Wedding Etiquette Forum

STD-destination?

Hi there.  Our wedding will be in Vegas, so the majority of our friends will be coming from NYC and LA, and family will be coming from MD and upstate NY.  We had planned for 100 guests, but our preliminary list with family and friends goes WAY over.  Due to the 'destination,' we know a decent amount will not be able to make it, so we have 'A-list' and 'B-list's.  For the STD, is there a classy way to include some sort of RSVP without being tacky?  It's just that we know certain people won't be able to make it, but if we want to invite 'list-B' people, we feel like they should receive a STD early as well to make travel preparations.  Does this make sense? And again...trying to be classy and respectful...Thanks!

Re: STD-destination?

  • Unfortunately I don't think there is a way to do what you're talking about without it being tacky. 

    I'm in the same situation, though, so I feel your pain. Perhaps those in Los Angeles don't need to receive STDs since the distance is not as far to travel? But you'll still need to plan on your whole list attending so that doesn't really help matters.

    Sorry man. B-listing is not a great topic around here.
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  • There is no polite way to do B-listing, and you should plan for 100% attendance.  I know that might sound silly with a destination wedding, but you never know what people will decide to do, and it would be a really bad situation to be in if you cannot afford or fit everyone that RSVPs "yes."  

    I would make the guestlist of people you want to attend the wedding, without thinking about how likely it is that they will attend.  It's fine to prioritize this list in your mind, just don't tier the actual invitations.  Find a venue that can fit your entire guestlist at a price you can afford.  If you end up with less people than you planned for, you will either save money or be able to stretch your budget by upgrading your food/bar/etc.  

    Oh, and on the RSVP question.  It's not really fair to ask people to RSVP at the save-the-date stage.  With some destination weddings that I know I will attend, I plan early and could tell you shortly after receiving the save-the-date that my flights were booked, but with others I have to wait to see what work looks like, what other commitments I will have, and what kind of travel deals might be available.  

    Good luck!
  • People should not be asked to RSVP to a Save the Date.  Some people will but a Save the Date is not a substitute invitation; it is a courtesy and a notice.  Some guests may indicate to you that they are not available to attend based on your Save the Date but guests should not be required to give you an answer that far in advance.

    The best thing you can do is to go over your guest list again with your FI.  I know it can be hard to trim a guest list, but every couple has to at some point; use whatever criteria you want to determine cut offs (DH and I used circles - our budget accomodated family through first cousins and a few very close friends). Once that list is down to 100 people, invite them - and only them - to your wedding in Las Vegas.  Send only those people Save the Dates.  Keep your timeline the same - Save the Dates 6 to 9 months out, invitations with RSVP 6-8 weeks before.

    You may have fewer than 100 people with you at your ceremony, but you will not be subjecting any of your family or friends to the realization they were not on the A list.
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  • Thank you.

    All great points.  It's tricky because we know almost for sure that certain aunts and uncles will NOT be able to do the trip, but still need to be sent invitations/STD.  Tricky thing is do you count on them not coming?  Our venue definitely has room for about 20-30 extra people.  If those people end up RSVPing yes, how late can you tell a venue?  Sorry if these are dumb questions?!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-destination?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8df40f9f-71fa-42c6-9223-2cf9d9ee5629Post:6b32b9d1-8243-4920-b0f3-bad915e1ab6d">Re: STD-destination?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you. All great points.  It's tricky because we know almost for sure that certain aunts and uncles will NOT be able to do the trip, but still need to be sent invitations/STD.  Tricky thing is do you count on them not coming?  Our venue definitely has room for about 20-30 extra people.  If those people end up RSVPing yes, how late can you tell a venue?  Sorry if these are dumb questions?!
    Posted by samanthajodances[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's ok, they're not dumb questions.  We can give you an idea of how it might work, but you really need to ask the particular venues to be sure.  Venues will have a maximum number for fire code reasons (make sure you include you, your FI, and your vendors in your count).  There may also be a maximum number that will be comfortable if you want a sit down meal, a dance floor of a certain size, or other things like that.  Your budget also restricts how many people you can afford at a given venue.  If the venue charges per person, they may have a minimum number that you will have to pay for regardless of how many people you have.  Usually you find a venue that can hold your entire guestlist and you get them the final headcount at a predetermined time before the event.  </div>
  • edited October 2012
    We had a little over 50 percent attendance at our DW wedding last month in New Orleans. We invited 265 and 135 came. We were completely surprised at the expressed interest as soon as the STDs went out and that almost all of those people followed through. Vegas is an appealing destination also so I wouldn't be so certain that a lot of people won't come.
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  • I know firsthand that it's hard to make plans far in advance, even if given a STD.  I have a very close friend getting married next June--while I've made sure I can go to the wedding (it's overseas) the other bridesmaids are already trying to plan a bachelorette weekend for MAY 2013 (I'm also in the wedding)--I love my friend dearly, but I don't know my schedule that far in advance, or finances, given that I'll be spending thousands of dollars to fly me and FI overseas for a week.  I WILL know 2 months before, which is when invitations usually go out for weddings and other out of town events...long story short, no way to get people to RSVP to a STD, and it's rude asking them to do so.
  • In Response to Re:STDdestination?:[QUOTE]Thank you.All great points.nbsp; It's tricky because we know almost for sure that certain aunts and uncles will NOT be able to do the trip, but still need to be sent invitations/STD.nbsp; Tricky thing is do you count on them not coming?nbsp; Our venue definitely has room for about 2030 extra people.nbsp; If those people end up RSVPing yes, how late can you tell a venue?nbsp; Sorry if these are dumb questions?! Posted by samanthajodances[/QUOTE]


    I didn't have a DW, but I did have people attend my wedding that I was 100 positive would decline. You just never know. Maybe they will be ready for a vacation, or want to see extended family, and your wedding is a perfect excuse.

    Don't do an alist, blist. They are rude. There is no way to be nice or classy when you blist.

    Make your guest list. If that ends up being 150 people, you send out 150 invites. Just make sure in the unlikely event you have 100 attendance, the venue can hold that many people and that you can afford to host than many.
  • Not to go too off-topic here but is anyone else having a hard time with these wedding abbreviations?
    BM?
    STD?
    It is just me isn't it?


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-destination?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8df40f9f-71fa-42c6-9223-2cf9d9ee5629Post:6aaa9d0d-5653-401b-8e7c-bfa33b9c21dd">STD-destination?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi there.  Our wedding will be in Vegas, so the majority of our friends will be coming from NYC and LA, and family will be coming from MD and upstate NY.  We had planned for 100 guests, but our preliminary list with family and friends goes WAY over.  Due to the 'destination,' we know a decent amount will not be able to make it, so we have 'A-list' and 'B-list's.  For the STD, is there a classy way to include some sort of RSVP without being tacky?  It's just that we know certain people won't be able to make it, but if we want to invite 'list-B' people, we feel like they should receive a STD early as well to make travel preparations.  Does this make sense? And again...trying to be classy and respectful...Thanks!
    Posted by samanthajodances[/QUOTE]



    Anniversary
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  • The only tact way to accomplish this is to direct people to your wedding website. Don't mention the RSVP but include one on your website. Hopefully some people will know their limitations or intentions enough in advance to officially tell you early on.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_std-destination?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8df40f9f-71fa-42c6-9223-2cf9d9ee5629Post:6aaa9d0d-5653-401b-8e7c-bfa33b9c21dd">STD-destination?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi there.  Our wedding will be in Vegas, so the majority of our friends will be coming from NYC and LA, and family will be coming from MD and upstate NY.  We had planned for 100 guests, but our preliminary list with family and friends goes WAY over.  Due to the 'destination,' we know a decent amount will not be able to make it, so we have 'A-list' and 'B-list's.  For the STD, is there a classy way to include some sort of RSVP without being tacky?  It's just that we know certain people won't be able to make it, but if we want to invite 'list-B' people, we feel like they should receive a STD early as well to make travel preparations.  Does this make sense? And again...trying to be classy and respectful...Thanks!
    Posted by samanthajodances[/QUOTE]



    Anniversary
    image

    image
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