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Kept asking when we were getting engaged/Now that we are, don't care...?

christy7211christy7211
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in Moms and Maids
I'm feeling a little down about things. Before we got engaged, all of our married friends always asked us when we were getting engaged and were excited about it. Now that we are, and the two girls are bridesmaids, it seems like it's no big deal. I don't even talk about the wedding anymore because I don't want to push wedding stuff/talk on people. It's dampering my excitement even. And AFTER we picked their bridesmaids dresses, all these problems arose with where they were ordering and how much they cost and the dress places keep calling me to fix all their problems. It's frustrating. 

Just wondering if any other brides have felt this way. Have you lost some excitement about the planning due to issues or others showing disinterest?
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Re: Kept asking when we were getting engaged/Now that we are, don't care...?

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kept-asking-were-getting-engagednow-dont-care?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8f8846-491d-4359-b160-b2f02878da0aPost:5bc858f1-70bc-4750-b85a-3e87f985bcb1">Kept asking when we were getting engaged/Now that we are, don't care...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm feeling a little down about things. Before we got engaged, all of our married friends always asked us when we were getting engaged and were excited about it. Now that we are, and the two girls are bridesmaids, it seems like it's no big deal. I don't even talk about the wedding anymore because I don't want to push wedding stuff/talk on people. It's dampering my excitement even. And AFTER we picked their bridesmaids dresses, all these problems arose with where they were ordering and how much they cost and the dress places keep calling me to fix all their problems. It's frustrating.  Just wondering if any other brides have felt this way. <strong>Have you lost some excitement about the planning due to issues or others showing disinterest?
    </strong>Posted by christy7211[/QUOTE]

    Oh boy.
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  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
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    edited December 2011
    No one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.  It's natural for other people to be excited about your wedding when you first get engaged.  After awhile the novelty wears off and not everyone wants to hear about your wedding all the time.  That's just the way it goes.  You should be excited about your wedding because you are marrying the person you love, not because other people are excited for you.
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  • christy7211christy7211
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    edited December 2011
    I really understand that and I don't expect them to be as excited as I am. Yes, I'm still excited about the wedding just not about the planning or all the decisions anymore. 

    I also understand that I'm going to probably get some snarky comments ..."oh boy" but I'm just honestly asking if anyone else feels like this. Sometimes how we feel doesn't always make sense but it's still how we feel. 
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
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    edited December 2011
    I've lost excitement due to issues - just because the planning is such a PITA right now.  I got overwhelmed with (unwanted) input from FMIL and a huge guest list from FI's side and now money issues since FI and I have been on and off with jobs (stupid economy).  I'm not one of those girls who planned her wedding out as a kid - in fact, I never thought about my wedding day until FI proposed!  I'm not into planning events like this and if I had the cash, would probably hire people to do it for me.
    I'm more exicted that I am marrying the man I love rather than the wedding itself!

    Everyone was thrilled for the first DAY or so after we got engaged.  But they have other things going on in their lives and will probably only be excited about the wedding again the day of.   In fact, my SIL is due to give birth on my wedding day(!) so there is excitement over that too!  I never needed other people's interest to be excited about getting married to my FI.

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  • christy7211christy7211
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    edited December 2011
    I would totally be hiring other people to do it for me too if I had the money!

    Yea, they probably won't be excited again til the day of...that's fine. It does suck though when people are the reason for some of the frustrating issues... 
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kept-asking-were-getting-engagednow-dont-care?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8f8846-491d-4359-b160-b2f02878da0aPost:16c228c1-0433-4d55-96ae-0253ce631c04">Re: Kept asking when we were getting engaged/Now that we are, don't care...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really understand that and I don't expect them to be as excited as I am. Yes, I'm still excited about the wedding just not about the planning or all the decisions anymore.  I also understand that I'm going to probably get some snarky comments ..."oh boy" but I'm just honestly asking if anyone else feels like this. Sometimes how we feel doesn't always make sense but it's still how we feel. 
    Posted by christy7211[/QUOTE]

    Your not the first one to feel the "MY DAY", because we all have the selfish desire for attention at some point, we're human, not one of us is perfect. But most of us realize that besides certain people most could care less about what you are planning for the wedding. To most people, specially guys, do not find weddings all that interesting besides that day of celebrating the couple's marriage. So try not to let people who aren't now interested in your wedding stuff get to you, you already accepted the fact that people don't really want to hear it so just move on and just be happy with the decisions you are making. Yeah, it's nice to have someone to talk to but that is why many Brides post on theknot so they can release their ideas, decisions, etc to others who actually like wedding stuff.

    Also I notice that your BM are complaining about the dress. Did you talk to them individually to ask what their budget was?
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  • christy7211christy7211
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    edited December 2011
    I did talk to them about the budget. They have all been in weddings before and had their own so they knew what dresses cost and they all said they were okay with it. I guess I don't know what the issues are now...I just wish the dress shops would call the girls who are ordering them rather than calling me and making me be the inbetween person. They are adults, they can handle ordering their own dresses...
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm surprised the shop is calling you. Most shops the BMs give their info for that particular dress. Personally, I would tell the shop to call the girl individually if they have the BM's phone number.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kept-asking-were-getting-engagednow-dont-care?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8f8846-491d-4359-b160-b2f02878da0aPost:c19511bf-a210-4d69-80ba-442fad52eec5">Re: Kept asking when we were getting engaged/Now that we are, don't care...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would totally be hiring other people to do it for me too if I had the money! Yea, they probably won't be excited again til the day of...that's fine. <strong>It does suck though when people are the reason for some of the frustrating issues... </strong>
    Posted by christy7211[/QUOTE]

    Yep - it does seem that my FMIL is more "excited" about the wedding than <strong>me</strong>, which makes my goal of being a "laid back bride" difficult b/c she's always up my butt about something.

    For instance:
    I'm having my BMs just wear any little black dress they have or buy their own(and no dress issues for me to worry about!) - she's all upset because they "won't match" and "you will not be able to tell them apart from the rest of the guests" - never mind they will be standing up there with me!  And who really cares during the dinner and dancing who the BMs are?    And why does FMIL care that much that she must bring the issue up every time I see her? Then there is the issue over me not wanting to do favors, but according to her I MUST!  And the list goes on and on and on and on....

    One big issue is that FI and I are not religious in any way, and his parents are freaking out over the fact we are not getting married in a Catholic church.  Yes, threats have been made by them, and it's causing me agida!  I just want to say "forget it!".

    So when people ask "how is the planning?  you must be having so much fun!"  I can't keep myself from rolling my eyes.
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  • christy7211christy7211
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    edited December 2011
    haha! I know! Sometimes I'm afraid to even bring up the most simple little thing with FMIL because she will turn it into a huge conversation about things that I don't need to be thinking or worrying about for months from now! 

    The "how's the wedding planning going?" questions are almost as annoying as the "when are you guys going to get engaged" questions that we used to get. I'm sure people really don't want to know all about my planning and I really don't want to talk about it with everyone and their dog...lol. 

    For what it's worth, I love the little black dress idea and really wish I had done that! (which I voiced last night, and MOH/FSIL replied that it wasn't very summery. Who cares?!)

    Good luck with the "relaxed, easy-going bride" thing. That's my goal too and I try to remind myself of that whenever I'm stressed about something.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
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    edited December 2011
    Just wait until after you are married, then you will be getting the "when are you going to have kids?" questions!

    Well, good luck with everything.  It's always good to know I'm not the only one with that type of FMIL.

    And PS - I was told black BM dresses weren't for summer either, but I don't care.  Just because my BMs dresses aren't "summery" doesn't mean my wedding won't be legal!  I doubt anyone in the audience will be thinking *tsk* those dresses are NOT summer colors!
    I mainly decided to let BMs pick a lil black dress because :
    1. just about every girl has one so money issues are not a problem
    2. if not, here is a perfect excuse to get one and at the price that is right for them
    3. you WILL really wear this dress again!
    4. My SIL, if she is not giving birth on that day, will be rather "large" so I want her to find something she can relax in - even if it's a skirt or pants - and black is so easy to match!
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  • palmettogirl924palmettogirl924
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I will say, BMs dresses range very differently in price. So what they paid for someone elses wedding may be different then what they will be paying for the dresses for yours.

    Did you speak with them individually? If you did, and they were all fine with the price you gave them, then unfortuneatly there isn't a TON you can do about it other than offer to help pitch in, if needed (and ONLY if you can).

    I too would give the shop the girls numbers and tell them that you aren't able to contact each girl every minute they need to know something about their dresses. It's as easy as that- remove yourself from that picture.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The shop is calling you so that you'll flip out and call the BMs and tell them to buy TODAY so the shop can make a sale.  Oldest trick in the book.  

    As someone who's now been married for about 18 months and in my BFF's wedding (who is like me in that she's planning a wedding while out of state in grad school so really it's not the biggest thing in her world), I can honestly tell you that I'm kind of over the excitement of weddings.  I'm thrilled for my BFF, I love her FI, I'm really excited for her wedding in Sept...yet 99% of our conversations are about other things.  It just isn't something on my radar just yet.  She's got 9 months, you've got 6...that's a LONG time to everyone but you and your FI (and maybe your moms).  

    Think of it like turning 21 or getting your driver's license: it's the biggest deal in the world when it happens to you, but as soon as it does and your other friends start celebrating theirs, it's not as big a deal anymore.  Know what I mean?

    If it's bugging you this much, I'd suggest you need to take up some hobbies or something so that you aren't fixated on how excited other people are for your wedding with over half a year to go.  It shouldn't be the biggest thing in your life right now either (you don't want to be burned out by the time it arrives) and believe it or not when it's over you probably won't rank it among the biggest days of your life (true story: on WP we did a poll and out of about 70 people, only 2 or 3 thought it was the most important day of their lives), and you don't want to get agitated with others.  You also don't want to build it up so much that it disappoints you when it doesn't go 100% perfectly (it never does for anyone).  It's a fun, wonderful party, so approach it as such.  Focus on the marriage and friendships, not the wedding.  Those two things last MUCH longer than a 5 hour party.
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  • joiner521joiner521
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have experienced that myself. They did there wedding this way and we are doing ours another way. I guess your friends wish they can relive the moment you are having with planning the big day. Perhaps a little envious because you are going to have something different from theirs.
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