Toddler Flower Girl? What To Expect?

beautiflaw · April 2013

So my sister in law just got engaged (Yay! I love her and her fiance is great.) and she asked if my daughter could be in her wedding as a flower girl. I told her yes, but then later it occured to me that my daughter will be 2 at the time of the wedding! Is this too young to really do flower girl things? My flower girl was 6 and she did okay, she scattered the petals and walked down by herself just fine, but on the way back out she picked the petals back up! lol! It was sweet and hat was fine, but then during pictures she and the ring bearer didn't want to be still so we barely got any pictures of us all together.

I am afraid that maybe DD won't want to scatter the petals or be in a bad mood or not want to walk down the aisle. Would it be better if me or DH or another bridesmaid led her down the aisle to help her? What can I do to help make picture time a bit easier? Should I help her practice with some petals and a basket leading up to the wedding?

AddieCake · April 2013

I'm in the camp that feels anyone under 3 (and for me, they need to be at least half way to 4) is too young to be in a wedding ceremony. I feel that if they don't know what's going on, they are too young. It's probably better if someone goes with her, but I am not a fan of that, either.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

I agree with Addie, but if you do decide to keep her in as a flower girl I would probably suggest to your sister that she carry a pomander ball instead of a basket with petals. That way scattering petals are taken off the plate of things to try and get her to do. I would also suggest that you or your husband be prepared to help lead her down the aisle either by holding her hand or holding her in your arms.

As for pictures, she really won't be in that many. Or at least try to not have her be in many. See if your sister would try and get the pictures with your daughter over with first so that she doesn't get bored or distracted.

Kate61487 · April 2013

As a bride your SIL needs to be prepared for anything with a FG. Honestly even a 6yo can be having a bad day and throw a tantrum and not want to play along. And that's okay, she's a kid. I would talk it up to her - you can try to have her practice a little but make it exciting and a game rather than 'you better behave', KWIM? And if the morning of arrives and she doesn't want to put on the dress or dissolves into a puddle of tears right before she's supposed to go down the aisle don't make her. Hopefully your SIL is on the same page and realizes that she might not walk, or she might sit down halfway up the aisle. If you think she has unrealistic expectations and will be mean if it doesn't go right I'd consider pulling the plug. Otherwise just let your daughter do her thing.

calliopeia2013 · April 2013

Yeah, couple thoughts along the lines of what folks have already said:

I'm in the camp that if a child is too young to verbally explain back to you what their role is, what they have to do, and a general sense of why it's important, they're too young to be a wedding. Most toddlers are not capable of doing this- you're not going to be able to get a two-year old to scatter flowers; you'll be lucky if you can get a two year old to walk down the aisle without throwing a tantrum. (Have you ever seen, for instance, a preschool-age ballet recital? Even with a dance they've been practicing for weeks or months, at least one kid usually wanders away, and a bunch are off in their own little worlds- and that's kids a developmental step up from toddlers!)

So with that, if the bride still wants a toddler flower girl, I pretty much think you just have to make sure she understands what a toddler is developmentally capable of. She probably won't be able to understand that she's supposed to throw flowers- pomander balls are a much better idea. (Or, one of my friends had a two-year old flower girl, and she just had her carry a basket with a big hydrangea in it- but no throwing anything.) And you should either have an older ring bearer that she knows and can hold her hand, or you or her father should plan to hold her hand or even carry her down the aisle. And the bride should be aware that a tantrum at the last minute could derail walking down tha aisle at all- being in the spotlight can trigger crying jags even for kids who are usually low-key.

MairePoppy · April 2013

Two year olds are notorious for being upredictable, so you and your sister should have zero expectations of your little one. You could practice at home, with posing for pictures and scattering petals, if you want, but there's no guarantee that she will follow through in front of a large crowd. The bride should be flexible and understanding. Have a trusted adult walk or carry her down the aisle and sit with her during the ceremony - near an exit - just in case she needs to be removed.

Have a sitter on stand-by just in case the flower girl is too tired to attend the reception.

NYCMercedes · April 2013

Two is too young, IMHO. She will need a parent to accompany her.

AJuliaNJ · April 2013

This is what I would be prepared for: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvOIHmHHfIQ.

melb2013 · April 2013

I think 2 years old is adorable. Flower girls have nothing they particularly need to do besides look cute- she'll do that just fine. She may need you to coax her down the aisle. I think the proper age for a flower girl is from walking age to the age when people stop saying "awww" when they see the kid walking down the aisle.

She probably won't throw any flowers, but who cares? People just want to see a cute kid.

scully931 · April 2013

I think that's too young, but that's only my opinion. If someone has to walk with them, tell them what to do, etc. I just find that more precocious than cute. I'm sure your daughter is adorable, so please don't think it is about that. I just don't think kids do little they don't even know what's going on should actually be IN the wedding.

Salsera29 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_toddler-flower-girl-what-to-expect?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1c1a33c2-5fc2-4d82-ae32-d63ad58c8afaPost:3b9bfee7-c8e5-4267-bbc1-65b1a8c7745f">Re: Toddler Flower Girl? What To Expect?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think 2 years old is adorable. Flower girls have nothing they particularly need to do besides look cute- she'll do that just fine. She may need you to coax her down the aisle. I think the proper age for a flower girl is from walking age to the age when people stop saying "awww" when they see the kid walking down the aisle. She probably won't throw any flowers, but who cares? People just want to see a cute kid.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't usually chime in on here, but I have to agree with this. My niece is our FG and she's only going to be 15mos. She's going to wear a pretty princess dress, have a pomander of silk flowers on her wrist and (maybe) walk down the aisle escorted by my BIL. If she doesn't do it, no biggie. For me it was really more that I have one niece and everyone (me, my sister, my mom) all wanted her to be FG. If it's in name only, that's fine. </div>

krose83013 · April 2013

My FSIL and FBIL had a little girl who will be 2 a few days before the wedding and a son who will be almost 4 at the wedding. Because both parents are in the wedding party this is how we set up the procession.

Flower Girl and Ring Bearer

FSIl and FBIL

rest of BP...

This was acutally the pastors suggestion this way the kids are with each parent and if they stop walking down the aisle they can always pick them up and walk.

I'm thinking it's going to be extremely cute having them walk down because my nephew is proud little brother and always takes good care of his sister.

I wouldn't stress it will all work out for the best

MairePoppy · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_toddler-flower-girl-what-to-expect?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1c1a33c2-5fc2-4d82-ae32-d63ad58c8afaPost:be0b21fc-40c3-4d6c-9ec0-69663b581ac5">Re: Toddler Flower Girl? What To Expect?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is what I would be prepared for: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvOIHmHHfIQ" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvOIHmHHfIQ</a> .
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Very cute.

<div>It looks like the family was prepared for surprises. The children were seated with adults after the dramatic entrance of the first flower girl. </div></div>

jdblnn · April 2013

I think you should keep her in the wedding. It means alot to me that my nieces are my flower girls, and I'm sure your SIL feels the same way. I would talk to her about ways to make sure that it goes smoothly. For example, maybe do a mini bouquet rather than having her drop petals, have someone walk with her, have someone help her out along the way, or something like that. I would do what you can to make it work.

KaySea6213 · April 2013

I think you just have to know your girl. My little sister was in a wedding back in august just after she turned 2 years. She loved wearing the dress, walked down the aisle on her own, and threw the petals just like she was supposed to. Both she and my niece (who is also 2 will be in my wedding). If you feel like it's too risky to tell talk to the bride and let her know you don't think it's the best idea.

A word of warning though, when (if) you do decide to speak to the bride make it clear why you feel the way you do. When I first got engaged my sister told me my nephew would be available as a ring bearer, but later told my mom she didn't want him in my wedding because he doesn't take direction well. I was really hurt by that because he's in a wedding the day before me, but I understand there may be other reasons that she didn't feel like sharing.

Either way - if a bride wants the most perfect wedding she won't put a two year old in it. It's okay for mishaps, they're even cute.

erinlin25 · April 2013

Just expect the unexpected and remember whatever they do will be cute. No matter how much they "practice" or are excited prior to the wedding they may freeze up or melt down the day of when they see the people. You know your daughter--some 2 year olds are fine in these sitiuations; others may be timid. Just have a back up plan for you or your husband to be available to assist her down the aisle in case she gets scared. The bride needs to expect the unexpected as well and not freak out if she does not go down the aisle.

My FG will be 18 months; my RB just turned 3. These kids mean the world to me and there is no others I would rather have (there would be other kids I "could" ask, but wouldn't since these two are the most important to me). My FG is so excited and asks her mom every day when she gets to wear her pretty dress. Her mom is my best friend and will be walking right before me, so if need be she can bring FG with her if she gets scared, or we plan on having her daddy at the end of the aisle (its really short) to help as well. Whether she goes down the aisle or not, she will be adorable and I get married either way. We also do not expect her to stand with the wedding party but will sit with her dad or grandma during the ceremony.

Bubblegum5586 · April 2013

I have 2 FG and at the wedding they will be 2 1/2 and almost 2. VERY YOUNG, but as PP said these girls mean the world to me and they are the only ones I would want.
With that said, my expectations are LOW. Both their moms are BMs and they can walk down the aisle with their Mom or not at all if its not going to work in the moment.

The mom's and I are making their dresses for about $20 each and I think they are just as thrilled to have them there as I am. So I will hope for the best and prepare for the worst!

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