How early to ask my maids?

OnLA · March 2013

So I know who my maids will be, my 2 sisters and 2 close friends. My sisters already know because it's basically assumed and we've talked about it many times before. My 'issue' is that one of the other girls is already helping me weed through things, mostly because she's planning obesessed with me and loves this stuff so we chat and email ideas all the time. She's likely going to be a maid - although it does depends on my FH as I want equal numbers. She's my fourth, as long as my FH has 4 guys she's in. She's asked a couple times about who my maids will be and I keep declining to say, she has made comments that indicate she's not anticipating being one but I'm not sure. I just don't know when I should ask her...I know all the magazines etc say to do it a few months ahead of time, I just don' t know what to do.

SlothGoals · March 2013

Don't ask yet, wait until about 6-7 months before the wedding.

Also, you don't need equal sides. Please don't put even numbers above friendships.

fuerst37 · March 2013

Don't worry about equal numbers and balancing. We originally each had four (coincidence) and two weeks out, a groomsman dropped out. We were disappointed (because of why he needed to drop, not because of balance), but my husband was still surrounded by great guys, which was what is important. And frankly, I don't think anyone noticed. And yes, I'd say 6ish months out is a good time. Relationships change.

yellowdaisies84 · March 2013

Personally I asked my maids in October for a September wedding, so 11 months out. They are our sisters, though, so I wasn't worried about a friendship changing.

Summer2011Bride · March 2013

Ask who you want and don't worry about equal numbers. You should be asking the girls who you could not imagine getting married without them by your side, the nearest and dearest to you. Would you honestly cut one of them just because you want even sides? That is insane to me, and it makes them feel like props in your wedding.

Typically people suggest waiting until 9 months out or so to begin asking people.

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-early-to-ask-my-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f18ad8a-ed68-48d3-ad55-b4c97d775e86Post:2af76b5f-d1b9-4b56-b9a4-87367e75f75e">How early to ask my maids?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I know who my maids will be, my 2 sisters and 2 close friends. My sisters already know because it's basically assumed and we've talked about it many times before. My 'issue' is that one of the other girls is already helping me weed through things, mostly because she's planning obesessed with me and loves this stuff so we chat and email ideas all the time.<strong> She's likely going to be a maid - although it does depends on my FH as I want equal numbers. </strong> She's my fourth, as long as my FH has 4 guys she's in. She's asked a couple times about who my maids will be and I keep declining to say, she has made comments that indicate she's not anticipating being one but I'm not sure. I just don't know when I should ask her...I know all the magazines etc say to do it a few months ahead of time, I just don' t know what to do.
Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think it's awful that you would determine a BM based on wanting to have equal sides rather than frienship. If she means that much to you, have her in. Who cares about equal sides????

</div>

OnLA · April 2013

okay, in my own defence, no matter if she is a maid or not she will still be a part of my wedding and I will ask her to do something else if she wasn't to be a maid.
If my FH wants 6 guys, I don't have 6 girls so we'll end up unbalanced. I just prefer to have the same number. Please do not refer to me as superficial, that's not what this is about.

I want to tell her I want her to be in the party, I just don't want to do it too soon. We've been friends for 9+ years (the other girl for about 20 years) I'm not really worried about the relationships changing, I just don't have any details to give them yet about when or where it is, we haven't decided.

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-early-to-ask-my-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f18ad8a-ed68-48d3-ad55-b4c97d775e86Post:bc89eff7-7206-4eab-9090-8148a67c851d">Re: How early to ask my maids?</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, in my own defence, no matter if she is a maid or not <strong>she will still be a part of my wedding and I will ask her to do something else if she wasn't to be a maid. </strong> If my FH wants 6 guys, I don't have 6 girls so we'll end up unbalanced. I just prefer to have the same number. <strong> Please do not refer to me as superficial, that's not what this is about.</strong> I want to tell her I want her to be in the party, I just don't want to do it too soon. We've been friends for 9+ years (the other girl for about 20 years) I'm not really worried about the relationships changing, I just don't have any details to give them yet about when or where it is, we haven't decided.
Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

To the first bolded: the only other thing you can ask her to do in your wedding that is an honor is be a reader. Please do not ask her to be a greeter, guestbook attendant, personal attendant, etc. Those are crap JOBS that people should get paid to do. They are not honors.

What non-superficial reason do you have for wanting even sides? I am genuinely asking. Because the only two reasons I can think of for having even sides is so things are even in pictures (which is superficial; do you just randomly grab people off the street to make your family pics even normally?) and so that no one has to walk alone down the aisle, which is again superficial and can easily be solved by having two GMs escort one BM.

AddieCake · April 2013

ZOMG we were unbalanced!! I am so embarrassed. I had no idea this was a wedding ruiner.

LiASpitsSunshinE · April 2013

If you want even sides go for it. I'm sure your fourth friend will understand that she couldn't be a BM because your FI only wanted to ask three guys and having even sides is really more important that having your closest friends stand with you on the big day. You can include her by letting her help you plan. It's practically the same as being a BM, since it is really about free labor and perfect pictures anyway.

OnLA · April 2013

okay so it's superficial, I want the look and guess what, girl #4 agrees that she likes even sides. She won't know the difference anyways because I won't have asked her yet.
My question as to how soon to ask has been answered, thank you ladies.

OliveOilsMom · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-early-to-ask-my-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f18ad8a-ed68-48d3-ad55-b4c97d775e86Post:c762f2c1-dcc3-4bf5-962d-c094c99e338d">Re: How early to ask my maids?</a>:
[QUOTE]okay so it's superficial, I want the look and guess what, <strong>girl #4 agrees that she likes even sides.</strong> She won't know the difference anyways because I won't have asked her yet. My question as to how soon to ask has been answered, thank you ladies.
Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

And she's only agreeing to the bolded because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but on the inside, I'm sure HER feelings are hurt that even sides are more important to you than who is standing next to you at your wedding.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

It is pretty sad that you are putting numbers above your friends feelings.

When you look back on your wedding pictures 20 years down the road will the even sides really matter all that much?

Raeneera · April 2013

why does it really matter? if i were in a bridal party, id like to know as soon as possible, seeing as ill have to take time off of work or reschedule things like a vacation days ive put in for, and save money for a BM dress shoes. i told 3/4 of my girls 18 months out, and i know they all have a limited budget so i told them to use this time to put away a couple dollars a week that way theyre not in the hole come dress/shoes buying time. the situation is different for everyone, but i dont see the big deal telling them early.

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-early-to-ask-my-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f18ad8a-ed68-48d3-ad55-b4c97d775e86Post:94fe3724-dc2f-4abc-ae5d-29ac5b459fa4">Re: How early to ask my maids?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, just to be clear, you're freaking out on not one but TWO boards about being described as superficial when you admit you ARE in fact being superficial? Does this mean I get to have a diva fit the next time someone dares to say that I have a cat in my siggy pic?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Now you've called her a Diva, you freakin' keyboard gangsta!

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

Well I guess if you admit you are superficial, there isn't much else to say.

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-early-to-ask-my-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f18ad8a-ed68-48d3-ad55-b4c97d775e86Post:c762f2c1-dcc3-4bf5-962d-c094c99e338d">Re: How early to ask my maids?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>okay so it's superficial,</strong> I want the look and guess what, girl #4 agrees that she likes even sides. She won't know the difference anyways because I won't have asked her yet. My question as to how soon to ask has been answered, thank you ladies.
Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow, I can't believe even sides trumps friendship. What an awesome friend you are!

</div>

Raeneera · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-early-to-ask-my-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5f18ad8a-ed68-48d3-ad55-b4c97d775e86Post:245d0e94-531b-41ff-9e80-1b1e6e20935d">Re:How early to ask my maids?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:How early to ask my maids? : Why would you want to know as soon as possible. You're not going to buy a dress 18 months ahead of time are you? As fot the budget, you ask them what they can afford, you don't tell them how much they will be spending and then insiste they pinch their pennies to pay for the dress you picked for them. It is better to wait because friendships change. For some people, they don't but sometimes they do. People come here all the time complaining about BMs who they've grown apart from and are now stuck with.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I'm glad someone answered me!! I'd like to know soon like i said above, scheduling, I only have so many vacation/sick days at work. No, I dont plan on having them buy a BM dress until a few months before the wedding, and I have asked thier budgets, which works out for them, seeing as they can put away a small amount over a long time. I guess i do understand that Friendships change, and growing apart thing! I never thought of that since i've known all my ladies for 5-10 years now, through some of thier marriages as well. Wel i gues I'm stuck with mine, I've already asked them lol. :)

julie650 · April 2013

If she likes even sides, she likes even sides, it is what it is. If I made every girl that thought she was going to be a BM, an actual BM, I would have way too big of a party...it just isn't going to happen and some people aren't going to be included. A lot of us have done this to some extent. Some people just like the traditional even sides. If we were never superficial, we wouldn't make our bms wear dresses or our gm tuxes. I personally this uneven sides is ugly, but that is MY opinion...people can obviously think different, imagine that. OP, have you considered what job you would give her if she wasn't your BM?

How early to ask my maids?

Re: How early to ask my maids?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards