Why Invite Your ex-wifes mother and sister

Re: Why Invite Your ex-wifes mother and sister

• ski2play member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Hello, you obviously feel very strongly about this, but I am glad that thoughout your email you said "our day".  It is a day for you and your FI (new husband) to celebrate your love.  His son, your new stepson will always be and should always be a part of the mother and sister's lifes.  I think your suggestion of having him get dressed with them is an excellent one. 
  
  My concern lies with your thoughts on your FI and his son. and family events.
  
   Yes he will always be the father of there nephew and grandson but that is the it... We are not family and we wont be attending family events .  Sorry I don't know these people and never met them ....
  
  Wow, those are very strong words, for the sake of his son (your future stepson) I really hope you rethink your attitude.  You seem bitter and resentful about people you have admitted not even meeting.  The past will always be the past and can not be rewritten.  Be a great wife and step mom and rise above, you and your family will be so much better for it!  Thanks for listening.

  

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• dreaindigo

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks for your comments . But let me clear this up.
  I love his son..  I have met his mother she is sweet ..That is the person I will have a relationship with.  I dont see why I would be attending his ex family events ..now that is confused ... I will attend events hosted by his family as he will ours but I dont see where I would be or that its appropraite for me to attend his ex wife family events....
  When a marriage happens its 2 families joining together ... His and mine . Not his and mines and hers..so there you are confused ... This is not a threesome...
  Yes we will be co parenting but her and the dealings with her family I dont have to interact with that...
  
  My father remarried and my mother would have have no place at his wifes family events ....but again to eachs own.
  
  My issue is with the fact that my feelings should be respected as the bride. And if he had a problem with a person listed on the invite list then I would remove that person without question .. becuase its our day and he deserves to be happy as well not just me . 
  
  Im not inviting my past boyfriends and there families..
  

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• dreaindigo

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  oppps sorry it posted before I finished...
  I am not undestanding why his son would no longer be apart of his mothers family ....now that is crazy...
  
  His son is becoming my son.. he has gained another family that will care for him and love him unconditionally... Its not a loss for his father to get married...
  so now he has 3 families that love him and care for him...

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• right1thistime member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  So when his son graduates from high school, will his grandparents (her parents) be invited? Will his aunts, uncles and cousins? How about when he gets married? If they have to limit the guests, whose family do you think should be cut? Who does he live with? 
  
  I don't think you need to invite your Fi's xW or her family.  But they were once your Fi's family as well.  Just because you divorce a spouse, does not necessarily mean you will exterminate your relationship with people you love and who love you.  The relationship that is terminated is the marriage, but every affiliated close family can easily be continued.  Just because it didn't happen that way in your family doesn't mean it cannot happen anywhere.  So frankly, if your Fi wants to invite them, what harm does it do you to have them there?  Does he think they are coming to report back on how people look, or -as I would suspect- to wish him well as he moves into the next phase of his life?  You sound very insecure in your relationship with him, very jealous of his relationship with her family.  That waves red flags at me.  You may want to examine that. ~Donna

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• dreaindigo

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  Hey, ladies, thanks for the comments.
  
  I have spoken to numerous couples who have extended families and blended families which all have confirmed that its not appropriate to invite people that either the bride or groom disagrees with attending.
  
  Since you asked .. When we do have an event celebrating his son which will happen everyone of his family members and friends   are invited to pariticipate in those festivities celebrating him...But if its celebrating me ..they will not be included.
   
  And if its a party for my FI its his guest list ...not mine.. all are welcome
  but again this is my opinion
  Thanks
  
  
  

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• 2chumps member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_invite-ex-wifes-mother-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:0543293e-eac7-4ea5-bd8f-dcc6055dd593Post:ff9b1b88-9c75-4de1-ae6b-e898b7fa6fb6">Re: Why Invite Your ex-wifes mother and sister</a>:
  [QUOTE] When we do have an event celebrating his son which will happen everyone of his family members and friends   are invited to pariticipate in those festivities celebrating him...But if its celebrating me ..they will not be included.   And if its a party for my FI its his guest list ...not mine.. all are welcome but again this is my opinion Thanks
  Posted by dreaindigo[/QUOTE]
   
  Sounds resonable to me.  I think it's a great idea that your stepson get ready with the grandma, maybe send a pic of him with a nice frame for a Christmas present in his suit. 
  
  I don't think you are being unresonable or selfish.  Future events that revolve around your stepson are different than an intimate ceremony with a small guest list. 
  
  This is a day to celebrate your life as a family and I wouldn't be comfortable with my FI ex family there either.  I hope it works out for you!

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• vexie member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  My husband was a widower when I met him.  His late wife died during childbirth.    I've become very close his daughter's maternal grandparents however initially reacted very stongly against the idea of including them in the ceremony.  (he asked if he can walk his ex-mother-in-law up the aisle) because I wanted this to be OUR day, and not have anything to do with 'her'.   In the end, though, I changed my mind.  I realized that because of the girls, I now have three families and it's important for the girls to know and be part of their mother's family too.  So yes, we not only invited them, we listed hubby's ex-in-laws as 'parents' in the program, she got a corsage and hubby seated them before our own mother's were escorted in. They and a few of their family members (an aunt/uncle/2 cousins) were seated at a table near our parent's table and I have no regrets whatsoever about this.
  
  They were so overwhelmed by gesture and it only served to solidify our relationship.  In the end, it's all about the girls... what's best for them.  And the way I look at it,  these girls are blessed to have three families who love and adore them.... how that can be a bad thing?
  
  His ex-family members will hopefully always be a huge part in your step-son's life.  He needs those relationships as much as those of his dad's family and yours.  By allowing them to attend the wedding, you're extending an olive branch of sorts to them.  They don't need to become your best friends, but it's in everyone's best interest if you can all get along (and attend family events as appropriate)
  
  Good luck as you make your decisions!

  84 73 11 Wedding date: June 11, 2011

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• right1thistime member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_invite-ex-wifes-mother-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:0543293e-eac7-4ea5-bd8f-dcc6055dd593Post:b113201e-6697-4ce1-945a-8cd043814987">Re: Why Invite Your ex-wifes mother and sister</a>:
  [QUOTE]  .  In the end, it's all about the girls... what's best for them.  <strong>And the way I look at it,  these girls are blessed to have three families who love and adore them.... how that can be a bad thing?</strong> His ex-family members will hopefully always be a huge part in your step-son's life.  He needs those relationships as much as those of his dad's family and yours.  By allowing them to attend the wedding, you're extending an olive branch of sorts to them.  They don't need to become your best friends, but it's in everyone's best interest if you can all get along (and attend family events as appropriate) Good luck as you make your decisions!
  Posted by vexie[/QUOTE]
  
  Bravo - you are doing the best thing for your step children.  They are so lucky to have you in their life. ~Donna

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• lindaloulubbock

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't think you need to invite them, I understand the way you feel, but I'm guessing from your post, that maybe taking a slightly less defensive tactic with your FI might help you argue your case a little better. As you explained the situation here, I can see how he might feel like he needs to set a firm stand about the place of these women in his son's life. 
  
  Good luck!

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• renjon7798 member

  

  July 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm on the other side, I am inviting my exMIL and her new husband and my FI is inviting his ex MIL and ex FIL.  He has even invited his ex SIL and BIL.  We all have a very good relationship and consider them family.  My children call his ex inlaws grandpa W and grandma GG just like my FI daughter does.  (Side note, he had NO relationship with is father and so he considers is ex FIL almost like a father)  His daughter also calls my parents grandpa J and grandma M.  And calls my ex MIL nana.
  
  I consider this wedding not as just a marriage between myself and my FI, but also a joining of our families.  All are excited to be included!  I say if it means a lot to him, let him have them there.

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• rapunnzzll

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  We invited all of my ex-in-laws to our wedding.  Hubby was the one who made sure they were on the list and mil made sure they were invited to the rehearsal dinner they so lovingly hosted for us. 
  
  I agree with pp that you have to suck it up and deal with things like as you become a family, however, if you aren't inviting other family members of yours because of space limitations, IMO they don't get an invite, simply because of limits.  Perhaps there is a softer way to get your fi to understand this.

  
  130 Invited to dance the night away!
  92 Want to show their best moves!
  38 Have two left feet and won't be dancing!
  0 Are too embarrased to say they don't dance!
  
  

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