Need help setting a timeline for wedding day

offbeat9 · May 2013

My fiance, my parents and myself have gone back and forth a million times about when things should start/end. Please help!! (warning: not a typical wedding so bear with us!)

This is in early/mid Sept -- everything is on the same property.

The main arguments have been whether there is too much time between ceremony and dinner and then also if there is enough 'dancing' time after dinner before ending the music and lighting the bonfire. thanks for any suggestions!

noon or 1pm - Photos of bride/groom and attendants before ceremony

3pm - quick outdoor ceremony (30 min or less)

after ceremony - cocktails, munchies & lawn games outdoors while DJ plays 'fun' background music (bride/groom will be taking a few fam photos w/ parents during part of this)

5pm - buffet style bbq dinner indoors (we're guestimating a little over an hr for everyone to eat?!)

6:30ish - after dinner - cut cake, put array of desserts out, first dance, father/daughter dance

8:30pm music/dancing ends

8:30ish - light bonfire for any guests who would like to stay and join us there for s'mores etc.

any thoughts would be appreciated! we aren't sure if it's too long or what. we don't expect everyone to stay for the fire. we think some younger folks / closer friends and fam will. we also didn't want to continue the music while the fire was going on because the bonfire area is far enough away from the building that it would awkwardly split people up too much for the small group we're expecting.

thekorsans · May 2013

hmmm.. you have a lot of time in between your ceremony and dinner for it being in the same location. but you say you'll have outdoor games, so seems like quite a casual wedding. if you're confident you have enough games and appetizers to keep your guests busy for two hours then you'll be fine..

and you haven't given a lot of fun party time to your wedding. If you're wanting to start the first dance and cake cutting at 6:30, that'll take up a good half hour, then your dance music won't start til 7 or shortly after, ending at 8:30 is a short party... but being on these boards I've realized everyone is very different. I love the bonfire idea you have, but is it going to even be dark enough at 8:30?? If you could, I'd let your music and dancing go a bit later and start your bonfire sometime after 9:00.

offbeat9 · May 2013

thanks for your thoughts! it's so nice to have fresh eyes look at things you've been staring at way too long.

it is a very laid back wedding, actually at a camping area. the time inbetween the ceremony/dinner will be more like 1.5 hours by the time the ceremony starts (i'm never on time!) and ends. there will be lots of cocktails to start the party and music during that time to keep it lively. we aren't fans of when the bridal party is gone for hours on end taking photos so we wanted the games to be a time to engage with everyone. (since we aren't doing a receiving line or anything)

the first dance/cake is where i am clueless. we are just slicing into a tiny cake and it's not being 'served' or anything... the desserts will be out already so people can help themselves after dinner. our first dance won't be a big show, i can't imagine whatever song we pick will be any longer than 2-3 mins. i guess i was thinking these things would be quick. i'm also not sure when else to do them. could we do one of them while people are still finishing their dinner? (side note- we aren't doing like a money dance, garter/boquet so dont need to factor any of that into dancing time)

the park has quiet hours starting at 10, but i could definitely extend the dj until 9ish. i just wasn't sure if that was too long given that we are still having the fire afterward. i didn't want people not to stay for it because it was too late/long a day. and yep, the sun sets at 7:30 that time of year!

thanks again!! i think i am at least going to extend the dj!

thekorsans · May 2013

oh yah if it's late september the sun will defintely set earlier.

as for thinking people will think it's too late or too long of a day, that all depends on your guests. i'm canadian and my fiance is american and we quickly learned how different our traditions are. the hotel we're having our reception at wanted to end our reception at 11pm, i'm paying a hefty amount to have it go until midnight, which is just CRAZY to me!!! weddings in canada go to 2am, i'm a little embarrassed to have my wedding only go until midnight. but for my fiance, he was completely content with it ending at 11pm. so everyone has very different traditions!!!!

with your timeline, i think you may be alright! an hour and a half for people to munch and hang out and play games is perfect! don't worry about the exact timing of your first dance, things may not go exactly as planned but just let it happen, don't stress too much!!

offbeat9 · May 2013

our guests are definitely split... younger friends and fam will party and probably stay and drink around the fire. older relatives will be calling it quits earlier im sure. most of my friends' weddings were at hotels and went until 11 or so and then the party moved to a bar or whatever so yours definitely sounds fun. (canadian tradiiton sounds like a gooood time too!) our rustic/camp atmosphere doesn't lend itself to that bass bumping, party the night away night but i'm sure we'll be up late, beers in hand, around the fire

thanks for your help! hope yours goes well too!

offbeat9 · May 2013

thanks for your input. pretty much everyone that'll be there is outdoorsy (prob where we got it from!) so not too worried!

Caitlynmk · May 2013

I agree with it being a short dance party and the time inbetween the ceremony and dinner being served. Photos after the ceremony will be very quick in your photog knows what they are doing and you said you are already doing some photos beforehand too.

Just for some options, here is what we did: first dance was before serving dinner right after being introduced. After we finished eating (bridge and groom eat first) we did table visits and cut the cake. Shortly after the cake was served we had the mother/son and father/daughter dance. We loved how the timing worked out because there wasn't a lot of lag time where people are just sitting around doing nothing and then as soon as the parent dances are over, its party time. Just something to think about!

offbeat9 · May 2013

thanks for your thoughts. we have decided to cut our cake while the guests are finishing eating since we will be done first and they will all be able to see from their tables. it's just a tiny cake for us - there will be assorted cakes/desserts for them to choose from. we are only doing 1 parent dance, not the other so between that and cutting the cake earlier and extending the dj til 9, we should have a bit more 'dance' time for those who are into that kind of thing. (i'm not huge into it!) we purposely built the time inbetween the ceremony/dinner into the day so we can visit with everyone that way instead of receiving lines or table visits. we felt it would be much more our style to do it with games than formal 'visits'. we are having giant lawn jenga, bocce, jumo checkers, cornhole etc!

ash241 · May 2013

If it rains no one will play the lawn games just as a warning. My friend's wedding had lawn games and then it poured and was muggy out, we were all dressed up and no one played. So it was boring waiting around for them after the ceremony. I am keeping my pics after the ceremony to less than an hr because I get so hungry and crabby waiting to eat.

offbeat9 · May 2013

Thanks for making me really think this through, ladies. It's great because I hadn't thought of some things... But, unfortunately, no we can't combo the bonfire and games. The space between the building/games/ceremony area and the bonfire is too big to have them flow as one area. And we can't move the firepit, it's built into the property. The bonfire is really only for our late night friends - we do not expect many family members will stay for it though they are welcome so I'm not too worried. Our invite specifies lawn games, bbq and bonfire to follow the ceremony. You know the weddings that go til midnight with lots of drinking/dancing? Well, we're those kind of people except we'd rather be around the fire, drinking a beer with friends, playing music, etc.

As for the lawn games/rain/dressy clothes dilemmas that I have totally pondered for quite some time... my solution is this: our DJ is playing our ceremony music and is flexible on time so if it's a rainy day, we'll prob do the first dances and cake and start that stuff before dinner to kill the time that was set aside for lawn games. We also have enough room in the building to bring one or two of the games inside (like giant connect 4, maybe lawn jenga, and there is also access to a ping pong table if we're really bored lol) And, the DJ can stay late for longer dancing time if the rain kills the bonfire. So, I hope we're covered if the weather doesn't cooperate.

Through word of mouth, we've been conveying to family that they definitely don't need to dress up, shorts/sundresses/capris and such are totally acceptable as they'll be much more comfortable. So, I'm not too worried about people being too dressed for the games, plus, we know our families are into that kind of thing.

Thanks again, all.

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