Dear Prudence,
I am a happily married professional in my late 20s. I grew up with
wonderful parents and an older brother who was bright but suffered from
mental illness. When we were teenagers, he committed suicide in our
home. It was a difficult time for me, full of the insensitivity of
junior high school students. I moved out of state as an adult, so very
few of the people I know now are aware that I had a brother. Often, when
I meet new people or chat with co-workers, people talk about their
families and someone asks if I am an only child. I tried answering yes,
but it felt dishonest. Now I tell people that I had an older brother who
died when we were younger. It makes other people feel awkward and
brings the conversation to a standstill. I have no desire to disclose
the details about what happened. Is there a way that I can answer this
question in a way that does not invite probing, yet is polite and does
not make others uncomfortable?