Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Vow Renewal Traditions

Couldn't find a vow renewal board so I thought I'd try here! Remove it if it doesn't belong here!

So, we are seriously planning on renewing our vows. Not just one of those maybe one day gonna happen things, we are for real. We've been through some pretty rough stuff recently and we want to do a recommitment sort of thing with friends and family. Very intimate. Very small. Just people who want to show support while we start a new phase.

We want to almost re-create our wedding ceremony, but leave some things out and add some things. We're not gonna do bridesmaids and rings and all that, (and we aren't into unity candles or sand vase things, etc etc) but we want to read our vows that we wrote to each other at our wedding, and then read some new ones we plan to write as a way of saying, "this is what we said we'd do, and we did that. Here is where we plan to go from here..." sort of thing. Like I said, a recommitment. We also want to have the same poems and scriptures from our wedding read again. I was thinking of having my original bridesmaids do that since we want to honor them but not make them have to go through the stress of being maids again lol!! We also want to find a way to honor the groomsmen but we haven't thought of a way to do that.

Other than that, I don't know what else to leave out. We want to have a casual dinner party style reception with dancing, but I don't want it to be too wedding-y. I hated planning my wedding so I don't want to get crazy. I was planning to maybe have some games like darts or pool for people to do during the cocktail hour if they want, and then have dinner and dancing at the same time, no seating arrangements or formal chain of events (no speeches and etc). Just nibble at your plate until a song you like comes on and dance for a bit, then nibble a bit more. Maybe have a photobooth with silly props.

We want to have a cake, but we don't want to do a cake cutting situation. Someone suggested that we have the same flavor cake we had for our wedding (which was delicious) but I'm not sure.

Someone else suggested doing the same color scheme. I am iffy on that too. My scheme was green and white but I am leaning more towards a lavender and peach theme... although some minty green could easily be incorporated with that. But again I don't want to get too crazy.

Should I leave out a bouquet since we won't be doing bridesmaids and groomsmen? Is that too wedding-y? What if it was just a small herb bouquet?

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make a clear distinction between the wedding and vow renewal?

Have you been to any vow renewals/recommitment ceremonies? Have you had one yourself? What traditions do you think would be important and what would you leave out?

One more question! Would wearing white/ivory/champagne/etc be a no-no in your book? I am torn between wearing a vintage style tea length white gown (like Audrey Hepburn's in Funny Face when she was modeling the wedding dress)  or a long flowy goddess style dress in a pale color, like peach or maybe lavender. I don't want to go too over the top though since its not a wedding, and I don't want people laughing behind my back.
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Re: Vow Renewal Traditions

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_vow-renewal-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c76fa799-8a9b-4287-a82e-34cf6e3c198bPost:5e4e40be-c4a4-4465-893e-0460b594e674">Vow Renewal Traditions</a>:
    [QUOTE] . We're not gonna do bridesmaids and rings and all that, (and we aren't into unity candles or sand vase things, etc etc) but we want to read our vows that we wrote to each other at our wedding, and then read some new ones we plan to write as a way of saying, "this is what we said we'd do, and we did that. Here is where we plan to go from here..." sort of thing. Like I said, a recommitment.
    <strong>That would be very beautiful</strong>

    We also want to have the same poems and scriptures from our wedding read again.
    <strong>
    That would be nice too!

    </strong> I was thinking of having my original bridesmaids do that since we want to honor them but not make them have to go through the stress of being maids again lol!! We also want to find a way to honor the groomsmen but we haven't thought of a way to do that.

    <strong>I would just invite them, no need to make them stand out - this is about you as a couple recommitting to eachother, not necessarily needing support from the community.</strong>

    Other than that, I don't know what else to leave out. We want to have a casual dinner party style reception with dancing, but I don't want it to be too wedding-y. I hated planning my wedding so I don't want to get crazy. I was planning to maybe have some games like darts or pool for people to do during the cocktail hour if they want, and then have dinner and dancing at the same time, no seating arrangements or formal chain of events (no speeches and etc). Just nibble at your plate until a song you like comes on and dance for a bit, then nibble a bit more.

    <strong>So a cocktail type reception? See if you can have it at someone's house or at a local social club and have it catered. </strong>

    Maybe have a photobooth with silly props.

    <strong>I wouldn't do a vendor photobooth - it's a little over the top</strong>. <strong>Can you do a DIY one with an iPad?</strong>


    We want to have a cake, but we don't want to do a cake cutting situation. Someone suggested that we have the same flavor cake we had for our wedding (which was delicious) but I'm not sure.

    <strong>Have a cake! Cut it as a couple. It's not biggie. Just don't have a lavish wedding cake type cake. A simpler two-layer will suffice. </strong>

    Someone else suggested doing the same color scheme. I am iffy on that too. My scheme was green and white but I am leaning more towards a lavender and peach theme... although some minty green could easily be incorporated with that. But again I don't want to get too crazy.

    <strong>Would color scheme reference invites and party decor? Like the color of center pieces/ floral arrangements and napkins? Don't go crazy. </strong>

     Should I leave out a bouquet since we won't be doing bridesmaids and groomsmen? Is that too wedding-y? What if it was just a small herb bouquet?

    <strong>I think a small nosegay would be alright. </strong>

    Does anyone have any ideas on how to make a clear distinction between the wedding and vow renewal?

    <strong>No fluffy white dress, no "Bride" and "Groom", no wedding party members, no pre-parties, no wedding cake, no tosses of any kind, no parent dances. </strong>

    Have you been to any vow renewals/recommitment ceremonies? Have you had one yourself? What traditions do you think would be important and what would you leave out?

     One more question! Would wearing white/ivory/champagne/etc be a no-no in your book? I am torn between wearing a vintage style tea length white gown (like Audrey Hepburn's in Funny Face when she was modeling the wedding dress)  or a long flowy goddess style dress in a pale color, like peach or maybe lavender. I don't want to go too over the top though since its not a wedding, and I don't want people laughing behind my back.

    <strong>If you're doing white, I'd stick to a simpler dress, that one's kinda to pouffy. Don't go for a prom/wedding dress. Go for either a simpler evening gown or cocktail dress. Because you'll only be around the 5 year mark rather than the 25 year mark, it may seem like you're trying to re-do your wedding. Keep it low-key, more like a nice birthday party than a wedding, and it won't be side-eyed as much. </strong>
    Posted by beautiflaw[/QUOTE]
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  • The only vow renewal ceremony I went to was my grandparents.  It was for their 50th, and it was so sweet. It was in our backyard, and was simple, but very nice.  They had a priest come who is a good family friend (married my parents and my aunt/uncle, baptized my siblings and I, etc).  It was just a quick reaffirmation of vows.  My memere and pepere wore nice clothes and had bouts, and we took a lot of pictures with the family.  Only people attending were family, and down their line (so just their children, grandparents, great grands.  None of their remaining siblings or extended family came).  Afterwards, we went out to eat at a nice restaurant.  It was beautiful.  Very, very simple though, yet it was very touching.

    Good luck to you!

  • edited April 2013
    The two first websites that were linked are excellent. I just wanted to say that you are approaching this in a very classy an awesome way. Low key and non wedding is the way to go. Vow renewals are their own event and deserve distinction from a wedding. Yoi can wear a light colored dress, just skip the ballgown look.
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  • My H and I are planning the same thing for next year. The style of the affair will be reflecting our personalities and will be classic, like the wedding, only minus the obvious wedding-y frills. We're going to skip formal invitations, I like the idea of using hand written letters in lieu of them. As far as attire I'm still undecided, one option would be to revisit my dress (which isn't a ball gown), maybe by shortening the impossibly long train or changing up the bodice; another one would be to purchase something new in a light hue. I stil haven't figured out whether wearing my original dress as a touch of continuity from the wedding is something to go for or not. I think you're succeeding at making a clear distinction between the wedding and the vow renewal, especially with the way you're planning the ceremony and vows. We're going to have our witness/best man perform the ceremony and re-read the same poem he read at the wedding. I don't come across other vow renewing members too often on here. Feel free to PM me if you ever feel like talking ideas. Happy planning.
  • My H and I renewed our vows last month for our 25th anniversary and I would be happy to be a sounding board for your ideas, feel free to PM me.

    We had our party at a hotel ballroom with 65 guests (we booked their "wedding" package).  We did a cocktail hour with apps as guests arrived.  The room was already set up for dinner, so guests took their seats for the "ceremony".  We had the DJ officiate (seems weird, but really worked fine).  I provided him with a script (poem and then just a little about our relationship) then we just said a few words to one another (basically said "I still do!").  "Ceremony" took about 10 mins.

    We had a sit-down dinner, open bar and dancing.  We had a lovely cake that we simply had the staff cut and serve as dessert.  H and I danced together.  Then we danced with our children to open the dance floor. 

    I had difficulty deciding what to wear as well.  I married my H at JOP in jeans and I always wished I had worn a white gown.  My H and kids were adamant that I wear white (cause they heard me mention it over the years).   I also had found a beautiful silver evening gown that I thought would be perfect.  Ultimately I did wear a white evening gown (sort of a destination bridal gown) but changed into a pants suit midway through for comfort :)

    I hired a photography to take some family photos before the party (since we are NEVER all together AND dressed up).  She also took some photos of the guest during cocktail hour and some of our "ceremony" then she left.

    I think if you just don't try to recreate a wedding and properly host your guests with a  great party, you'll be fine.  Everyone that came to our party said they had a blast and were still talking about it weeks later.  Someone asked me to renew my vows next year too (I told her it's someone else's turn)  I think it is wonderful to celebrate your commitment to one another and most people I know are happy to attend a great party!  Gifts should not be expected.
     
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  • I am renewing my vows with my husband this year.  We will be married 24 years.  I planned a suprise 1920's theme party.  My husband thinks that we are renewing our vows then going to dinner.  I have not recreated my original wedding,  I chose a dress a that fits my theme.  I have alot of fun things planned.  My son and his friends plan to dress up as cops and are going to raid the speakeasy to arrest my husband. I am doing cupcakes instead of a cake.  I have put no present request on the invite.  I don't want people to bring gifts just enjoy the fun.  I have been reading alot and there seems to be no rules for Vow Renewal.

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