Need to vent

beachgirl910 · March 2013

I picked my bridesmaids almost a year ago. Originally my wedding was going to be in September but I changed my venue and date and asked all 3 of them if it was going to be an issue. Well one backed out so I asked someone else to take her place and I am actually closer now to the girl who is taking her place so no biggie. The other 2 said it was fine and we all went dress shopping and everyone has their dresses now and things were moving along. I just got a phone call from one of the girls who said she "accidentaly" said yes to being in another wedding on that same day and totally forgot mine was in October. The other wedding is actually her best friend and now she is torn..I understand she wouldnt want to miss her best friends wedding but I just feel so betrayed I guess mostly because she forgot my wedding day and one of the girls had already backed out so that makes 2 in one month. Am I being over emotional?

[Deleted User] · March 2013

I have to ask what your relationship to the BM is. As for her saying yes to another wedding? Your date was originally in September, and I'm assuming you told them all that date when you asked them. When did you change your date to October?

beachgirl910 · March 2013

She has been a good friend of mine since middle school. Originally it was in September and i had my venue but I fell in love with another venue and they didnt have that date available so I had to change my date to their availibility. She knew I had changed my date before she said yes to the other wedding. FYI, she is going to be a "best man" in this wedding. Her best friend in the groom and he asked her and I guess in all the excitement of them just getting engaged she said yes and it hit her a few days later that my date was also 10/26.

Stina51286 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:439bc984-2ec6-45f3-9ff1-c9abfe086ff2Post:94a7d9b1-3c0c-4269-852a-245e7c57e75b">Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I picked my bridesmaids almost a year ago. Originally my wedding was going to be in September but I changed my venue and date and asked all 3 of them if it was going to be an issue. <strong>Well one backed out so I asked someone else to take her place and I am actually closer now to the girl who is taking her place so no biggie.</strong> The other 2 said it was fine and we all went dress shopping and everyone has their dresses now and things were moving along. I just got a phone call from one of the girls who said she "accidentaly" said yes to being in another wedding on that same day and totally forgot mine was in October. The other wedding is actually her best friend and now she is torn..I understand she wouldnt want to miss her best friends wedding but I just feel so betrayed I guess mostly because she forgot my wedding day and one of the girls had already backed out so that makes 2 in one month. Am I being over emotional?
Posted by beachgirl910[/QUOTE]

1. You shouldn't have done that. If it was a date issue for the BM that backed out and thats it, you should have never replaced her. If a friend did that to me, I would have been severely hurt.

2. Don't take it personal. If she is closer to that friend well then let it go. Don't replace her either. You also asked your girls way too early. Unless you meant that you were supposed to get married this last Sept instead of this Sept.

SewInLoveWithDMB · March 2013

On here, people get really upset about "replacing bridesmaids." It depends upon if you have 5 set and publicly announced the 5 and then really close to the date one drops out...and then you "replace" that one - by borrowing the other's dres and taking actions of that sort. That is uncool.

Asking someone to be in the bridal party, not ordering dresses yet and not making a big deal about the other girls, and one drops out...and you add another close friend? Not a big deal. I had asked my girls at different points, so at any given time, no one knew who else was in or had already been asked (Fortunately, all said yes so there was no 'replacing' happening...) It just depends on how it is handled. It's also strange if the "replacement" is happening just to "make sides even." They don't need to be.

In your case, I don't think the issue is the "replacement" part. With that amount of time and asking other close friends to in your bridal party, it's all good.

I, too, would be annoyed if a friend said yes to be in my wedding, and then dropped out cause they forgot about your date being the same as another friend's wedding. Honestly, that's pretty crappy.

As much as your friend cannot tell the other couple what to do, there should be some level of honoring commitments - she did say yes to your wedding first, and technically, shouldn't back out because of a "better" offer. Again, that's pretty crappy.

You might want to re-evaluate your friendship with this person. The writing appeared on the wall pretty quickly and it sucks that you feel hurt in the process.

At this point, since dresses are ordered, choosing somone else would fall into the "uncool" replacement category. I don't think there is much you can do other than to just know that she isn't the nicest person and take it from there. I don't really have great advice - just learn from the situation that people can sometimes do things that really hurt.

beachgirl910 · March 2013

I dont think I did anything wrong by adding another bridesmaid when the other backed out, honestly she was looking for a way out anyway I think because her husband lost his job and the new venue is 3 hours away so she said she could not do it for financial reasons. She took her dress back and got her money back and we simply ordered another dress for the other girl. Not real sure why this is even an issue.

Regarding the other one who commited to 2 weddings, if she chooses to do the other wedding I am not adding another girl. I will just have 2 bridesmaids instead of 3.

beachgirl910 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:439bc984-2ec6-45f3-9ff1-c9abfe086ff2Post:75f86f05-a26b-4886-b6e8-bd6a4a43a853">Re: Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]You should have never asked anyone to be your BM that over a year in advance of your wedding. Granted there is nothing you can do about that part now. I agree with Stina, you should have never replaced the BM and should not replace this one if she has to drop it. It seems like they are just props for your wedding.
Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]

Umm who's wedding is this anyway? I thought I could come here and get advice from other brides who may be going through a similar situation. Wow, I feel sorry for your husbands. I am out

baxterdreamer · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:439bc984-2ec6-45f3-9ff1-c9abfe086ff2Post:62c3536c-a70a-4564-bde2-f080e881196b">Re: Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need to vent : Umm who's wedding is this anyway? I thought I could come here and get advice from other brides who may be going through a similar situation. Wow, I feel sorry for your husbands. I am out
Posted by beachgirl910[/QUOTE]

I don't think the girls meant it that way. It was more or less them telling you to take it as a sign. Having uneven sides should be just fine. And really, you only want your VIPs up there with you anyway. So if you're having to search for another, it seems forced. Now people know two girls have backed out and it's like you're on the BM hunt!!

The best thing about advice is you're going to get good, bad and ugly. Just depends on how you decide to utilize it.

09McSteph03 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:439bc984-2ec6-45f3-9ff1-c9abfe086ff2Post:02674a5a-8ee9-46ec-89bf-f55258ac8c8d">Re: Need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need to vent : So if you're having to search for another, it seems forced. Now people know two girls have backed out and it's like you're on the BM hunt!! <div>
</div><div>The best thing about advice is you're going to get good, bad and ugly. Just depends on how you decide to utilize it.
Posted by baxterdreamer[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Just expanding to Baxter, She said it all well.

</div><div>The girls here have been around long enough to see some really terrible ideas and treatment of family/friends/wedding party/vendors. NOT saying you (OP) treated someone terribly but the girls will always call out when something was done against the rules of modern etiquette. In this one case, it's usually advised to pick BMs with less than one year to go. Then if one drops, a "replacement" is seen as bad tasted. You replace tires, forks, vacuum bags but not people and the group of people who were important enough to stand by your side when you asked. That's the jist. No one can change that the BMs were asked earlier than maybe they should have been to avoid some needing to back out but replacing the one you feel you need to is highly discouraged that's all. </div><div>
</div><div> It's always your wedding, but you will always get very honest feedback here. There are other sites that will tell you everything is beautiful, perfectly tasteful and all about YOU. I prefer it around here though. My long winded point is you are welcome here, no need to bow out because this post did go as expected. </div><div> </div>

libby18bell · March 2013

OP the asking the BM over a year out isn't as big of a deal to me, since I also did the same thing, granted I semi had to because one of my BM had to plan her year accordingly (she has another wedding she's in a few weeks before mine, and she wanted to have a baby before the wedding so she could look fabulous for the weddings). I think the bigger issue is the replacement idea. You should have figured it out before you asked anyone who you wanted to stand by your side, regardless of the number of BM and then ask them, don't ask someone just cause another person backed out.

I'm sorry you've had two girls back out though. With the double wedding booking is the exact reason I coordinated with one of my BM, found out when her other wedding was, and we planned accordingly. Will the girls still be able to attend your wedding, just not be BMs?

MuppetFan · April 2013

Gosh, they are that touchy on all the boards huh? I

09McSteph03 · April 2013

I swear - some days it's like a twilight zone

Love the sig. I feel the need to sing all the "meme"s

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