Wedding Party

Picking my wedding party

Hello, I am new to The Knot, but I am here beacause I am planning our wedding and need as much advice as I can get to do this. I have a concern about my wedding party. How do you decide who to pick? 

I don't have many close friends. I have picked one of my friends as a bridesmaid (I don't feel close enough to her to ask her to be my matron of honor), but I am having a tough time deciding who should be my matron of honor. I have a sister and sister in law who I would like to be in the wedding party. This is where my issue comes in: I think I want my sister in law to be my matron of honor, but I think by asking her to be it versus my sister will frankly, anger my sister if I did not ask her to be my matron of honor. I feel like my sis-in-law could handle more of the planning and stress versus my sister. Do you guys think its okay to ask her to be my matron instead of my sister? Whats the best way to "break the news" to my sister? I want her to be a bridesmaid of course, but having to tell her that she isn't the matron of honor might be challenging. Any advice or words of wisdom or thoughts would be great! Thanks everyone! 

Re: Picking my wedding party

  • First of all, you're selecting your wedding party WAY TOO SOON!  Slow down.  Come late summer next year, make your selections then.  The relationships between the two of them may change and your decision may be easier at that point.  You ultimately just need to choose who you're closer with.  And what kind of stress do you plan on putting your MOH under that you're even factoring that in?
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-my-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4251edc1-61a3-42de-9d16-08d029111d3bPost:98332116-01de-4522-9c35-6e29efb5f3c2">Picking my wedding party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello, I am new to The Knot, but I am here beacause I am planning our wedding and need as much advice as I can get to do this. I have a concern about my wedding party. How do you decide who to pick?  I don't have many close friends. I have picked one of my friends as a bridesmaid (I don't feel close enough to her to ask her to be my matron of honor), but I am having a tough time deciding who should be my matron of honor. I have a sister and sister in law who I would like to be in the wedding party. This is where my issue comes in: I think I want my sister in law to be my matron of honor, but I think by asking her to be it versus my sister will frankly, anger my sister if I did not ask her to be my matron of honor. I feel like my sis-in-law could handle more of the planning and stress versus my sister. Do you guys think its okay to ask her to be my matron instead of my sister? Whats the best way to "break the news" to my sister? I want her to be a bridesmaid of course, but having to tell her that she isn't the matron of honor might be challenging. Any advice or words of wisdom or thoughts would be great! Thanks everyone! 
    Posted by tracyj07[/QUOTE]

    There really is no planning nor stress on a MOH. Anyone can do it. Just wait another year and see how how things seem then.
  • There are no duties anyone has to perform, nothing anyone but you and your fiance have to plan. Pick the people closest to you. My bridesmaids were 2 of the 3 people in this world I could call at 2a.m. to help me hide a body. It was a very easy choice.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-my-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4251edc1-61a3-42de-9d16-08d029111d3bPost:26ffde5d-1074-4a66-8e1a-c54aeec92e3f">Re: Picking my wedding party</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are no duties anyone has to perform, nothing anyone but you and your fiance have to plan. Pick the people closest to you. My bridesmaids were 2 of the 3 people in this world I could call at 2a.m. to help me hide a body. It was a very easy choice.
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. You also don't even NEED to have a wedding party, and it is totally okay to just have one, maybe your sister, if that is what you want. </div><div>
    </div><div>Mine felt really natural. I asked my sister to be my MOH because other than my FI she is the person I am closest too in the entire world. For bridesmaids I chose a friend I've had since elementary school, a friend I met in college who I knew was my BFF soulmate the second I met her (seriously, I knew this girl was going to be my best friend the second I met her, and I didn't even have that kind of reaction to meeting my FI), and one of my FI's cousins, because he asked me to (and I adore this girl). These girls are the first people I would call in an emergency, and the first people I called when we got engaged. Just choose the people you couldn't imagine not being there when you get married, no more, no less.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • 1) Like PPs have said, it is WAY too soon to even be thinking about this.  Don't ask anyone more than a year in advance.  You would be astounded at the number of posts on this board that are along the lines of, "I asked my BFF to be my MOH two  years ago, but she's changed so much and we aren't even close anymore.  Can I kick her out?"

    2) You don't need to have a MOH.  If any of your girls ask, just say that you couldn't choose.

    3) You should not base your MOH on how much that person can help you and how well they will handle the "duties" of wedding planning.  That is because there are not any duties (other than getting the dress and showing up in it for the wedding), contrary to what the wedding industry will have you believe.  You might read lists on MOH duties online that include things like hosting the shower and bachelorette party or helping you address invitations.  All of these things are completely optional.  If your MOH volunteers to do these things, great! If not, anyone else can host these things if they volunteer.  If no one volunteers, they don't happen.  When you read things like this, remember that they are produced by the wedding industry, which wants you to think that your MOH has to do all of these things for you to have a perfect wedding.  They only care about the money, and not your relationships with your friends and family members.  

    4) Only you know your family dynamic when it comes to choosing a MOH.  I chose my sister as my MOH because I love her and I am very close to her; my friends and SIL were my BMs.  My H had his brother as one of his GMs, but chose his best friend as his BM because that is the person he is truly closest to.
  • I am having 3 BM and no MOH because I don't want to choose between my 3 sisters. That would solve your problem easily. Also I agree with PP that if you wait 6 months or so the solution may become clear.
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  • Okay that all makes sense! I wont worry about picking anyone for a long time! : as someone said too, ive always thought traditon said that the moh did so many things, but if not, great! So what do i do about the fact that i mentioned to my one friend about being a bridesmaid?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-my-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4251edc1-61a3-42de-9d16-08d029111d3bPost:60bcdd9e-540e-4da6-abcb-917643e3f7a7">Re: Picking my wedding party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Keep it to your one friend for now, but don't ask anyone else.  Wait until around the six-month mark. The wedding industry prints those lists of "traditional" duties to make the wedding party think they are "bad friends" if they don't wait hand and foot on the bride and spend lots of money on dresses, shoes, jewelry, wraps, purses, hairstyles, makeup, wedding gifts, shower gifts, and hosting showers and bachelorette parties.  All of this pumps big $ back into the industry. Ignore it. Don't drink the Kool-Aid.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you! I will keep it as is now, I'm just excited, you know? :) </div>
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