Vent about SIL..

stephsky419 · April 2013

This is the place I can vent, right? Because my FI and I have been together since 2009, got engaged Christmas 2011, and having the wedding May 16th, 2014... We have a 2-year-old son and have been saving up for this emotionally and monetarily for a while (obviously!)

His sister had offered to help plan the wedding, which was very generous, and I accepted. Because, of this, she knew the details that I wanted, such as my pretty unique color scheme, centerpieces, etc.

Well, his sister met someone while she was dating another guy in December, got engaged to him a month later, and their wedding is in the fall this year. She said she couldn't plan my wedding anymore because she'll be so into her own (understandable to a point).

Then, it gets hard to explain because you can't type her tone of voice as she talks to me about her own wedding. She keeps saying things like "well when I'm done with my wedding you can just use my chair sashes, I KNOW how short on money you are," but it isn't geniune, it's like a high-and-mighty tone, like she's doing me a favor. And she is using my colors (not suitable for fall anyway IMO) and my centerpiece idea and other things. And I know I'm being possessive but SERIOUSLY I've been planning this for over a year!

Maybe I'm being crazy, but I feel like she's driving me crazy with this guy that she's known for less than 5 months!

rel1988 · April 2013

Her tone and comments about you not having as big of a budget and need her hand-me-downs sound downright rude and unnessesary. That would tick me off.

As far as everything else goes, it is your wedding and your responsibility. It is crappy she's backing out of planning now, but considering she is stealing your ideas I think it's best you just keep them to yourself at this point. Considering the bragging attitude and rush into marriage maybe she's dealing with some jealousy of your upcoming marriage and self-esteem issues.

Pookieson · April 2013

She would upset me too. That being said, just because she's only known the guy 5 months doesn't make her marriage any less relevant. I think she could have picked a nicer way to offer chair sashes and centerpeices than being a complete hotch...but whatever. I'd keep the details of your wedding to yourself from now on.

s-aries8990 · April 2013

This is the place to vent, but realize that most color schemes and ideas HAVE been done before. Hopefully the 6 month time difference will be helpful in rejuvinating your spirit!

And ditto keeping everything to yourself from now on.

Just breathe, go for a run, and be happy for FSIL, as tough as it may be (or at lease pretend to be happy for her!)

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

Yeah, I would be less than thrilled with her too.

BUT, here's the fun part. She's trying very very hard to make her wedding seem better than yours. That means she really respects your ideas, and is secretly worried that you will have a better wedding than hers.

Your vengence here is to have an awesome wedding and ignore her trifling butt.

stephsky419 · April 2013

Yeah you guys are right, I have to swallow everything and just realize it's best to keep the rest of my wedding details to myself. Gotta keep my head up!

B2Z728 · April 2013

There are smart ladies here. They've given you great advice and it's good to hear that you're willing to listen to it. I second and third all that has been said to stay positive, smile, and try to keep wedding talk to a minimum with with your FSIL. Fortunately there will be a considerable amount of time between your wedding and hers. As much as you plan and think about your centerpieces and color scheme, most people won't remember the finer details like that. They will remember hers as being lovely, and think yours are lovely too. If they are the same, most people really won't remember.

kaos16 · April 2013

Similar but different. I had a friend since birth who got engaged right around the same time as me. She said she was getting married in May, I chose September of the same year. . . immediately she changed hers to the Friday after mine. Come to find out, she chose the same color scheme as me, had a friend sing her first dance song like me, etc. There were a lot of remarkable similarities between the weddings. I just got my hair cut really short, she then did the same. Seeing a trend? Some people just want to compete by nature. Perhaps it stems from jealousy or insecurity, who knows.

All I know is that at the end of the day, even if her wedding has every single element identical to yours, what is important is that you get to marry your husband!!! Try to keep that in perspective. If nothing else, she will eventually make herself look foolish with her antics.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to Re:Vent about SIL..:[QUOTE]There are smart ladies here. They've given you great advice and it's good to hear that you're willing to listen to it. I second and third all that has been said to stay positive, smile, and try to keep wedding talk to a minimum with with your FSIL. Fortunately there will be a considerable amount of time between your wedding and hers. As much as you plan and think about your centerpieces and color scheme, most people won't remember the finer details like that. They will remember hers as being lovely, and think yours are lovely too. If they are the same, most people really won't remember.nbsp; Posted by B2Z728[/
QUOTE]

That's the truth. Nobody remembers decorations. I'll tell you what they DO remember: being hosted well. Feed your guests good food and give them an open bar, and they'll rave about your wedding for years. No joke, people love partying for free.

Ella and Pedro · April 2013

I guess I would want to know what your colors and other design elements were. I see a lot of 'unique' but really pretty much the same ideas when I review wedding stuff.

I mean...is your theme "winery" and everything is chartreuse and purple-burgundy? Maybe she just loves purple too?

(I am not disagreeing with you at all, I am just saying try to see how some of what seems to be about you might just be more about how she less confidence in design and less personal style and is more about trends or ....even unconsciously....using your ideas because she is less creative.)

I just mention this because in a way, it's true what that old adage says, people who copy you are complimenting you.

stephsky419 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-about-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3536b7f9-e046-4f12-b7dc-f23772b5e6d1Post:e0d5c0f3-ded4-4325-af24-1278139cc032">Re: Vent about SIL..</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I would want to know what your colors and other design elements were.
Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]

<div>We're using a royal blue, powder blue, and pale pale yellow, going for a bouncy/lively theme. Using Beta fish in the centerpieces... We had the colors custom mixed to get the right shades. And she shows me her swatches, and lo and behold, they are from the same place and the same colors... Pretty blue fish... You get the idea.</div><div>
</div><div>I guess what worried me is that even though she has a shorter time to work with, she has a WAY bigger budget than we do. I'm talking like, 3-4 times bigger. If she wants, she can take a lot of the ideas and do them 3 times better than what I can just because she has the money to do so (well her FH's family does). It's intimidating!</div><div>
</div><div>BUT I know that shouldn't matter and that my wedding will be lovely, too, and the guests won't compare weddings. So it's all in my head <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /></div>

Ella and Pedro · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-about-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3536b7f9-e046-4f12-b7dc-f23772b5e6d1Post:6077623b-f108-4056-8c46-6e35be2c365e">Re: Vent about SIL..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about SIL.. : We're using a royal blue, powder blue, and pale pale yellow, going for a bouncy/lively theme. Using Beta fish in the centerpieces... We had the colors custom mixed to get the right shades. And she shows me her swatches, and lo and behold, they are from the same place and the same colors... Pretty blue fish... You get the idea. I guess what worried me is that even though she has a shorter time to work with, she has a WAY bigger budget than we do. I'm talking like, 3-4 times bigger. If she wants, she can take a lot of the ideas and do them 3 times better than what I can just because she has the money to do so (well her FH's family does). It's intimidating! BUT I know that shouldn't matter and that my wedding will be lovely, too, and the guests won't compare weddings. So it's all in my head
Posted by stephsky419[/QUOTE]

A few things. First, thank you for clarifying.

a. Our wedding colors are almost identical to yours. Dark midnight blue, wisteria blue-grey, gold metallic, pale sandy yellow, silver metallic, bright cobalt blue. Our theme is "From the Garden to the Shore," as we had our first date at the beach and both love the ocean, and are being married in Baltimore's Inner Harbor, but in a garden. And, this garden has a fish pond, with about 25 koi fish. We're not using fish on our tables, but we are merging the idea of shore/water and pond/garden in our centerpieces, by using waterlilies floating in glass bowls (for the low centerpieces.)

b. what are you doing with all the fish who survive your reception? I hope you have plans. I have read that when people do this, by the end of the night, about half the fish are dead. Have you considered how dead, floating fish will look?

c. Budget does not make a great wedding, and certainly does not make a great relationship or marriage. Her husband or his family having money does not mean their wedding will be 'better', just possibly more elaborate and fancier. The best wedding I ever attended was thrown by my highschool bf Lisa. Lisa's mom made the cake, and decorated it with flowers from her garden. Lisa's bouquet was wildflowers and garden flowers she picked herself. The music was friends playing contra dance music. The BM (Lisa's sisters) just wore assorted purple sundresses. Lisa and all her BM were barefoot. The ceremony was on a hillside apple orchard at sunset. I think she and her fiance (and their families?) spent perhaps $2,000 including the food. Food was bbq/soul food/vegan/vegetarian pot luck.

stephsky419 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-about-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3536b7f9-e046-4f12-b7dc-f23772b5e6d1Post:8cb5a8cf-a5d7-410a-b4bf-1faa66ad6680">Re: Vent about SIL..</a>:
[QUOTE] a. Our wedding colors are almost identical to yours. Dark midnight blue, wisteria blue-grey, gold metallic, pale sandy yellow, silver metallic, bright cobalt blue. Our theme is "From the Garden to the Shore," as we had our first date at the beach and both love the ocean, and are being married in Baltimore's Inner Harbor, but in a garden. And, this garden has a fish pond, with about 25 koi fish. We're not using fish on our tables, but we are merging the idea of shore/water and pond/garden in our centerpieces, by using waterlilies floating in glass bowls (for the low centerpieces.) [/quote]<div>
</div><div>That sounds lovely! What a cute idea with the lily pads.</div><div>
</div><div>[quote] b. what are you doing with all the fish who survive your reception? I hope you have plans. I have read that when people do this, by the end of the night, about half the fish are dead. Have you considered how dead, floating fish will look? [/quote]</div><div>
</div><div>Yes, we plan on buying them a couple days before to weed out the bad ones, and if they die we will have more. we were going to give them to kids as favors if their parents allow it (if not we have other things) and the leftover fish will be ours (in separate containers!)</div><div>
</div><div>[quote] c. Budget does not make a great wedding, and certainly does not make a great relationship or marriage. Her husband or his family having money does not mean their wedding will be 'better', just possibly more elaborate and fancier.</div><div>Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]

</div><div>I know what you mean, I know I know <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Foot in mouth" title="Foot in mouth" /> Money doesn't make the marriage! I'm just gonna not talk to her about it anymore like everyone said, and it should roll right off me from now on.</div>

Ajuliana · May 2013

Shannon, hate to burst your bubble, but I don't think OP was merely judging her FSIL for the five months together thing...obviously this woman has zero respect for herself or her partners if she left one man for another, and after a MONTH decided to get engaged. She doesn't take any of this seriously. I don't care who you are, if you are a cheater, you need some time alone before you get into your next relationship to evaluate why you were so innappropriate previously. And 99.9% of the world doesn't take your new relationship seriously when you get engaged after a month, a month in which you weren't even exclusive.

Vent about SIL..

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