contusion when we refused to invite these people. FSIL overheard this blow up and proceeded to lecture FI and I about how disrespectful we're being and how we should invite them since her parents are planning on giving us a big present for the wedding (ummm that's the first I've heard of that) and that money would cover any extra costs. I finally just told her that this wasn't her business and she needed to butt out.
The next day FSIL sent my FI an email saying that he's forgotten his roots and how to be Indian and that he's being rude blah blah blah. FI and I decided we weren't going to engage her in this since it wasn't her business. A week later, FSIL texted FI and asked about the email- his only response was that this wasn't her place to get involved.
FI talked to his mom and she said that she understood that no more people would be invited and she had handled it with the dad.
Today I got another email from FSIL saying that she talked to her dad and he still thinks everything is unresolved. She went on this total guilt trip about how disrespectful we were and how this was all bullsh*t about the guest list being set- that for her wedding they changed things until the last few weeks. The email went on and on.
What do you think we should do about FSIL? She's a thorn in my side and I'm over it. What about the parents? I feel like we're having this huge wedding just to make them happy, but they're still not happy. I'm at the end of my rope. Why do people get so crazy about weddings?! Sorry this was so long!
May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations
