No Bridal party??

WeddingBells58 · July 2012

My fiancee and I have had some difficulty with people in our bridal party. I just want to know everybody's thoughts on not having a bridal party! It is really non-traditional but afterall ths day is for us and about us. Let me know your thought I would love to hear them!!

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I think it's totally fine if thats your decision from the beginning... but it sounds like you two already have a bridal party in place... what are you going to do - fire them?

calliopeia2013 · July 2012

It is perfectly fine not to have a bridal party- in fact, it's not even non-traditional, plenty of people do it and have done it for years. It is 100% NOT okay to have a bridal party, and then kick them out in order to not have one. The one situation in which this is acceptable is if you've planned a wedding but you cancel it to elope completely by yourselves. If you have already asked people, you're stuck (unless you're willing to end your friendship with every single one of them); if you haven't asked people, don't, and you're cool.

Gabrielle76 · July 2012

Not having a bridal party is getting more and more common, so if you don't want one, you don't have to have one. However, if you already asked people, kicking them out is not okay.

donamre · July 2012

We are just having one honor attendant each. No bridal party if just fine. However, I agree, you can not uninvite attendants

HobokensFury · July 2012

Since you already have a BP you can't go back.

Viczaesar · July 2012

You're a day late and a dollar short, OP.

kmsst48 · August 2012

We were originally going to be married last year, had a bridal party and my fiance had a terrible car accident and has been in a hospital bed since. We decided when we moved the date we didn't want a party and our friends understood but we had different circumstances. Lots of luck on this one.

kyreneg12 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_no-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c3e4e689-0530-4638-9308-977904c9606ePost:b2a7a7c6-7bf0-4bb9-8096-a5c49743e59e">Re: No Bridal party??</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you already have a BP you can't go back.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
BS!!!!!! The whole point of having a bridal party is to have a support team. It sounds like to me they are creating more havoc for you than support. So just like any other job, if your not fit for it you get fired. The end!<div>Take some time to think it through. How close to these people are you? What complications will "firing" them cause for you after the wedding is over? Are you ready to deal with the out come? Weigh out the pro's and con's. </div><div>When I asked my girls to "support" me in my wedding I asked them with a to do list. May seem rude to some, but to me it made since. Have you ever got a job that before you started you thought was a dream come true? Then a week or so in you quit because you found out other wise. Well that's how I seen it. I didn't want my girls to have false expectations of my wedding & get disappointed when I disagreed. Causing them to only go through with it reluctantly out of loyalty. The last thing I want to see on my wedding day is a sad face. Or worse an angry one. Especially from someone I felt worthy of standing beside me. </div><div>They all took it well too. My MOH even said she's glad I gave her a list. She said it helps keep her from getting overwhelmed thinking about what I expect from her. When my future SIL (who's not in the wedding) found out about the "to do list" she said she wants me to make her one too. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" /> So I'm currently working on that. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div><div>Though it's to late to ask them with a "to do" list its not to late to set expectations and boundry's. I would suggest talking to them about your concerns before getting rid of them. Who knows maybe they thought they were helping. Talking it out may resolve the problems & put things back on track. </div><div>Ok, so you talked to them & the just don't get it. If you truly feel that you would be better off without them, ditch them. Just be ready for hurt feelings. But keep in mind who's feelings are most important on your wedding day. yours or there's?</div><div>good luck! I pray just talking will resolve your problems. That would be best.</div>

kyreneg12 · August 2012

brides need support team's because there's a lot to planning a wedding. It's nice to have someone to help you out. that's what friends are for anyway. helping each other out in times of need.

Yes the tradition of bridal parties are rooted from superstition. However, confusing demons as to the bride's identity, was never the only purpose of bridesmaids. A lot of the things on "those lists of duties you see on wedding websites and in bridal mags" also go back as far as the whole demon thing. Like assisting the bride as she dresses for the ceremony. And accompanying her to pick out hers and your attire. Neither of which cost a penny.

"Weddings are very much an industry, which does its best to convince you, from cradle onward, that this is The! Most! Important! Day! Of! Your! Life! and that it's all about you, the bride."

Now this I can agree with. The whole billion dollar industry part of weddings is a bunch of sh**. & personally I believe the most important day of your life is the day you die. But that's another story & I'm not going there right now. & the only way the wedding could be just about the bride is if she was marrying her self without any witnesses. So you can throw that out the window for sure. But I don't think anyone wants people to believe they are "bad" friends.

However, whether your wedding is the most or least important day of your life, it's still your day. The bride & groom are the guest of honor. Not the bridesmaids. Bridesmaids, no matter how you look at it are just a support team. Like your own little personal backup dancers.

I did ask my self why i needed bridesmaids. My answer was I picked them because I knew I needed help & I can count on these girls to have my back. I'm not marrying them. So it's quite easy for me to get married without them "by my side". Real friends understand this. These are the people who should be in your wedding. Not someone who tries to undermine your shine.

Though answer me this. If they are doing everything possible to make things difficult for you during the time you are planing your wedding, are they really by your side? Are you even sure you can call them real friends?

& since we are talking traditions anyway. Getting the bridesmaids dresses is not the responsibility of the bridesmaids. It's the brides responsibility.

But at the end of the day no one can disagree with this:

"Ask your fiance if you need help with wedding planning. You’re marrying him, not your bridesmaids."

happy planing to all.

kyreneg12 · August 2012

retread, FYI I have reviewed the history of wedding traditions, and etiquette manuals. Thus my friend I have not disagreed with you on. There for we either both need a refresher or not.

"It stops being "the couple's day" the moment they choose to involve others in it, which they do by selecting a wedding party and inviting guests."

Really? How foolish! So on your birthday it stops being your birthday the moment you choose to involve others? And graduations? Baptisms? Just in case you don't know the answer it's NO. Same goes for weddings. If you are the honorary guest at a celebration its YOUR celebration, whatever the celebration may be.

As far as the whole stress thing ok I can buy that. Though thus very statement justifies my original point in the 1st place. Obviously her bridal party is causing unnecessary stress for her. As we all know having a bridal party doesn't make or break a wedding. Nor a marriage. So, "She needs to cross it off her list immediately, because she doesn't need it."

I am sorry for the misshape you have had in your marriages. Though that dosen't give you the right to make someone else believe that there's no other way.

Once again I can't disagree with you. Getting married doesn't obligate your friends and family to focus their attention on you by any means. This is your fiance's job. Though, your friends and family shouldn't crate problems for you and your mate whether or not your getting married or never marry.

My concern is not what the guest focus their attention on at the wedding. If the couple isn't the main focus at the wedding that is the couples fault. In this case they did something terribly wrong. Maybe I miss worded it or you just misunderstood what I was saying. When I said, "Undermine your shine" I was expressing that she should feel happy, anxious and maybe even nervous, about her wedding. Not stressed. And if people are what your stressing about, then they are stilling your happiness. You should never let this happen to you in life in general, not just during your wedding planning.

As for as the bridesmaids' dresses - your pretty accurate. Americans are quite rude people. It's just rude and selfish to force someone to buy anything. Especially something they probably don't want and will never use again. If your going to force someone to do something for you the least you can do is foot the bill. It's called courteousy. Thus is something the well off have always done in weddings. And the less fortunate as you said just went with their best and called it a day. So I guess the real issue of the bridesmaids dress is every day people attempting to keep up with the "Jones" without the "Jones" money and taking it out on there friends.

"If people are making things difficult during your planning, then stop sharing your plans with them. Limit their involvement, .... Keep everything else on a need-to-know basis only. Then you won't have a problem." I couldn't agree with you more. However there is no need for them to get their attire or even show up to the wedding.

Bridesmaids are suppose to be people from your close circle. People who are there for you. One's who help celebrate the good and help pull you through the bad that life throws at you. If this dosen't describe your bridal party then you picked the wrong people. That was your mistake. Their mistake was not declining the offer, or at least trying to be these people. You have already made one mistake by asking these people to be part of your celebration. Don't make another by keeping them around and allowing them to bring you down. You don't need them in your wedding and probability don't need them in your life. So do yourself a favor and kindly ask them to step down.

kyreneg12 · August 2012

Your right "You are responsible for the comfort of guests once you invite them to a function." But we aren't talking about the guest are we.

"Come celebrate wonderful me, me, me! It's MY day, so I can do anything I want. You may be my guest, but I can treat you any way I want to that day, and you should should shut up and put up with it, because I've given you the privilege of honoring me and fussing over me."
A little exaggerated don't you think? Again we aren't talking about the guest.

There is no "kind" way to "ask them to 'step down' from the wedding." It's like trying to find a polite way to tell someone they're ugly. It can't be done.

Sorry to be the one to inform you, anything can be done with grace. Here, I will show you. So you made a bad choice when picking your wedding party. Here's your easy fix, "We have decided that the whole wedding party thing is a bit much for us. we are so sorry. We rushed into things without thinking them all the way through. I guess we got caught up in the moment. So I'm sorry to tell you that, you wont be in our wedding. I hope you understand. And again we are both very sorry."

"Being put out of a wedding party is a VERY public slight to the friend that almost always ends the friendship." True, but if it does then its probably for the best. Sometimes we don't know who are real friends are until they are challenged to prove themselves. Who has time for fake friends. Let it be. You don't have to be everyone's friend.

1. It's not your wedding so no one has to listen to you. Let's just get that straight now. It will make the rest of what I have to say less painful.

2. They're being kicked out because the bride shouldn't have asked them to be in "HER" wedding in the first place.

3. Please freshen up on your wedding etiquette before you attempt to correct me again. Here's your head start.

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-to-ask-a-bridesmaid-to-step-down

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/dealing-with-problem-bridesmaids.aspx

http://weddings.weddingchannel.com/wedding-planning-ideas/wedding-etiquette/qa/can-you-cut-a-bridesmaid-from-your-bridal-party.aspx

OwningAHome1981 · August 2012

i think there is no way of salvaging a friendship after you tell them they can't be in your BP now. If you care about the friendships with these people, I would keep them in your party. Otherwise you are liable to lose some freinds over it.

kaos16 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_no-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c3e4e689-0530-4638-9308-977904c9606ePost:02174152-0180-4c3b-af36-df16a743a9bc">Re: No Bridal party??</a>:
[QUOTE]Your right "You are responsible for the comfort of guests once you invite them to a function." <strong>But we aren't talking about the guest are we</strong>. "Come celebrate wonderful me, me, me! It's MY day, so I can do anything I want. You may be my guest, but I can treat you any way I want to that day, and you should should shut up and put up with it, because I've given you the privilege of honoring me and fussing over me." A little exaggerated don't you think?<strong> Again we aren't talking about the guest</strong>. There is no "kind" way to "ask them to 'step down' from the wedding." It's like trying to find a polite way to tell someone they're ugly. It can't be done. Sorry to be the one to inform you, anything can be done with grace. Here, I will show you. So you made a bad choice when picking your wedding party. Here's your easy fix, "We have decided that the whole wedding party thing is a bit much for us. we are so sorry. We rushed into things without thinking them all the way through. I guess we got caught up in the moment. So I'm sorry to tell you that, you wont be in our wedding. I hope you understand. And again we are both very sorry." "Being put out of a wedding party is a VERY public slight to the friend that almost always ends the friendship." True, but if it does then its probably for the best. Sometimes we don't know who are real friends are until they are challenged to prove themselves. Who has time for fake friends. Let it be. You don't have to be everyone's friend. 1. It's not your wedding so no one has to listen to you. Let's just get that straight now. It will make the rest of what I have to say less painful. 2. They're being kicked out because the bride shouldn't have asked them to be in "HER" wedding in the first place. 3. Please freshen up on your wedding etiquette before you attempt to correct me again. Here's your head start.
Posted by kyreneg12[/QUOTE]

But the members of your wedding party ARE guests. They are invited to the wedding, they celebrate with you, they eat, drink, and dance. They stand up for you during the actual ceremony and from that point forward are guests, albeit often in matching outfits. As guests, their comfort should be taken into consideration as any other guest.
They need not be given to-do lists. . . . their "job" requirements are limited to showing up at the appropriate time in the appropriate outfit.

*I removed your reference to Wedding Bee when I quoted you. . . .their sunshine and rainbow approach to everything does not usually constitute anything resembling ettiquette.*

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