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Uninvited children/babies...

happykrismisshappykrismiss
in Canada-Ontario
Hey everyone, I need some advice on how to respond to a guest's post on my Facebook wall. She posted today to my wall saying how excited she is for our wedding and added "make sure you don't forget to make room for baby at our table!" First of all, we have verbally made it clear to this guest that we are not inviting children to our wedding. Every wedding we have ever been to has been interrupted by a screaming infant, and that is just not for me. It's not that I don't like kids, my fianc and I both love them! However we do not want our very pricey big day to be interrupted by wailing babies and we would love it if our guests could just enjoy themselves with their friends and family without chasing after toddlers or having to leave becpause of crying babies. How do I nicely post back to this person to say her 3 month old will not be invited to our wedding? I found it horribly rude that she posted this on fb after we verbally made it very clear in person that we were not including her baby.
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Re: Uninvited children/babies...

  • Jewel224Jewel224 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2013
    You might want to make an exception for a 3 month old.  The baby is still fairly new and if she is breastfeeding, she will likely need to be close to the baby as most babies at this age feed every 2-4 hours.  If you think it's ridiculous that a mother can't be away from their new baby for that long when she's breastfeeding, please take into consideration that if they feed often, their breasts will be engorged within a few hours, so it is as much for the baby as it is for the mother.  As well, at this age, all the baby does is sleep and stay in their pram/stroller and usually parents of newly born children will often leave early - either after dinner or after the cake has been cut.

    Secondly, speaking from experience, when you're the centre of attention, you will not notice anything else going on around you during the ceremony.  Guaranteed that all you'll be focused on is the ceremony and how excited you are at finally being married.  The background and background noise just fades and blends into the background. 

    You need to consider how much you want her to be there to witness your wedding.  And while I agree that it is your big day, you did invite people to share this day with you.  If you insist that no children are allowed at all, you will have to speak to her and tell her that she can't bring her baby.  But do expect then that she may not decide to attend after all and in the process, you may lose that friendship.  If you're okay with that, then by all means do so.

    In case you are wondering, at my wedding, I let people know that it was only immediate family members and those of our wedding party who could bring children.  I didn't have any pushback as most of our friends' children were over the age of 2. My reasonings were different - it was more due to costs because with my vendor, children over 4 were charged half price and a lot of my friends have on average 2 children each, and we had a maximum guest list of 200 people due to our budget. 
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  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Good advice Jewel.
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  • naomikbnaomikb member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Everything Jewel said. 

    The exception to the "no children" rule is always made for young babies - they need to eat frequently, mom doesn't want to leave them alone.  They will sleep most of the time anyways.

    If you were going out of your way to be nice you could also find her a private room at your reception (like a bridal suite room) where she can BF, quiet the baby, get it to sleep, etc. in peace.
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  • LILIPAD27LILIPAD27
    First Comment
    Exactly what everybody says about the age of the baby. Secondly, I wouldn't respond to her fb post. I would just wait until I send out the invitation and hopefully she will get the hint when it doesn't say " family" or you write adults only on the invitation or whatever you choose to do. People did call me and asked if they can brin their kids, and I just politely said there isn't any room which there wasn't. That lady posted that on purpose to hint to you that she wants to bring her kid.
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  • LILIPAD27LILIPAD27
    First Comment
    3 month old?? There is no way you can say the baby isn't invited. C'mon!
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  • Jewel224Jewel224 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    Just to add to Lilipad's post...the names of the invited guests are to be written on the envelope. So if you're inviting Jack and Jane Smith, only Jack and Jane Smith should be written.  It should be understood that is who is invited to the event.  If you write, "The Smith Family" or Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family" that indicates the family is invited.  Go under the assumption people understand this.  If they don't, they should be calling you and asking what is appropriate.

    Please do not write "Adults Only" on the invitation as it is considered impolite to do so.
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  • LizaPoulosLizaPoulos member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I think it's rude of anyone to bring a child (no matter what age), if the request was specific about not bringing children. The mom is being inconsiderate of the bride's wishes to have a screaming chlld-free day - after all, it is her day. I'm sure both mom and baby can be apart for a few short hours without any incident.

    In response to Jewel saying that the bride would likely not be distracted by the screaming/crying of the baby, she's probably right, but I'm not sure the guests at the table with the screaming baby won't find it distracting.

    If the mother had the gall to post that comment on FB, it sounds like no matter what you say, she will bring her child, so I would be prepared for that. 

    I've made it abundantly clear that we are having an 'adults only' wedding, and I'd like to think that all of my guests would honour my request as well.

    Good luck!
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