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Non Catholic Involvement

libby18belllibby18bell member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
in Catholic Weddings
Hi Ladies, hope everyone is having a good morning.

My FI and I were raised in the Catholic church and are practicing and what not.  We are getting married in the church and my one sister whom I'm very close to who is also catholic is my MOH.  My other sister and I are not as close, and hasn't been a positive person in my life, anyways cutting to the point.  She isn't Catholic, she converted to Methodist when she got married quite a while ago, no worries there.  My pickle though is my mom really wants her to be involved in some way in my wedding, she's extremely reluctant to do a reading, and as of right now it's a no go.  Is there some other way she can participate in the ceremony that you ladies can think of?
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Re: Non Catholic Involvement

  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Are you having a house party?  Could she be a member of that?  I know some people have a big problem with house parties, but I basically just asked my girls to wear a black dress and put their names in the program.  They didn't have any specific "duties," although I think they helped hand out programs.
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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    What is a house party?  If you mean the party the day after, she wouldn't be able to help cause she has to travel home.

    I offered her and her daughter to get their hair done with us girls on the morning of, my treat, and she was anti that.  I'm just trying to find ways to include her.  She is probably semi hurt I didn't ask her to be a BM, but she hasn't been supportive in my life for a while, and actually has said some crazy hurtful things to me and most of the family.
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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    When I looked it up, the "official" role of the house party was to "assist the maid of honor."  I think typically these are girls who you ask to help hand out programs, man the guest book, or just greet guests.  You have to be careful because there's a fine line between "part of the wedding" and "hired help" with house party (which is why some people hate it), but it's something you could do.

    Alternatively, could you include all your non-WP siblings in the processional?  Maybe a "Seating of the families" instead of "Seating of the parents"?

    Otherwise you might just have to tell your mom that them's the breaks and keep everything the way you'd planned.  You shouldn't have to feel pressured to include someone just because they're family.
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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    I think my parents are more disappointed than anything that she doesn't want to be involved.  

    The house thing though could work, or at least make her feel included.  She and her family can come over to the house while we are getting ready and just visit maybe.  
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  • bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    @professorscience, you're officially the second person I've ever known with a house party. The first was totally bridezilla, so...you know how bridezilla goes. Anyway, I think it tends to be a southern/Texas thing, but it made me chuckle.

    @libby18bell, I have a cousin who is pretty much left me in the same position. We're not close, but everyone always included everyone until me. I didn't ask her to be a BM, and she's still mad at me. She has a lot of other stuff going on in her life, so I wouldn't expect the same from your sister, but there might not be anything that makes her happy if what she really wanted was to be in the WP. If she doesn't want to do a reading, and doesn't want to get ready with you guys, I just don't know what will make her truly happy.
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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
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    @bibliophile, you're right.  Not sure what's going on in her life, since she's semi shutting out me and my other sister by just being rude and a total jerk every time we reach out to her, but I doubt anything would make her happy.  I was actually trying to be considerate by not asking her to be a BM.  She's not only significantly older than the other girls, her life is insanely busy, and there's the added distance from everyone, so I didn't want to burden her at all, and put pressure on her.  Adding on that I consider my BP to be nearest and dearest, I joke that they are my core girls are "bury the body friends."  Granted one would probably bury the body right outside the police station cause she got lost.  

    I think the final straw with the sister was after FI proposed, and I was utterly surprised, but he likes to do that to me.  When I told her she said so when's the baby due.  She was obviously joking but I was equally offended.
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  • lalaith50lalaith50 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I think your mom needs to stay out of it. It doesn't sound like your sister wants to be involved, and you don't really want her to either. There is NO rule that siblings have to be involved, and I suspect that from what it sounds like your relationship is like now, not having her do anything won't make it "worse," (as long as she is able to be reasonably mature, and isn't going to turn around and pull a "why wasn't I asked to do anything?!" move.)
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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
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    @Bibli, definitely a Southern thing.  I asked one of my Oklahoma friends to be in my HP and she didn't even know what it was.  Another friend thought I meant I wanted to have a house party, so she was like, "Tonight?  I'm busy."

    @Libby, I kind of agree with PPs.  You can't just add jobs because someone has their feelings hurt.  
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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    @TKKristen, she can't bring the gifts up cause she is no longer Catholic.  I also am having my two nephews do that, and they are really excited, they have offered to valet park too, um yeah neither is even close to driving age but they are great boys.

    @Prof, that pretty much sums it up.  I'm disappointed that she won't do a reading, she initially said yes and then said no and said it was too much pressure.  I just let it go, but I think my parents are hurt that my sister is being so difficult, so I'm trying to figure out anyway that she can be involved but not feel "pressure" or whatever thing she is thinking.  
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  • Tami87Tami87 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I would just include her as a guest, have her sit up front and maybe get her a  corsage or flower pin if you are doing that for other family members. I think you already made an effort to include her by asking her to do a reading and inviting her to get ready with you (I would leave this offer open for now and see if she changes her mind). It sounds like this is more your mom pushing for your sister to be involved than your sister even wanting to be involved. You can also ask her to stay (or come early) for family pictures.
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  • Resa77Resa77
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    While I'm a big fan of including family in the wedding party, it doesn't sound like she really wants to be a part of your big day, other than being a guest.  Being a BM costs money (often a LOT), so if she doesn't really want to do it, it might even make things worse if she feels like she has to do it, and therefore has to fork over money for a dress, alterations, hair, etc etc.

     

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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    Resa, I didn't want her to be a BM.  So I don't know if she is hurt from that still, and if she is she hasn't been adult enough to tell my mom so I could explain it to her.

    Thanks so much ladies.  I guess I'll just leave the offer open and if she grows up and wants to join in the fun then so be it.  The door is always open.  
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    It sounds like PP gave you sound advice, all of which I second, but I wanted to add that it's not a requirement that your BMs, or anyone in your wedding party, be Catholic. None of my BMs are Catholic, and none of FI's GMs are Catholic. Our cantor is, obvs, as are our readers -- but our readers are Catholic only because they're lectors in their own churches and we knew they'd know what to do during Mass. 
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • HeatherSP13HeatherSP13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Your bridal party does not have to be Catholic.  We had 3 bridesmaids & 3 groomsmen and only 1 person was Catholic.  I had 2 friends who are not in bridal party but are Catholic to be the lectors.
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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    I really appreciate the advice from the ladies. 

     I'm definitely going to have the open door policy and see what she decides.  Me not asking my sister to be a BM, was because she hasn't been supportive in my life, it has nothing to do with religion.  Our BP is a mixture of various religions, only my MOH and one of my BMs is Catholic.  None of the remaining BP are Catholic.

    My point in posting this was to find some way she could participate.  

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