Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bride being pushy about guest list

I am the Mother of the Groom in my sons upcoming wedding in 4 months. I very much like his bride, but she and I are having some disagreements about the guest list. Nothing unpleasant thus far, but I would like to keep it that way.

The budget breakdown is this: $10,000 total budget, $2000 from my Husband and myself, $2000 from brides parents, and the remaining $6000 from the bride and groom. The anticipated guest list was about 50 people, but with our friends that we would like to invite, that number grew a bit. Of course we have offered to pay for those extra guests on top of the money we had already offered. Before the bride sent out the Save the Date's, she was lenient with the guest list, but in the last few weeks she has gradually stopped "letting" me invite friends. It is now at the point where she will not even allow me to invite family friends of ours who invited us to their daughters wedding, so now I'm completely humiliated and don't know what to say to that family. She flat out told me when I asked about them, "No, I'm sorry, I have to put my foot down, no more!" It is not because of capacity, there is plenty more room for guests, and like I've said, it's not because of money. She is just being controlling.

I feel badly that my sons bride has taken this turn, and I am slightly concerned that this behavior could be something that isn't even new, but rather she has been hiding it from us.
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Re: Bride being pushy about guest list

  • I don't really blame her. They do have to put their foot down somewhere. It is their wedding and they get the most say in the guest list. I think it's nice that you offered to pay for the additional guests, but they are still within their rights to say no. On a side note, are the bride and groom in agreement about not adding more guests?
  • In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]I am the Mother of the Groom in my sons upcoming wedding in 4 months. I very much like his bride, but she and I are having some disagreements about the guest list. Nothing unpleasant thus far, but I would like to keep it that way.The budget breakdown is this: 10,000 total budget, 2000 from my Husband and myself, 2000 from brides parents, and the remaining 6000 from the bride and groom. The anticipated guest list was about 50 people, but with our friends that we would like to invite, that number grew a bit. Of course we have offered to pay for those extra guests on top of the money we had already offered. Before the bride sent out the Save the Date's, she was lenient with the guest list, but in the last few weeks she has gradually stopped "letting" me invite friends. It is now at the point where she will not even allow me to invite family friends of ours who invited us to their daughters wedding, so now I'm completely humiliated and don't know what to say to that family. She flat out told me when I asked about them, "No, I'm sorry, I have to put my foot down, no more!" It is not because of capacity, there is plenty more room for guests, and like I've said, it's not because of money. She is just being controlling.I feel badly that my sons bride has taken this turn, and I am slightly concerned that this behavior could be something that isn't even new, but rather she has been hiding it from us. Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    JIC
  • Whenever people start adding guests on top of the list they originally gave the bride and groom (you don't mention your son here at all), I wonder how important these additional people could possibly be if you didn't remember them in the first place.

    Wedding invitations are not tit-for-tat. Just because a friend's daughter invited you to her wedding does not automatically mean her parents get an invite to your daughter's wedding, particularly if you are not footing the entire bill. There is no need to be humiliated; if they ask, you can just say "DS and FDIL have decided to have an intimate affiar of only their close family and friends". 

    Just because there is plenty of room and money doesn't mean the bride and groom want to share their day with everyone there parents have ever met. The wedding is for the bride and groom to share their day with the people who have a special place in their lives; it's not an event for their parents to impress the entire town. It doesn't sound like she's been impolite, or that your son disagrees with her (but again, where is he in all this?) so you need to move on and respect the couple's wishes to have a smaller wedding.  
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  • I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of, "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you."

    It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
  • Maybe she/they don't want the guestlist overrun with your friends. I don't think she is in the wrong at all.
  • Why are you adding more people each week? You should have come up with one list including all the guests you wanted, and offered that to the bride and groom before Save the Dates went out.

    The bride and groom do not have to accept your extra guests, nor your offer to pay for them. It doesn't have to be a capacity issue, they could just decide they do not want a lot of people at their wedding, which is their right. 

    Also, weddings are not tit for tat. Just because a family friend invited you to their daughter's wedding, does not mean you have to invite them to your son's wedding. As for what you tell them- nothing. It's rude to tell people they're not invited to an event; plus, the bride is your soon to be daughter-in-law- you don't want to be saying rude things about your family to your friends. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:09db389e-a5e7-4922-9834-43b36455517b">Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am the Mother of the Groom in my sons upcoming wedding in 4 months. I very much like his bride, but she and I are having some disagreements about the guest list. Nothing unpleasant thus far, but I would like to keep it that way. The budget breakdown is this: $10,000 total budget, $2000 from my Husband and myself, $2000 from brides parents, and the remaining $6000 from the bride and groom. The anticipated guest list was about 50 people, but with our friends that we would like to invite, that number grew a bit. Of course we have offered to pay for those extra guests on top of the money we had already offered. Before the bride sent out the Save the Date's, she was lenient with the guest list, but in the last few weeks she has gradually stopped "letting" me invite friends. It is now at the point where she will not even allow me to invite family friends of ours who invited us to their daughters wedding, so now I'm completely humiliated and don't know what to say to that family. She flat out told me when I asked about them, "No, I'm sorry, I have to put my foot down, no more!" It is not because of capacity, there is plenty more room for guests, and like I've said, it's not because of money. She is just being controlling. I feel badly that my sons bride has taken this turn, and I am slightly concerned that this behavior could be something that isn't even new, but rather she has been hiding it from us.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>I feel I need a little more information.  You say the wedding is in four months.  When did they get engaged and when you spoke initially about the size of the wedding and the guest list, did she set a due date for your list?</div><div>
    </div><div>I know it seems that she is being controlling, but please remember that there is a lot of stress on her.  At four months she is probably working on ordering the invitations and possibly getting all of that in order, and if those things are already in the works then I could understand why she would be drawing a line.  Also, I know in my world there can be a lot of stress on both sets of parents being equal in terms of the guest list.  What may be happening is every time you add someone, her parents may want to add too...</div><div>
    </div><div>I know in my situation, 50 is a small wedding in terms of our families, our friends, and our families' friends, and I would be rather upset if I had to limit my close friends because of the budget but my familes were adding people beyond the original guest limit.  </div>
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:1c5a6da6-ca0d-45b7-84a3-1f610f2ac60d">Re:Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't really blame her. They do have to put their foot down somewhere. It is their wedding and they get the most say in the guest list. I think it's nice that you offered to pay for the additional guests, but they are still within their rights to say no. On a side note, are the bride and groom in agreement about not adding more guests?
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
    This. Their wedding should not be a party for you to invite all your friends to. And why do you keep adding people?  If you wanted those people there,why were they not on your initial list?Who cares if there is plenty of space at the venue?  Some people simply don't want a larger wedding. <div>
    </div><div>
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  • The bride is being "controlling" because she is in control. It is her and  your son's wedding, not yours. It seems as though you told her an initial number, and now that number keeps growing. She probably doesn't even know the people you want to invite, and she is right, she has to put her foot down somewhere. The wedding is supposed to be small and intimate at 50 people, and with you running around inviting people, you are unilaterally trying to change her entire vision.

    Just stop inviting people, and accept that their vision is what matters, not yours. If there is any tension between yourself and the bride, it is because you overstepped. Not her.
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  • In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of, "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you."It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules. Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    I don't think her denying your money for more guests means she has changed.

    And if that is what your son is saying to you, I would assume he's on his brides side. It sounds like they decided together this is what they want and it's not up for debate.
  • Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3b3d6203-57ef-4512-9678-7406465af574">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of, "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you." It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm not sure how she's changing the rules here.  I think you need to respect their wishes on who they want at their wedding.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3b3d6203-57ef-4512-9678-7406465af574">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of, "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you." It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>She's not changing the rules, she and your son are beginning their family together, and this is a day about them getting married.  I know you would love for everyone you know to be there, but it isn't about parading them off- it's about them deciding to spend the rest of their lives together.  I would be proud of him for not discussing it with you, as he now has to have an alliance with his soon-to-be wife.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3b3d6203-57ef-4512-9678-7406465af574">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of,<strong> "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you."</strong> It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>Like it or not, that statement tells you that the topic is closed.  Your son and future daughter-in-law are a united front on this issue.</div>
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  •    I think it's bad that you are putting all the blame on her.   Your own son said it's not up for discusion.  Sounds like they are on the same page.

    If the STD are out, why are you even adding guests to the list?      FYI - My parents gave us a bigger percentage than you gave your son and they were not nearly as demanding.    We invited some of the friends, but not ever person they have ever attended their kids weddings.    
    Apologize to the couple and move on.  Your friends might be disappointed at not getting an invite.  They will not hold it against you. If they do get mad, then they are not real friends.  Not getting an invite to friend's child's wedding should not be relationship ending.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    MUD!! MUD ALERT! Put on your wellies!!
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  • n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3b3d6203-57ef-4512-9678-7406465af574">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of, "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you." <strong>It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride,</strong> she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    It sounds to me like your son is growing up, has found the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and you may just need to come to terms with this.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. <strong>She can do nothing by herself.</strong>
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]


    Hey -maybe, just maybe he loves her and wants to help. That could be an idea.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>Woah.  Stop right there.  You're being judgy.</div><div>
    </div><div>BF's dad works a lot.  His mom takes care of the cooking, cleaning, everything.  BF and I split things between us when we're together.  We both cook, clean, do laundry.  That doesn't mean I can't do it, it means I expect our relationship to be a partnership on all accounts.</div><div>
    </div><div>You aren't in that relationship.  You don't know what their arrangement is.  This could be why he doesn't want to discuss it further with you.  You seem to think that she's unable to do anything, but maybe he wants to be a part of everything.</div>
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  • In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little wedding related or not by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself. Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    But the planning of the wedding is on them. If you're as traditional as you say you are, then pay for the rehearsal dinner and stay out of the wedding planning.

    How do you know your son doesn't want to do all this stuff? It's his wedding too. Maybe he enjoys it.

    I'm starting to think MUD with this post.
  • In addition to what the other posters said, something that comes to mind for me is that she will have to spend some time with these people at the wedding in order to not be rude. That is time spent away from their loved ones and good friends. The night goes by so fast. They should be able to dance and socialize with the ones closest to them instead of accommodating virtual strangers.

    I think honesty and being able to talk things out is an important part of a lasting relationship. I'd approach her and talk about it. It may be something you can't change and then at least you'll have closure. Or maybe it is something you can change, like she is afraid you won't cover the expenses because has been burned by others who promised money in the past and you haven't given her the check yet. Just don't be pushy and accept any reason she gives even if you don't agree with it. It is really her choice who to invite and it seems that she gave you a lot of flexibility.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>Maybe he actually is interested in those things!  My FI would be upset if I did cake tastings without him, and he actually requested more flowers when I really couldn't have cared less (his thumb is green, mine is most definitely not!)</div><div>
    </div><div>This isn't the old school traditional world where the women plan the whole thing and the men just show up.  He is more than welcome to come to everything, and should be supporting her through the process.  After all- the planning of the wedding is about THEM, and the day they become one.  It's not about you and her becoming one.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:f58cf3e8-af61-49e7-b619-4afab01dd485">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : MUD!! MUD ALERT! Put on your wellies!!
    Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yep.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    What does this have to do with anything?  We are in 2013!  Men <strong>should </strong>be helping with cooking, cleaning and everything.  I think it's great that she includes your son in the planning- it is his wedding after all too.  I am sure if he did not want to participate in planning he would vocalize that to his bride.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:7fd23d76-b241-4f9e-bf93-37c2ef4a8785">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Yep.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    MUD or not, man this thread made me grateful for my FMIL! So thankful she's not this kind of psycho babble.
  • You know what's cute?  My cat tries to attack things on the screen while I'm playing WoW. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. <strong>She can do nothing by herself.</strong>
    Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

    <div>It seems like you have issues with the bride beyond guest list worries. I suggest you step back and stop thinking of her so negatively. She's joining your family. Just because she does things differently than you do, doesn't make her a bad person.</div><div>
    </div><div>And for the record, my husband does the majority of the cooking and cleaning in my household. He also helped me with wedding planning and came to vendor meetings with me.</div>
  • Her reaction makes total sense to me...She already sent out Save the Dates, assuming that the people you had given her was the guest list being used, so it sounds like you are the one changing the rules.  She said she doesn't want to invite more people.  Your son says he doesn't want to talk about inviting more people with you.  Sounds like "they" don't want to invite more people, especially people that they don't know well.  


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:98440c8d-b12c-40c1-9974-e2d0721444bc">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Maybe he actually is interested in those things!  My FI would be upset if I did cake tastings without him, and he actually requested more flowers when I really couldn't have cared less (his thumb is green, mine is most definitely not!) This isn't the old school traditional world where the women plan the whole thing and the men just show up.  He is more than welcome to come to everything, and should be supporting her through the process.  After all- the planning of the wedding is about THEM, and the day they become one.  It's not about you and her becoming one.
    Posted by hgminor[/QUOTE]

    My FI was interested in being involved in absolutely every detail. No way could I have left him at home to pick out everything with my mom and bridesmaids like the "old days." We had to both agree on every vendor and design or we didn't go with that vendor or design.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:6f793ec8-9ad8-4c6f-95cf-f7a3dcdae784">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Co-signed.  I might need to call my FMIL tonight, just to thank her for not being crazy.
    Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

    I actually do that. Or I'll text mine and say "I owe you a giant hug next time I see you". So thankful she's not "cray"
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:42fc9100-c4d6-484a-9045-0662068f7ef7">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : What does this have to do with anything?  We are in 2013!  <strong>Men should be helping with cooking, cleaning and everything.</strong>  I think it's great that she includes your son in the planning- it is his wedding after all too.  I am sure if he did not want to participate in planning he would vocalize that to his bride.
    Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>I hate that people even say "help".  It's like it's the woman's duty and he is just helping her.  </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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