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August 2013 Weddings
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FMIL involvement

mrsrutkowskimrsrutkowski member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in August 2013 Weddings
My FMIL made a comment to my sister (moh) saying did she offend someone because she's not involved in the planning and they're excited too.
To be honest,
1. I'm not so sure what she should or could be helping with right now.
2. I lost my mom this past July and am trying to cope with not having her here to be part of this.
I don't want extra stress :/

How much is she involved in for you? What is she doing?
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Re: FMIL involvement

  • RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Honestly my FMIL hasnt done much of anything yet. I will however be inviting her to come along with me to my first dress fitting in May. We also did take her with us when we were chosing our venue & with us to the food tasting.

    Could you bring her to sample cake?
    Help choose flowers?
    Ask her to proof your invites for you?
    Get her opionion on the day of schedule?
    Could she help you set up the seating plan?

    Little things like that might make her feel more involved :)

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  • audubonbride2013audubonbride2013 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    First, I am so sorry you lost your mom.  I can't imagine how difficult that must be.

    Honestly my FMIL has not been very involved.  I reached out to her to go dress shopping back in August/September, and she declined.  She did go to one of the florist appointments since my FILs are graciously paying for our flowers, but didn't have any opinions.  She went to our food tasting with my parents and my FFIL and they brought my FBIL (in high school).  We invited my FILs to help us pick out wedding invites, but they declined.  We have tried to get their opinions, but they never really offer up anything.  I think they are starting to get excited for the wedding, but unlike your FMIL mine doesn't really want to be involved in planning.  At first I had wanted them more involved but my parents usually have enough opinions for my FI and I to handle haha.

    I guess I would just say invite your FMIL to as much (or as little as you want) and try to talk more wedding planning when you're with her.  Just getting her opinion could help her feel more involved, and you don't necessarily have to go with her suggestions. RailWay has some great suggestions.
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  • thecatmthecatm member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom :(

    Honestly, I think it really depends on your relationship with her. I'm close with FMIL, so she's been very involved in the process. But not everyone has that relationship and you dont really have to force yourself into that. She's come dress shopping with me, we looked at the venues together, looked at flowers, limos, etc.

    Ditto on Railways suggestions :)
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  • mrsrutkowskimrsrutkowski member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    thanks girls. Railway - those are good ideas. She did come to the food tasting and a couple bridal shows. She and FFIL are graciously offering $5000 to help pay for the wedding so I have also asked her if she'd like to plan the rehearsal dinner, which she is excited for. She's helping my sister with the shower planning too. I'm hoping she'll be ok, but I will have to ask her opinion more - I think you're right that she'll feel more involved that way. We aren't super close but I think she'd welcome that type of involvement.
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  • kelty24kelty24 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Sorry about your mom
    I'm sure it would be extremely difficult! I can't even imagine. 
    All of the suggestions here are awesome.  Sometimes I feel weird asking for people to be involved, not knowing iif they want to be or not, but FI and I are planning a trip down to OK where we're getting married and I called his folks to let them know and invite them to go as well, so they can check out the venue, meet my parents before the wedding and take FMIL along for the dress fitting.  They were tickled. I didn't really know if they cared to be involved until I asked. 


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  • rel1988rel1988 member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment First Anniversary

    FMIL has a pretty big type A personality and FI and I were worried so was going to be super opinionated about everything. Turns out she has completely not pushed any opionions on us and has been super amazing. She co-owns a cafe in town and is helping my MOH sister throw the shower by providing the setting and taking care of all of the food and drinks. She is also throwing the rehearsal dinner for us. Other than that she hasn't pushed attending anything on us. I might ask if her and FSIL (BM also) want to attend first dress fitting when it comes in.

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  • RM1982RM1982 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2013
    It probably all depends on your situation and your family. I would have your sister tell her not to worry about it!

    For me I'm really glad to have my FMIL helping. She lives a lot closer to me than my mom and my mom just isn't a gushy type of person. She's very to the point and practical. So I go to my FMIL to get all excited and silly with.

    Sorry to hear about losing your mom. I can't even imagine how tough that is.
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