My husband has a recently engaged cousin who neither of us are particularly close to- they didn't know each other at all growing up, and reconnected maybe five years ago, but still only see each other casually, maybe two or three times a year. I've met this woman a grand total of four times (one of which was at my own wedding).
Yesterday, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I said yes- mistake, I know, but she asked me in front of a huge group of people including several of of my husband's family members that I don't know very well, and I didn't want to make a scene. She- seriously; I'm not joking here - told me she was asking me because she needed an extra person so that should could have even sides. (At the same time, she asked my husband to walk her down the aisle - her father passed away and she doesn't have any close male relatives - because she "needed someone tall" and my husband is 6'6.)
So, I've seen on these boards all the time that people are going to have their feelings hurt if they feel like they're being treated more like props than people...I believed it, sure, but I didn't really get it until I was just asked to shell out $200 (which I can afford, but I have other things I would prefer to spend my money on) for a dress I'll never wear again just so that the bride can have even sides. Yeesh. Yes, my feelings are hurt.
So, I'm considering calling her next week and telling her I've changed my mind and I don't want to be in the wedding. My husband says I probably won't upset anybody in his family too much if I do (though they can be touchy about things I can't always predict and my husband isn't always good at predicting it either). But, I don't know, I'm only saying no because it's a mild pain in the butt to pay for an ugly dress and because my feelings/pride are hurt because I feel like I'm being used as a prop. I'm kind of opposed on principle to buying a dress that costs more than I would ever spend on a dress for myself, in order to do a favor for someone who effectively just insulted me. But I also recognize that in the grand scheme of things that's a fairly stupid hill to choose to die on.
I'm not nearly close enough to the bride to call her out for being rude- we're at that stage of not knowing someone very well where it's still rude to tell a rude person they're being rude, kwim? So there's really no chance to talk it out, and I don't even know what reason I would give for stepping down, other than that we don't know each other very well and I'm uncomfortable with it. But given how we've started out, I'm already getting the bridezilla vibe from her and I can't imagine things going anywhere but down.
So, two questions- step down over something fairly trivial in the grand scheme of things, or suck it up to make sure I don't make waves with my husband's family? And, if I should step down, best way to explain it to her?