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Intimate wedding- large reception??

NROBBINS13NROBBINS13 member
First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
My fiance and I (mostly me) have been stressing out over what we want for our wedding day. We are leaning towards an intimate cermony (my parents and siblings, his parents and the person who will be marrying us) so 9 people including myself and my fiance. We want to have the ceremony in the morning and then have a large cookout reception in the afternoon/evening. Is this rude?? I know having a ceremony with 50 of your "closest friends and family" and then 150 invited to the reception is rude. I'm concerned that our friends and extended family will be offended. I also do not want people to think that we are just fishing for gifts. Is it appropriate to request no gifts in the invitation? I saw somewhere that a couple included "Your presence is the only kind of present we need" which seemed more acceptable. Any thoughts/ideas?? .
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Re: Intimate wedding- large reception??

  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Intimate wedding- large reception??:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I (mostly me) have been stressing out over what we want for our wedding day. We are leaning towards an intimate cermony (my parents and siblings, his parents and the person who will be marrying us) so 9 people including myself and my fiance. We want to have the ceremony in the morning and then have a large cookout reception in the afternoon/evening. Is this rude?? I know having a ceremony with 50 of your "closest friends and family" and then 150 invited to the reception is rude. I'm concerned that our friends and extended family will be offended. I also do not want people to think that we are just fishing for gifts. Is it appropriate to request no gifts in the invitation? I saw somewhere that a couple included "Your presence is the only kind of present we need" which seemed more acceptable. Any thoughts/ideas?? .
    Posted by NROBBINS13[/QUOTE]


    A truly private ceremony and larger party to celebrate is acceptable.  So, I think you are fine there.  There will be some family or friends that will be upset, hurt or offended that they didn't get to witness your ceremony.  You just have to be prepared for that.

    As for the no gift thing. no. Don't mention gifts at all. Just don't register anywhere.  If people ask, you can spread by word of mouth that you don't need anything and are just hoping to see them at your celebration. 

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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  • JennaMichelle88JennaMichelle88 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Having a private ceremony with a larger reception is fine, as long as it's just close family, which it sounds like you are doing. Your friends and extended family might be disappointed that they can't be there, but it's ok etiquette-wise. It's rude to mention gifts at all, even if you are saying you don't want them. Just don't register anywhere. If people ask tell them you don't need anything and just want to celebrate with them.
    image
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  • JennaMichelle88JennaMichelle88 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Don't think I could have been more similar to cmgilpin if I'd tried...
    image
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  • springjwspringjw member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2013
    I am curious about this as well. I am thinking of doing a similar thing, but getting hitched in Vegas, so only our closest inner circle will probably fly out there for that. It probably won't be for a year so we will have time to plan it. I just want to share a celebration with more people later, but I want the actual ceremony to be more of a private affair, because my family is pretty conservative, and my friends are more liberal, so I don't want a scene to ruin my wedding day. I actually haven't decided entirely, it will depend on how many or how few people end up wanting to fly out to Vegas. It probably won't be very many at all, and we will want to share it with more people than that later on for the reception celebration. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    So what's the difference between the other?  I have seen it plenty of times being said how rude it was to limit those for the ceremony to have everyone else come to the reception.  The reception is suppose to be a thank you to the guest who came to see you get married.  So just wondering what makes this any different? (not to argue just simply asking). As far as gifts as mentioned above just don't mention it, if someone asks say you don't need anything but expect some to still bring gifts either way.
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: Intimate wedding- large reception??:
    [QUOTE]So what's the difference between the other?  I have seen it plenty of times being said how rude it was to limit those for the ceremony to have everyone else come to the reception.  The reception is suppose to be a thank you to the guest who came to see you get married.  So just wondering what makes this any different? (not to argue just simply asking). As far as gifts as mentioned above just don't mention it, if someone asks say you don't need anything but expect some to still bring gifts either way.
    Posted by mdtaylor1981[/QUOTE]

    You just have to be VERY careful about it being "truly private".  Like, immediate family only (10 people, or so).

    If you hold the private ceremony and then the "reception" or larger party on a different day, you should still be hosting the guests who attend the ceremony immediately after the ceremony.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Intimate wedding- large reception??:
    [QUOTE]So what's the difference between the other?  I have seen it plenty of times being said how rude it was to limit those for the ceremony to have everyone else come to the reception.  The reception is suppose to be a thank you to the guest who came to see you get married.  So just wondering what makes this any different? (not to argue just simply asking)
    Posted by mdtaylor1981[/QUOTE]

    It's a ranking thing.  Most people understand when only parents and siblings were invited, but when you broaden the ceremony to grandparents, cousins, or a few close friends, you leave the 2/3 that weren't invited feeling like they are second class guests.  

    Even still, although this is fine according to etiquette, there is still the potential to hurt feelings.  Some friends and family will be disappointed or even hurt to be excluded from the ceremony.  That's something you have to be prepared to deal with when you go this route.  
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  • NROBBINS13NROBBINS13 member
    First Comment
    Thank you for your input everyone!!! My fiance and I have discussed it quite a bit, I was very overwhelmed and things have calmed down now. We are planning on inviting all of our guests to the ceremony and the reception. Thanks again!
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