FI finally helping out

Briannasteve · April 2013

So since starting two new jobs, I have been really stressed out, working 7 days a week and trying to make time for the wedding. Finally, after a nice arguement, the FI has stepped up and on his day off is checking off a bunch of my to do list....

getting our baptismal records to the chruch
measuring the Aisle so I can get the right size Aisle runner, and make sure our decorations will fit
booking our honeymoon
picking up a bunch of stuff I need at michaels.

Hopefully after he sees how long the to do list is, he will start helping out a bit more.

Stina51286 · April 2013

Thats good that he's helping out!

FI hasn't done much yet.

SewInLoveWithDMB · April 2013

Be careful - this may backfire. It's nice that he is getting involved, but giving him a ton of gruntwork may not be the best way to do it.

For example, an aisle runner isn't necessary. Putting this in is an additional cost, and extra work. Most of the time when I have seen them, they slip or bunch as people walk down the aisle. And, you might want his help in other ways. You might not want to cash in your chips on this.

I actually enjoy picking out the craft stuff myself - are you sure this is something he can do? Not that I'm knocking his ability to craft, but sometimes what I think I need is very different from what I get after seeing all of the options.

See if there are other tasks that he can do that might be more "his speed" - and I'm just thinking of the types of tasks my FI is excited about. Like, choosing music, helping with cake flavor options, choosing the menu, table numbers (we are thinking of something with wood/rustic, and he can carve wood well and is handy with that sort of thing), planning the ceremony/meeting with the pastor, helping his mother plan rehearsal dinner menu, choosing cigars, etc.

Programs, invitations, flowers (although he will come to the meeting for centerpieces), crafts, favors, and anything super detail oriented is not something he would thrive with, and I wouldn't want to drive him nuts.

I guess my point is that it is nice that he is helping (it is his wedding after all!) but try not to sound like you are demanding he do grunt work, ya know? If he wants to help, awesome. If not, most of these things are bride-oriented and then decide if you want them or not. Forcing him "so he can see how it is" just might not work welll.

Briannasteve · April 2013

In Response to Re: FI finally helping out:
[QUOTE]Thats good that he's helping out! FI hasn't done much yet.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

It came down to me coming home last night after working 13 hours, and he had only worked 3 hours, Hes a pilot so he has odd schedules, and him telling me that on his day off he was going to test drive a ford escape for sh*ts and giggles on his day off for me to completely flip out. he couldnt understand why i would be mad that he would go text drive a vehicle we cant afford, and have no interest in buying for fun. I then, not calmly, told him I bust my a** working 7 days a week to pay for this wedding and try and put a down payment on a home, I have no idea when im going to be able to get to this wedding list that is 3 pages long, and your test driving a car for no reason on your day off.... he eventually saw the lack of effort on his part and i created a long list of things for him to do so that he has ZERO TIME to test drive that stupid car.

Yea I was mad last night lol

Briannasteve · April 2013

In Response to Re: FI finally helping out:
[QUOTE]Be careful -, an aisle runner isn't necessary. Putting this in is an additional cost, and extra work. Most of the time when I have seen them, they slip or bunch as people walk down the aisle. And, you might want his help in other ways. You might not want to cash in your chips on this. ....... I guess my point is that it is nice that he is helping (it is his wedding after all!) but try not to sound like you are demanding he do grunt work, ya know? If he wants to help, awesome. If not, most of these things are bride-oriented and then decide if you want them or not. Forcing him "so he can see how it is" just might not work welll.
Posted by SewInLoveWithDMB[/QUOTE]

Hes just measuring for the aisle runner, I actually gave him everything I dont need to be there for. Hes of course helping with the menu and things of that nature but he would never want to help put together the invites, my MOH is going to help with that.

The only other thing we will really help me with is making our favors, we are cutting put birch trees to make candle holders with our initials on it.

Stina51286 · April 2013

In Response to Re: FI finally helping out:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI finally helping out : It came down to me coming home last night after working 13 hours, and he had only worked 3 hours, Hes a pilot so he has odd schedules, and him telling me that on his day off he was going to test drive a ford escape for sh*ts and giggles on his day off for me to completely flip out. he couldnt understand why i would be mad that he would go text drive a vehicle we cant afford, and have no interest in buying for fun. I then, not calmly, told him I bust my a** working 7 days a week to pay for this wedding and try and put a down payment on a home, I have no idea when im going to be able to get to this wedding list that is 3 pages long, and your test driving a car for no reason on your day off.... he eventually saw the lack of effort on his part and i created a long list of things for him to do so that he has ZERO TIME to test drive that stupid car. Yea I was mad last night lol
Posted by Briannasteve[/QUOTE]

FI does this all the time. We just bought a brand new car in December and I know he wants a truck, but we agreed to wait on that until after the wedding. Now he thinks he wants an older mustang, for sh!ts and giggles. So he does that when he gets done working. I kindly remind him of the insurance we will have to pay and the fact that it is rediculous as it is with just two vehicles and a trailer.

Briannasteve · April 2013

In Response to Re: FI finally helping out:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI finally helping out : FI does this all the time. We just bought a brand new car in December and I know he wants a truck, but we agreed to wait on that until after the wedding. Now he thinks he wants an older mustang, for sh!ts and giggles. So he does that when he gets done working. I kindly remind him of the insurance we will have to pay and the fact that it is rediculous as it is with just two vehicles and a trailer.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

Yea.. FI has a mustang, we need an SUV because we have two dogs and want to start having kids in a few years and we both have cars.. but I dont want to get a new car until after we have a house and are done with wedding expenses..... why in the world would we purchase a vehicle when we both have cars with no payments and they are running perfectly fine?! Theres no need to create more expenses if we dont need to.

hardlyhannah · April 2013

FI has 3 cars. It doesn't thrill me.

Brianna I can relate though - I had a moment like that last night, kind of. We are buying a house and planning a wedding, and I have been doing ALL of the house stuff, and pretty much all of the wedding stuff (that has slowed down a bit). I am the one that talks to the realtor, gets everything scheduled, etc. etc.

Well, we got an accepted offer and needed some paperwork for the mortgage process. It was a letter that he had to add account numbers to and have his father sign. He whined about it for an hour because he felt that he should have to have the letter. That was when I had enough. It took him literally two seconds, and I handle everything else. I don't want to hear your b!tching!

FI finally helping out

Re: FI finally helping out

Choose Another Board

Search Boards