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what would you do? no RSVP received.

stumpie3stumpie3
Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

RSVP were due over a week ago.  we gave final numbers to our carterers yesterday (but we can increase).  we have a few weird situations. our reception venue suggested that they would set an extra table so if people showed up they could just sit there but I feel bad about that.  so for these situations would you count of them not coming, put them at a table where they know people, or just put these people at this extra table and be done with it?  

FI parents friends/neighbors that never RSVP - his parents said oh they aren't coming then.  but his mom ran into her the other day and she said "oh we want to come, when is it?"  so she was like oh no did you not get your invite?  nope they got it she said oh no it's in the house and went on about who would water the flowers blah - so not coming, preset table, extra table?

my college roomie never RSVP - lives in AZ now and the wedding is in Ohio.  I have reached out to her via phone, text, and FB with no response.  I feel like I'm just bugging her if I ask one more time.  so not coming, preset table, extra table?

FI cousin that never RSVP - told us at her wedding 3 weeks ago that she was coming but had yet to send her card in - we didn't think to clarify if just her and him were coming or the 4 children they have were coming with them.  FI asked her after honeymoon and she said oh let me check who has the kids and acted like they didn't want to bring the kids so if it was their weekend they wouldn't be coming and we haven't heard from her since - so not coming, preset table, extra table?

or do we just keep bugging these people?

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Re: what would you do? no RSVP received.

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think the extra table is a great idea. Who cares if they don't love it? Maybe they'll learn that's what happens when you're rude and don't RSVP
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I would contact each of them one more time and if they don't respond then I would assume they are not coming. But if they do show up, you have the extra table JIC.
    image 
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The roomie has had enough opportunities to reply. Call the two other families and ask. If you don't hear yes, forget them. You'll have a few no shows anyway, so if there is someone extra, they'll find a seat. Btw, you can ask your FI to call, but in our case, the MIL was useless in follow ups.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would follow-up one last time and let them know 1) the drop dead date they can get back to you, and 2) if they don't reply by that date with a yes, you will assume they are not coming and forward the final headcount to your vendors (even if it's in a message/email/text - I'd do all three, but I have no shame in spamming when people don't RSVP like they should). 

    An extra table is nice, but I know in our venue, we can't really swing the extra space - if yours is big enough, it's a nice thought.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Your FI's cousin told you yes in person. Though the card is nice, if she told you yes in person you can't assume she isn't coming because she didn't send in the card.
    So of everyone, I'd try to get in touch with her and hammer down whether she's bringing the kids or not.

    Having extra seating is always a good idea if you suspect non-RSPVing people to show up, but I'm confused how there will be enough food for them? It's probably just safer to get in contact with the questionables.

    Send the roommate one more voicemail and say something like, "I'd love to see you but I understand if you can't make it. If I don't hear from you by Date XYZ I'll assume you aren't coming. But either way I hope we can chat again really soon!" or something like that.
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    FloridaBride27 said:

    I am in a similar situation, except over HALF of my invies haven't RSVPd! I requested them back by tomorrow and out of 80 I have 20 invites. The destination wedding is July 27 and invites were sent April 15. Did I request them back too soon? I sent STDs in December so I thought most would have a good idea of if they can make it. Thoughts?

    Yes you expected them too soon. Invitations shouldn't be going out until now. Most people dot know what they're doing in two months.
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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    FloridaBride27 said:
    I am in a similar situation, except over HALF of my invies haven't RSVPd! I requested them back by tomorrow and out of 80 I have 20 invites. The destination wedding is July 27 and invites were sent April 15. Did I request them back too soon? I sent STDs in December so I thought most would have a good idea of if they can make it. Thoughts?
    Yes you expected them too soon. Invitations shouldn't be going out until now. Most people dot know what they're doing in two months.
    I have read numerous places that formal invites for destination weddings must be sent three months out so they can plan for travel. Am I wrong?
    I don't think so...
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    FloridaBride27 said:

    misshart00 said:

    FloridaBride27 said:

    I am in a similar situation, except over HALF of my invies haven't RSVPd! I requested them back by tomorrow and out of 80 I have 20 invites. The destination wedding is July 27 and invites were sent April 15. Did I request them back too soon? I sent STDs in December so I thought most would have a good idea of if they can make it. Thoughts?

    Yes you expected them too soon. Invitations shouldn't be going out until now. Most people dot know what they're doing in two months.
    I have read numerous places that formal invites for destination weddings must be sent three months out so they can plan for travel. Am I wrong?
    Even with destination weddings, you're supposed to send them out 6-8 week ahead of time. That's why STDs were created, so that you can give people pertinent info without sending out invitations so early.

    That being said, I think you'll have a lot of phone calls to make. But I would wait until closer to when final numbers are due.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    FloridaBride27 said:
    I am in a similar situation, except over HALF of my invies haven't RSVPd! I requested them back by tomorrow and out of 80 I have 20 invites. The destination wedding is July 27 and invites were sent April 15. Did I request them back too soon? I sent STDs in December so I thought most would have a good idea of if they can make it. Thoughts?
    Yes you expected them too soon. Invitations shouldn't be going out until now. Most people dot know what they're doing in two months.
    I have read numerous places that formal invites for destination weddings must be sent three months out so they can plan for travel. Am I wrong?
    I think Save the Dates cover giving your guests a heads up if they want to come to a destination wedding - and it sounds like you sent those out with plenty of notice, so that's good. I think your invites went out a little early but that's water under the bridge so don't sweat it at this point (usually it's 6-8 weeks prior if you already did STDs). 

    I think your RSVP date is what's probably throwing people off a little. Most people ask for RSVP a couple to a few weeks prior to the event - yours is almost 2 months. Again, water under the bridge since they already went out, so you might just have to follow up with phone calls (I would wait til about mid-June) and ask them to get back to you by the end of June unless your vendors need a final head count before then (which would surprise me).
    *********************************************************************************

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  • allispainallispain member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    FloridaBride27 said:
    I am in a similar situation, except over HALF of my invies haven't RSVPd! I requested them back by tomorrow and out of 80 I have 20 invites. The destination wedding is July 27 and invites were sent April 15. Did I request them back too soon? I sent STDs in December so I thought most would have a good idea of if they can make it. Thoughts?
    If your RSVP by deadline is tomorrow, that means that lots of people will put theirs in the mail tomorrow. Wait until next Tuesday or Wednesday before you start worrying about who hasn't responded.
    image
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    FloridaBride27 said:

    Thanks everyone! Sometimes wedding jitters get the best of me and I jump the gun. :) Ill wait until mid June to make follow ups

    Good idea. And I agree with PP that you may get several on the next few days.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Unfortunately, you have to hear it from everyone whether or not they are coming/bringing or not bringing the kids.  If you try your best and still can't get through to someone or can't get an answer out of them, I'd at least be prepared for them to show up.  It's really rude and inconsiderate of them not to give you an answer, but it's also really rude to invite someone and not be prepared to host them.
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  • theretamaragoestheretamaragoes
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I just went through a VERY similar thing.

    I think that having a 'spare' table for the unexpected/surprise guests is just fine. Sure, maybe they wont be seated next to the absolute best person that they could be seated next to... But that's what happens when you don't RSVP!
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