Thursday Wedding

moonraffe · March 2013

So my FI and I are getting married on a Thursday. However, it's not just because we were like "Thursday! Money saving!" or anything (so far the money "breaks" we've received have been very minimal). These are the reasons:

-He proposed with his "family ring" which had been used by his grandfather and father to propose to their future wives.

-My grandparents and parents were married on the date we have, which falls on a Thursday this year.

-We're doing a destination wedding, so we figured plenty of people wouldn't be able to come regardless of the day.

We thought that with the traditions of the generations we've incorporated into our engagement/wedding it wouldn't be too side-eyed by people. Definitely we understand that people might not come because of the day, the travel, expenses, time off, and a million other reasons that are legit. We had checked the date with our VIPs (mainly our immediate families and our wedding party) and all were cool with it except one who, realistically, won't be able to make it no matter when or where we get married. We also explained our reasons of wanting to continue a tradition (all the above mentioned marriages lasted and, as far as we both know, were quite happy ones), but it's not like we've called every invitee and shared it.

So my question: Would you side-eye a Thursday wedding invite? We're not going to change our date, I'm just curious. Would you side-eye it less if you knew the part about my grandparents/parents?

And if you're interested, it's in the evening on Thursday with a full dinner, open bar, no gap, etc.

lyndausvi · March 2013

As long as you are realistic that people might not be able to attend then it really doesn't matter to me when or where people have their wedding.

smalfrie19 · March 2013

as long as you dont have grand expectations that EVERYONE should show up regardless of the day I think it is fine. As long as you are realistic with yourself there is nothing really to side-eye.

MuppetFan · March 2013

I am less offended by a Thursday evening Wedding than a Monday wedding. I haven't put a finger on my logic for that yet.

If it were within a 1 hour radius, I would come.

If it were a destination wedding, I would not come unless you were my sibling or one of 3 people on the planet. I have no siblings, and 2/3 people are married.....so...that leaves 1 person...and I would home that dude could get married on a Saturday.

emenz47 · March 2013

Mine is 11 am on a Tuesday so Thursday would not bother me at all.

moonraffe · March 2013

I have no expectations. I've actually been surprised at the amount of people telling me they've already booked their hotel and can't wait for the wedding (we sent STDs recently).

But just curious what other people thought or if we should make an effort to explain our date choice to more people.

MuppetFan · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:e2cda050-06cc-415a-a32d-097c537ec8c7">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know that you have to share the reasons behind your date choice. Personally, I love all the family history that is behind you and your FI wedding with this being the third generation for both the ring and date. But I am completely enthralled by family histories and the reasons behind choices. I think the story is truly incredible and am so excited for you.
Posted by Ctexasgurl26[/QUOTE]

I would say that could be a cool STD if you hadn't already done your STD...but if you were thinking of custom invites....could be cool for the invites to somehow show that history.

aRachel21 · March 2013

I would normally say it's a bad idea, but since it's a destination wedding, i don't think the actual day of the week matters. People will be taking time off from work anyway, so I think yoiu're good!

perfectisboring · March 2013

I wouldn't side-eye it, especially because you have such a lovely reason for your date. If it's a destination wedding, people are probably taking a few days off work for it anyways, so celebrating on a Thursday shouldn't be a problem.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:68fbb0f5-c61b-47de-89b9-3ddc3561988d">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would normally say it's a bad idea, but since it's a destination wedding, i don't think the actual day of the week matters. People will be taking time off from work anyway, so I think yoiu're good!
Posted by aRachel21[/QUOTE]
This.

tanyamary627 · March 2013

Do you have a wedding website? You can add a page with the history/meaning of your wedding date and tell your story. I know that not all guests will look at it, but if you are having a destination wedding and travel info is listed on it, guests may be more likely to visit the site.

Simply Fated · March 2013

I wouldn't sideeye it, but I'm one of those people who has a harder time taking off from work in a weekend. I could fly or drive back in on Friday and still work Sat and Sun. Your reason doesn't sound better than saving money. I mean, it just sounds like you're justifying your decision, which you shouldn't have to do.

JoanE2012 · March 2013

See, if it were a destination wedding that fell on a Saturday, there would be a better chance I'd attend. Maybe I'd only have to take one day (Friday) off from work. With a Thursday wedding, I'm probably looking at three days off. So unless you were a close friend or family memeber, I'd probably skip it. Unless you were getting married in a really cool place that could double as a mini vacation......like a Caribbean island.

SomethingBeautiful08 · March 2013

If I recieved a Thursday wedding from a friend, I would be curious as to why that particular day, though it sounds like since it is a DW that might actually dictate if I could come or not more then the day of the week. It would be nice to include the story on a wedding website, even just set up a quick blog and put a note in the invites... maybe put the story in the program if you are having one. Something to think about.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

We married on a Thursday!! It was a destination wedding in Bermuda. We planned it that way so anyone who wanted to cruise (cheaper for hotel/eating/etc) would be in port that day.

Honestly, as long as your VIPs are okay with it and you understand that people may not be able to make it, then you're fine.

moonraffe · March 2013

Thanks for the feedback, seems to be about what I thought it would be. I'm not really trying to justify my decision by sharing my reasons here, it was more curiousity. And to see if we should make an effort to share the story more/if people would want to hear it (I think it's spread pretty far with word of mouth though-after all, he flew 8,000 miles to propose to me so that part got around too).

Though I am curious-Stage, why is a special date a worse reason than saving money in your opinion? (FWIW, casual friends and distant relatives were not invited-well...on our part anyway, FMIL may have gotten carried away with excitement who she verbally invited and thus, are now getting invites)

JoanE2012 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:b3b6f711-d314-4f6e-a1c3-0d3b0f949037">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback, seems to be about what I thought it would be. I'm not really trying to justify my decision by sharing my reasons here, it was more curiousity. And to see if we should make an effort to share the story more/if people would want to hear it (I think it's spread pretty far with word of mouth though-after all, he flew 8,000 miles to propose to me so that part got around too). Though I am curious-Stage, why is a special date a worse reason than saving money in your opinion? (<strong>FWIW, casual friends and distant relatives were not invited-well...on our part anyway, FMIL may have gotten carried away with excitement who she verbally invited and thus, are now getting invites</strong>)
Posted by moonraffe[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Is your FMIL paying or is she spending your money?

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Simply Fated · March 2013

"Though I am curiousStage, why is a special date a worse reason than saving money in your opinion?" Not speaking for stage, just throwing in my two cents... There are a few reasons the special date reason is not necessarily a better reason for me. In this case, the date is special for your grandparents and you're trying to make it special for yourselves using the same method. It's artificial. The date is already special because it's their anniversary. Whatever date you choose will be JUST as special. You don't need to have the same date as them for it to be special.

moonraffe · March 2013

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;line-height:normal;">[QUOTE]Because the idea of having a wedding on a special date is redundant to me. The wedding date is special because it is YOUR WEDDING. And a gesture like having it on someone's anniversary has no actual life impact on anyone, just momentary warm fuzzy feelings. To me, tactile and real will always outweigh warm fuzzies, so picking a date you KNOW will inconvenience others for a sentimental reason is worse than one where you at least get an actual benefit like saving money.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Makes sense. Though I do like warm fuzzies (for me or on behalf of others), we are saving some money as well (we don't have to have a 100 people minimum that day for the venue, photog is slightly cheaper, etc.) that just wasn't the primary reason for us. But it's good to see other views, it's what makes the world more interesting. Also makes me realize I should consider my audience if we do share the story, some people are more sentimental and some are not.</div><div>
</div><div>And JoanE-To me, it wasn't something to get worked up about regarding the money, I'd rather pay extra and have a happy relationship with her. Once FI told her she needed to not invite anyone else, she apologized profusely for inviting people and didn't invite anyone else. She really was just excited and wanting to share with people I think.</div><div>
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JoanE2012 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:f9789b95-59c9-4dee-b60d-62001e0fd3b0">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Makes sense. Though I do like warm fuzzies (for me or on behalf of others), we are saving some money as well (we don't have to have a 100 people minimum that day for the venue, photog is slightly cheaper, etc.) that just wasn't the primary reason for us. But it's good to see other views, it's what makes the world more interesting. Also makes me realize I should consider my audience if we do share the story, some people are more sentimental and some are not. <strong>And JoanE-To me, it wasn't something to get worked up about regarding the money, I'd rather pay extra and have a happy relationship with her. </strong>Once FI told her she needed to not invite anyone else, she apologized profusely for inviting people and didn't invite anyone else. She really was just excited and wanting to share with people I think.
Posted by moonraffe[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Totally get it.

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STARMOON44 · March 2013

I doubt I'd go. 3 days off work for your wedding is way too much time for me your reason for doing it doesn't change that. I'd assume you didn't really care if your guests could make it if it was a Thursday destination.

moonraffe · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:13930168-9e30-4655-b640-707ba18e0272">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]While Stage is right, any date we would have picked would make our anniversary special, to me its more special sharing it with my grandparents. But that is just my opinion. We all have reasons why we pick the dates we do.
Posted by Ctexasgurl26[/QUOTE]

<div>Right, this was part of it for us picking the date (I was close to my grandpa before he passed away and I took care of my grandma before her death. Plus, it's also my parent's anniversary and since I couldn't/wouldn't wear my mom's dress, she was very happy about us choosing that date). However, I was curious what other people thought and it's always neat to hear other opinions.</div><div>
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NOLAbridealmost · March 2013

We all have reasons for picking the dates we pick, and, no, it's not rude or wrong to get married on a Thursday. But to me, I'd much rather make it convenient for my family and friends to attend than pick a date because of some sentimental reason. It's like in your eagerness to pick a "super special date" you overlook that possibly a more special thing is having your loved ones there to share it with you. Just seems like weird priorities to me. For the record, I would not be able to get three days off work to attend your wedding and would decline.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

Hmm... I think different people have varying definitions of "destination wedding."

To me, a destination wedding isn't one where people travel to on a Friday and go home on a Sunday. I don't care where it is. This is just a regular wedding to me. If this is the case, then a Thursday wedding would cause me to decline.

However, if the wedding is out of the country or somewhere like Hawaii or the Caribbean, then I think Thursday is appropriate. We were invited to a wedding in Bulgaria this June - that is a destination wedding. We're not flying all that way to stay three days so it doesn't matter what day the couple chooses to wed because we're going for at least a week!

lyndausvi · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:668f0d16-95d2-4754-8fb6-0397aec476b3">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm... I think different people have varying definitions of "destination wedding." To me, a destination wedding isn't one where people travel to on a Friday and go home on a Sunday. I don't care where it is. This is just a regular wedding to me. If this is the case, then a Thursday wedding would cause me to decline. However, if the wedding is out of the country or somewhere like Hawaii or the Caribbean, then I think Thursday is appropriate. We were invited to a wedding in Bulgaria this June - that is a destination wedding. We're not flying all that way to stay three days so it doesn't matter what day the couple chooses to wed because we're going for at least a week!
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it's silly to split hairs what is a DW. I do not think you have to go out of the country to have a DW. I feel like a DW is where 100% of the guests and the couple are OOT. </div><div>
</div><div>For example: My wedding was at a beach resort in NJ. It was 1600 miles away from our home in the islands. Now it was a 4-5 hour drive from most guests, but no one actually lived at the location. I feel like my wedding was a DW, but by your definition it's not because you would have only been a few hours away.</div><div>
</div><div>Now by your same definition if we got married in the islands it would be a DW because guests would have to travel. But we were from there, so I to me it would have just been a OOT wedding for my guests. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>On another note you can fly to St Thomas from Philly on Friday and return on Sunday. I actually know lots of people who do that. So by your definition, if someone flies to the Cape from Philly for the weekend and the b/g are NOT from there it's only an OOT wedding. But if the same couple had flown to St Thomas for the weekend for the same couple t's a DW?</div><div>
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AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:691c3331-e79c-4010-803c-a067cfeb9ac1">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thursday Wedding : I think it's silly to split hairs what is a DW. I do not think you have to go out of the country to have a DW. I feel like a DW is where 100% of the guests and the couple are OOT. For example: My wedding was at a beach resort in NJ. It was 1600 miles away from our home in the islands. Now it was a 4-5 hour drive from most guests, but no one actually lived at the location. I feel like my wedding was a DW, but by your definition it's not because you would have only been a few hours away. Now by your same definition if we got married in the islands it would be a DW because guests would have to travel. But we were from there, so I to me it would have just been a OOT wedding for my guests. On another note you can fly to St Thomas from Philly on Friday and return on Sunday. I actually know lots of people who do that. So by your definition, if someone flies to the Cape from Philly for the weekend and the b/g are NOT from there it's only an OOT wedding. But if the same couple had flown to St Thomas for the weekend for the same couple t's a DW?
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I know it's a weird hang up of mine. But, I still think that a wedding in Detroit is a very different wedding than one in St. Thomas. One is when people are "likely" to come in for a weekend and one is when people are "likely" to travel for longer. I don't mean "likely" as in every single person, just a general mindset. Because of that, I'd respond to a Thursday wedding differently in Detroit vs. St. Thomas.

Regardless if you agree with me, I think people read "destination wedding" and have different ideas in their head about what it means, which leads to a lot of varied responses, some of which are not addressing the point. I feel like that happened in this thread - that's all.

lyndausvi · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:309f7a97-1ad1-4aa8-bbec-492c2f0b392a">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thursday Wedding : Yeah, I know it's a weird hang up of mine. But, I still think that a wedding in Detroit is a very different wedding than one in St. Thomas. One is when people are "likely" to come in for a weekend and one is when people are "likely" to travel for longer. I don't mean "likely" as in every single person, just a general mindset. Because of that, I'd respond to a Thursday wedding differently in Detroit vs. St. Thomas. Regardless if you agree with me, I think people read "destination wedding" and have different ideas in their head about what it means, which leads to a lot of varied responses, some of which are not addressing the point. I feel like that happened in this thread - that's all.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You and I are VERY well travelled compared to a lot of people in the states. There are some people who haven't left their own state. So bascially anything outside of their little world is indeed a destination.</div>

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:262eb330-2362-4576-a4a6-fca79d21cee7">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thursday Wedding : You and I are VERY well travelled compared to a lot of people in the states. These are some people who haven't left their own state. So bascially anything outside of their little world is indeed a destination.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This is true! And my background is of course coloring my view of the situation. But, since we all interpret "destination wedding" in our own way, it leads to confusion. I think instead of using such a blanket term, the situation could be explained by OPs in a bit more detail so we're all comparing apples to apples. That was really my only point. My answer would change depending on the details.

Somerrae · April 2013

My wedding is on a Thursday, and explaining our choice of date to anyone never even crossed my mind--just like I wouldn't explain our choice or venue or colors or music or food or anything else. If someone asks or if it comes up, share the sweet story of course, but you shouldn't feel the need to justify your choice to anyone.

If someone looks at coming to your wedding as an inconvenience, then you shouldn't want them there anyway.

rel1988 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:68fbb0f5-c61b-47de-89b9-3ddc3561988d">Re: Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would normally say it's a bad idea, but since it's a destination wedding, i don't think the actual day of the week matters. People will be taking time off from work anyway, so I think yoiu're good!
Posted by aRachel21[/QUOTE]

Took the words right out of my mouth!

OwningAHome1981 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2da40a67-3180-4ce0-a2e5-76d43bf6f031Post:2971b13e-05e3-4439-8963-4499d3c22654">Thursday Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]So my FI and I are getting married on a Thursday. However, it's not just because we were like "Thursday! Money saving!" or anything (so far the money "breaks" we've received have been very minimal). These are the reasons: -He proposed with his "family ring" which had been used by his grandfather and father to propose to their future wives. -My grandparents and parents were married on the date we have, which falls on a Thursday this year. -We're doing a destination wedding, so we figured plenty of people wouldn't be able to come regardless of the day. We thought that with the traditions of the generations we've incorporated into our engagement/wedding it wouldn't be too side-eyed by people. Definitely we understand that people might not come because of the day, the travel, expenses, time off, and a million other reasons that are legit. We had checked the date with our VIPs (mainly our immediate families and our wedding party) and all were cool with it except one who, realistically, won't be able to make it no matter when or where we get married. We also explained our reasons of wanting to continue a tradition (all the above mentioned marriages lasted and, as far as we both know, were quite happy ones), but it's not like we've called every invitee and shared it. So my question: Would you side-eye a Thursday wedding invite? We're not going to change our date, I'm just curious. Would you side-eye it less if you knew the part about my grandparents/parents? And if you're interested, it's in the evening on Thursday with a full dinner, open bar, no gap, etc.
Posted by moonraffe[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't side-eye it but i most likely would not attend.

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