Wedding Shower for Destination Wedding

Re: Wedding Shower for Destination Wedding

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  AprilH81 member

  

  April 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a0b7d579-d304-47d0-a4f9-21757e8c7fb4Post:638dd7f0-157b-4ec7-ab98-331c0c59647f">Wedding Shower for Destination Wedding</a>:
  [QUOTE]Questions about wedding shower invites.  I am having a destination wedding in Italy this summer 2013, and invited friends and family.  The family members who cannot come are devastated, so my family has now decided that we will have a small ceremony and reception right before we leave for Europe, my parents are paying for this and are on a budget so it is for family only. My bridesmaids want to throw me a wedding shower, the guest list will be the family, co-workers, and friends among those that I want to invite are not invited to the actual local wedding. Can I invite them to the wedding shower?  I understand the etiquette of inviting people to the wedding and to pre-wedding events only.  But some co-workers/friends understand and want to come either way...but I haven't asked each person, I just thought I could invite whoever and whoever RSVPs.  Is this okay?
  Posted by jr4osu[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>If you are having a local ceremony THAT is the wedding.  Whatever you do in Italy would at best be a vow renewal.  If I were in your shoes I would make the Italy trip your honeymoon and have the local ceremony be the focal point to satisfy your family.</div><div>
  </div><div>Or...  You can keep the destination wedding and not have a local ceremony.  Your family may be upset but that is what you usually get with a destination wedding (or weddings in general, no one is ever 100% happy with the plans).
  
  </div>

  

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  Summer2011Bride member

  

  April 2013

  Ditto PP. You can't have 2 weddings. The ceremony you have before going to Italy IS your wedding as that is when you are legally wed.
  
  I think you need to make a choice here. You have to decide if it is more important to have all these people witness your wedding OR if it's more important to wed in Italy. You can do one or the other but doing both is not appropriate. If I bought plane tickets and lodging in Italy for your DW (which is not cheap), I would be very hurt and offended to show up and not even witness your true wedding, but rather a reenactment.
  
  If people have already made travel plans for Italy, I would keep the DW and cancel the ceremony and celebration at home beforehand. You can always have a BBQ or casual get-together when you return from Italy to see the people who couldn't make it and show them some wedding pics.

  
  
  
  
  

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  erinlin25 member

  

  April 2013

  as for the shower, no you cannot invite guests to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding--especially if you were planning "two weddings" and they were not invited to either!
  
  other than that I agree that you cannot have two weddings.  When you choose a DW you also  need to realize that not everyone is going to be able to go and you will probably have a smaller invite list to start with (which means a small shower or no shower at all).  You can have an at-home party when you return from your wedding to allow people who couldn't go an opportunity to celebrate your wedding, but you would not have another ceremony and you wouldn't wear your wedding dress**, have spotlight dances, have a wedding party, etc.  It would just be a party.  Show wedding pics, and eat, drink and be merry. 
  
  **depending on the dress style, I would not side eye if you wore your dress to your party.
  
  If a shower is hosted, I would only invite guests that are actually invited to the Italy wedding.  Invite them and they can decline the wedding, but still attend the shower.  But also be aware that if you invite people to the wedding they may come so you need to be prepared to host them if they do make the trip to Italy!

  
  
  
  

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  riiah86 member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  I think what you are doing is just fine and you should have your wedding or weddings your way. Also, with the pre wedding events do what you want with that also. Ettiquette says otherwise but obviously your wedding is not traditional so set your own rules. I someone has expressed to you that they want to be apart of pre wedding activities knowning full well they wont be at either wedding, so be it. They know what is happening. Your not being decieitful so why not. True, no one will ever be 100% happy with the wedding choices you make but if you are content and happy with two weddings then have two weddings and call them weddings and do them how you would like!

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