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White Bride & Japanese Groom?

branw3nbranw3n member
First Comment
in Interracial Weddings
We are having some trouble planning,
We both want to include my family in America...but his family in Japan as well.
So, we thought instead of one big wedding, we would have 2 small cheap wedding in both countries. I'm not good at this, I was really hoping to use some traditional parts of the Japanese wedding and american wedding...like a mix of the two.. hm...anyone have any ideas?
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Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom?

  • littleluckypennylittleluckypenny member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2012
    Mizutamababy probably has the best advice for you.... Welcome to our board!
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  • lilacsummer66lilacsummer66 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    You are me! I am a white american and boy is Japanese from the land of the rising sun. We have the same concerns. I think we will have a big wedding in the US and a smaller one in Japan (where I hope to wear the traditional wedding kimono, etc).
    In terms of incorporating Japanese traditions in the US, we thought we would have a tea ceremony maybe the day before or morning of. We will probably also include the 9 sips of sake for the joining of the families. Of course you can include culture through food.
    You can also have touches at the ceremony and reception like having the program printed on a fan like the ones given out at festivals in the summertime.
    I will try to remember other things I was thinking of doing...

    We never see other couples like us so this is exciting! lol
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  • branw3nbranw3n member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_white-bride-japanese-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:fd389482-2372-4c11-8348-9450b3f7c113Post:089acca6-67dd-4aa1-9e10-e2521a968610">Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are me! I am a white american and boy is Japanese from the land of the rising sun. We have the same concerns. I think we will have a big wedding in the US and a smaller one in Japan (where I hope to wear the traditional wedding kimono, etc). In terms of incorporating Japanese traditions in the US, we thought we would have a tea ceremony maybe the day before or morning of. We will probably also include the 9 sips of sake for the joining of the families. Of course you can include culture through food. You can also have touches at the ceremony and reception like having the program printed on a fan like the ones given out at festivals in the summertime. I will try to remember other things I was thinking of doing... We never see other couples like us so this is exciting! lol
    Posted by RMarkman[/QUOTE]

    Wow! yeah, I've never met another couple like us, i'm excited too, haha
    We'll deffinatlly have to swap ideas :D
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  • lilacsummer66lilacsummer66 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_white-bride-japanese-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:fd389482-2372-4c11-8348-9450b3f7c113Post:f02bfcb3-b811-46fb-9aeb-15e10669f9c4">Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom? : Wow! yeah, I've never met another couple like us, i'm excited too, haha We'll deffinatlly have to swap ideas :D
    Posted by branw3n[/QUOTE]

    Yes definitely! If you find out about any more cultural traditions let me know. Did you plan to wear a kimono at any point that day?
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  • mizutamababymizutamababy member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2012
    Heya! Nice to see some similar couples on the board- welcome!

    I agree sharing sake between family is a good tradition.  Instead of a bouquet toss, traditionally ribbons are tied to the bouquet and those that are single pick a ribbon to pull.  The person holding the ribbon that's connected to the bouquet gets it.

    Though I think what will most affect how your ceremony goes is whether you pursue a traditional or Western-style type of ceremony.  In general weddings are pretty expensive here... (Which is why we had ours in Las Vegas; it was about 1/3 of the average cost that way.) The traditional route usually comes out to be a lot cheaper than the Western styled ceremonies/receptions. Spring and fall are the main wedding seasons in Japan so I imagine prices would be higher then.  June used to be avoided because of the rainy season, but recently "June bride" is becoming a thing to drum up wedding industry business.  I wouldn't really recommend summer because of the heat and humidity.   Not a lot of places are properly air conditioned like the U.S., especially with the energy conservation campaigns since the earthquake.

    Generally Japanese brides rent their wedding kimono... usually a uchikake (brightly colored) or shiromuku (pure white) and you need to make a fitting appointment to pick one out.  Perhaps someone in his family could set ya'll up an appointment?  Or better yet if someone happens to have an heirloom kimono they don't mind letting you borrow.

    Recently a lot of couples will just have portrait pictures done in wedding attire and then having a more laid back party somewhere with friends since a lot of younger people can't afford the cost of a real wedding.  Although I assume part of this is because it's not typical to plan your own like many do in the U.S...  So you might be able to find some place to rent out and maybe have some friends do readings or officiate.

    If you plan to register in Japan I'd suggest doing the U.S. ceremony first because there's less running around involved.
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  • branw3nbranw3n member
    First Comment
    He said his mom would probably let me borrow her wedding kimono,
    sharing sake would be great but i'm only 20, and i'm allergic to alcohol :/
    We are just graduated college students so we need to do it on the cheap,
    He thinks Japan would be more expensive, so we were leaning more on doing it in the united states. I was thinking a cermony in a feild/country side since my mom lives in the country,  I like the bouqet idea alote. and your dress, i love tea length wedding dresses.
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  • mizutamababymizutamababy member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_white-bride-japanese-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:fd389482-2372-4c11-8348-9450b3f7c113Post:97f48f7e-f164-448f-bed4-48d75a0bc39c">Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]He said his mom would probably let me borrow her wedding kimono, sharing sake would be great but i'm only 20, and i'm allergic to alcohol :/ We are just graduated college students so we need to do it on the cheap, He thinks Japan would be more expensive, so we were leaning more on doing it in the united states. I was thinking a cermony in a feild/country side since my mom lives in the country,  I like the bouqet idea alote. and your dress, i love tea length wedding dresses.
    Posted by branw3n[/QUOTE]

    20 is the legal drinking age in Japan so not to worry about minor restrictions, but the alcohol allergy would be a problem.  Perhaps you can have another clear-type drink poured to look like sake..?  I might ask for Japanese relative input on this.  This is one of the main traditions of a Japanese wedding.

    Another thing that takes place at most modern Japanese weddings is a candle lighting.  It's similar to a unity candle practice except the couple light candles at each guest table, starting with the table(s) parents are seated at, before lighting their own.  This is usually done to signal the reception is almost over.  We didn't do it because we only had one long banquet table and I don't think our venue allowed open flames, but it could be a simple thing to incorporate.

    You could also try to have Japanese-ish decorations.  We did folded paper cranes with a name tag around the neck for placecards.  Chrysanthemums are the royal flower and of course Japan is also famous for cherry blossoms so you could include that in your decor.  You could also have Japanese alcohol/sake served for your guests or have a Japanese-style meal served as far as meal and drink go.  Japanese cakes are usually somewhat different looking than Western cakes... Lots of fruit and strawberries. (<a href="http://www.anacrowneplaza-kobe.jp/wedding/item/cake.html" rel="nofollow">examples</a>)

    I would have to agree that doing it in the U.S. would be most cost effective...  Weddings here are very packaged and people don't plan their own...  they cost about $30,000-$40,000 for an average affair; the dress rental alone can run you thousands per dress (major ouch since the bride usually changes three times... one white dress, one gaudy dress, and one traditional wedding kimono) and the dresses are usually one size fits all with corset backing.  And thanks for your compliment!  I found getting my wedding dress in Japan was my hardest task... I ended up ordering from a seamstress on etsy and having it shipped overseas, praying that it wouldn't need alterations because that's not a concept here either lol!  Luckily it worked out!

    I've seen some gorgeous wedding halls here but sadly we had a budget of about 1,000,000 yen (somewhere between 10K and 15K) and that wouldn't have gone very far in Japan.  Also weddings are strict formal affairs here and there's no dancing, DJs, or other wedding related games played.  They're mostly about speeches and the couple (bride) being somewhat of a princess on display...  Not something either of us is into.

    If you were to do another "ceremony" in Japan, I would suggest having a non-hosted party at a restaurant.  People here will usually pay somewhere around 10,000 yen give or take to go to receptions (much more if they go for the whole wedding and are obligated to give wedding gift money)  so it's likely you would not be put out much as a couple and I'm sure his family could easily arrange this as they're becoming more common alternatives to the average cost weddings mentioned above.  The only thing you would need to do in this scenario is to prepare a nice favor for each guest, and the favors should be quite nice like a bottle of wine per guest or something; not just a box of candy or something cheaper.

    But I guess yeah, in general... to summarize I agree with your FI that skipping doing the whole nine yards in Japan is probably the better decision if you're on a budget and ya'll want something laid back.

    As for etiquette things to watch out for... registries are kind of frowned upon in Japan.  Most people will give cash if they do give, which they normally will.
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  • SarahinTokyoSarahinTokyo
    First Comment
    <div>I am in EXACTLY the same situation as you.  So, it would be cool to share ideas.  I currently live in Japan and know how expensive weddings can be.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Which city is your fiance from?  That may dictate some aspects that you want to include in your wedding.</div><div>
    </div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_white-bride-japanese-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:fd389482-2372-4c11-8348-9450b3f7c113Post:b6467ccf-1cc3-418f-a828-b54a13f196a4">White Bride & Japanese Groom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having some trouble planning, We both want to include my family in America...but his family in Japan as well. So, we thought instead of one big wedding, we would have 2 small cheap wedding in both countries. I'm not good at this, I was really hoping to use some traditional parts of the Japanese wedding and american wedding...like a mix of the two.. hm...anyone have any ideas?
    Posted by branw3n[/QUOTE]
    Report Reply
  • kawaiiakurei06kawaiiakurei06 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Hi everyone!!

    I am another white bride marring her Japanese love ^^. I want to incorporate some aspects of Japan, but since my fiance is so American-like, our wedding will most likely incorporate only bits and pieces of the culture. Though most of it will be following current Japanese Gyaru fashion trends, since I got obessed with that fashion when I was in Japan ( />-<)!

    Is anyone else dealing with the whole fiance visa process?
    Report Reply
  • branw3nbranw3n member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_white-bride-japanese-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:fd389482-2372-4c11-8348-9450b3f7c113Post:70b17b87-658d-43cf-88ff-4a6bd1164769">Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in EXACTLY the same situation as you.  So, it would be cool to share ideas.  I currently live in Japan and know how expensive weddings can be.   Which city is your fiance from?  That may dictate some aspects that you want to include in your wedding. In Response to White Bride & Japanese Groom? :
    Posted by SarahinTokyo[/QUOTE]
     He is from Morioka, in Iwate
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  • mizutamababymizutamababy member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_white-bride-japanese-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:fd389482-2372-4c11-8348-9450b3f7c113Post:c744e681-00b2-4bde-825c-1e9e144ab0e1">Re: White Bride & Japanese Groom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone!! I am another white bride marring her Japanese love ^^. I want to incorporate some aspects of Japan, but since my fiance is so American-like, our wedding will most likely incorporate only bits and pieces of the culture. Though most of it will be following current Japanese Gyaru fashion trends, since I got obessed with that fashion when I was in Japan ( />-<)! Is anyone else dealing with the whole fiance visa process?
    Posted by kawaiiakurei06[/QUOTE]

    Welcome!

    I'm not sure what a gyaru wedding would look like..?  Do you mean something like wearing himegyaru fashion instead of a traditional wedding dress?  Not gyaru fashion related, but I've heard of some foreigners or Japanese fans of lolita brands getting married in lolita attire before.  I guess you could do a theme around bling since decoden and other deco-ed accessories are kind of a gyaru staple.
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  • HagiYaki1HagiYaki1
    First Comment
    I know this thread is a bit old and no one's posted in a year, but I wanted to introduce myself as a very excited, recently engaged white fiancee to a Japanese fiance! :-)
    We met over a year ago in our small inaka city/town. He's here learning how to make pottery and I'm in the JET Programme. I'll be going home next year for two years to go to mortuary school and then after that, back to Japan for married life! :-D
    And in a culture that doesn't look too highly on funeral directors, I think I found a keeper when he shrugged and said, "It's a necessary job. Do what is your passion and I will support you."
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