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Snarky Brides

Me or Them? (Vent)

I got enganged and was SUPER excited! My mother and I immediately started planning and coming up with ideas with a date in mind for 9 months out. I thought things were going great. We had the budget talk with both sides and things were under-way and going great! The one day when discussing honeymoon options with my mother she gave me this half hour long lecture about how stressed out for money they are and how my dad is pulling out his hair even though we had already agreed on the budget.

So in the light of saving money and avoiding all the stress (plus I wasn't too excited about the formal wedding anyway) my fiance and I have decided to go on a cruise and bring some witnesses and our own officiant and get married on the boat over the sunset. I had called and okay'd this with the cruise line and found out the logistics about everything and it would cost us about 1/10th of the price of a formal wedding. We told our immediate family members and although its not ideal, they said, they support us and are even going to come on the cruise with us. We are calling it our wedding/honeymoon/family vacation all rolled into one! Some friends of ours even want to come too and are willing to pay their own way. I thought everything was going perfect ... till I had to call and tell my extended family.

Just from my grandparents, and my 2 aunts, they have given me enough gilt to question my decisions. Now I am sitting here super bummed out because I am thinking about cancelling my cruise to have an actual wedding and reception because I dont want them to be sad. But my fiance and best friend keep telling me that this is my day, and my wedding, and my marriage and that we should do what we want for the wedding. After the cruise we can throw a giant celbratory party or what-not to celebrate with extended family and friends. But the guilt is getting to me pretty bad.

HELP!!!

Re: Me or Them? (Vent)

  • edited April 2013
    Our parents are graciously paying for our wedding, but we never expected them to also cover the honeymoon. If you want to go on honeymoon, plan something you can afford.  If you decide you'd prefer to do the cruise, you have to accept that many VIPs will not be able to attend and you need to understand and accept that.  People will have many reasons: money, not liking cruises, no vacation time from work, etc.  You can have an AHR but people on here will tell you that you cannot have first dance, cake cutting, etc.
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  • I think I may have worded things wrong. I never expected my family to pay for the honeymoon. That was something we were going to pay for. I also never expected any one else to come on the cruise with us, that was their own decisions. We were doing this to get away from having our families spend their money on our wedding and we can't afford anything for a big crowd. So this was our solution to us paying for our own wedding and honeymoon.
  • I would be interested to know more about how a cruise wedding is 1/10th what you'd spend on a regular wedding.  When I looked into cruise weddings, the wedding packages were very expensive, you couldn't take any photos yourself - not even quick cellphone snaps - because you had to use the ship photographer who was very expensive, and your reception was one of many to be held in the same large ballroom.  You'd get your own seating area, but you'd be in the same big ballroom as 8 or 9 other wedding groups who got married that day too.  Seemed to me to be more expensive and a lot less private / personal.
  • Ok got it .. so what are your family members giving you guilt about?  Do they not approve of a wedding on the cruise or are they upset because they can't attend for personal reasons?

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  • For all the reasons stated above, I would not want to have a cruise wedding to save money. It seems it would be a lot easier to simply have a small wedding and reception with just close friends and immediate family in attendance, and DIY as much as possible. Then plan a honeymoon outside of that. A honeymoon can be pretty inexpensive, especially during the off season when hotel rates are much lower.

    One of the best weddings I've ever been to was 100% DIY. The bride's son is a chef and he made all the food with the help of the bridesmaids, her friends decorated the site with decoration's they'd made beforehand, the dresses were purchased on sale, and the photographer (me!) was free because I wanted to do it for free as a gift to the bride and groom, because they are close friends. The DJ was the band director of the local high school and family friend, the bartender was a friend of the MOH and she worked for free as a gift too. Everyone came together to help support the couple to make it as stress free and inexpensive as possible and the wedding was a blast for everyone who attended. I heard several people say it was the most beautiful wedding they'd ever been to. There was just under 100 guests.

    If you plan well enough, I'm sure you can come up with some solutions.
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  • Get married at the courthouse on a Friday and have family and limited friends at a resturant.  Depending on budget, this is one of the least expensive ways tog et married.  If your relatives are super upset then I would tell them to discuss with your parents, not you.  And if by getting married ont eh cruise you are basically not having a reception but getting legally married, this can be much less expensive if the cruise line allows this.  You either have to tell the relatives-sorry, this is what we are doing!-or you need to speak to your parents and set a more realistic budget and cut your attendance numbers.  I personally would not want to spend my honeymoon with family to save money.  :)   But this is married life, making big decisions and possibly hurting someone's feelings whether you want to or not.  You can't help how they feel so just make a decision and stick with it, whatever it might be.
  • I noticed a LOT of negative reactions to your cruise wedding, so I want to write a positive one. You should absolutely be excited for your cruise wedding! You will have so much fun! I am getting married at a resort in Tulum, Mexico in October and I decided on a destination wedding for many of the same reasons.  Whatever other people say, most weddings in the US are expensive! Even if you invite 30 people and have it locally it will cost many thousands of dollars.  We realized that we wouldn't be able to afford a small wedding (even getting married in a city park!) and a honeymoon.  Overall, we are spending much less on our wedding/honeymoon week on a tropical beach with our closest friends and family than if we had planned a small local wedding.  We do have some older family members that won't be able to make it and that is hard, but they wouldn't have been able to make it to where we live either.  We are going to make sure and spend time with them before or after the wedding.  

    Bottom line, if you are happy with your choice don't let other people sway you.  I think it will be lots of fun and you won't have to deal with a lot of the issues that other brides have to.  You will be fed, your room will be cleaned and you will have built in entertainment that is all included! Enjoy!   Smile
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