Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Who should be invited to Bridal Shower?

classyashley918classyashley918 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all,

I know iterations of this question have been asked and I apologize if I am being repetitive but didn't really find my answer in searching the archives...

My MOH is graciously throwing me a shower where I currently live and asked me for a guest list. My FMIL also indicated she wants to do an informal couple's shower/BBQ where they are (different region). FMIL is orignially from the area we currently live so has several friends and family who still live here. There is no plan to do anything from where I am from which is in yet another region of the country far, far, far away.

So, in making my list I have the obvious:
My friends from throughout the country will be invited (not expecting those who live far away to come, but since we are a single group of friends don't want there to be concerns that person who lives 20 miles from me is invited but not the one who lives 200. I plan to make it clear that I don't expect them to come or to send a present or anything but wanted them to feel included).
FI's local family will be invited (sister, aunt, cousin)
Both moms will be invited
etc.

Those from the region from where FI is from will be invited to that event, not both.


Here are the questions:
1) Family my age (cousins) who are not local but within driving distance? If I invite them do I need to invite their parents (they are actually my second cousins, so my dad's cousin's daughter). If I invite them do I also need to invite the other side (so the cousin's sister and kids) who live across the country for parity?

2) What about FMIL's local friends?

3) What about FIL's relatives who live in driving distance of current location but not local and not in driving distance to where FIL's live? (both those our age and those who are older adults?)

I am getting worried that if I include someone and not someone else I am going to offend someone!!

Thanks for your help!

P.S. Yes, all of them are invited to the wedding, just to make that clear since I know that is a huge faux pas.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Who should be invited to Bridal Shower?

  • classyashley918classyashley918 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-invited-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98e7134e-2547-483f-9139-fe02bab3bf15Post:e1bd5dcb-88f3-4bbc-ac06-b502274c941b">Re:Who invited to Bridal Shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Regarding 2 ... are those friends invited to the wedding? Have you ever met them? If they are invited, but you haven't met them, I say no. I think it could be gift grabby. If FMIL was hosting the shower instead of your MOH, that would be different
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    Yes, they are all invited to the wedding -- I know that's a huge ettiquette no-no. I've met most of these folks (I think all but one) and had meals with them and such but it still feels awkward. I don't want to come across as gift grabby, but just don't want to "snub" people either...
    Report Reply
  • gailpetegailpete member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    First- I assume you asked each person hosting a shower how many guests they are able to host. 
    Second- the only people that should be invited to every shower are the moms, the bridal party and possibly the grandmas (they only need to bring a gift to one shower)
    Third- as PPs have said, the shower should be for your nearest and dearest.  Not every female invited to the wedding needs to be invited to a shower.

    If any of the people in your lists above fall into the second or third category above and are within the limits set by one, give their name to the hostess for an invitation.  It is nice to send invites to people that are close to you, but can't attend due to distance, but YOU should not be telling them that you understand they can't make it and you don't expect them to send you a gift.  If they contact you directly to say they are sorry they will miss the shower, tell them they will be missed and you understand.  Say nothing about gifts.
    Report Reply
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    1.  No. 
    2.  No, unless FMIL asks two of her friends to come over and help her with the event. 
    3.  No. 

    The bridal shower is for those very close friends of the bride, who have been with her through thick and thin, who have been her counsel throughout her courtship with FI.  Your distant first/second cousins do not meet that criteria, etc.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards