Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not wedding related, baby shower etiquette related, sorry!

I am posting this here because the mother to be is an avid reader on the baby boards and I really like your wedding etiquette advice on this board, so I thought perhaps you could help me. 

My best friend is due in September. I really want to plan her shower for her. She is a control freak who is adamant about planning her own shower. I told her a couple months back that in no way, shape or form can she plan her own shower, it will look like a gift grab. She argued with me about it and I told her it wasn't even up for discussion. I'm planning it, period. Her spouse spoke me with me today about it and said that she is willing to relinquish some control, but still wants to pick the venue and provide food/beverages. That is still pretty much her planning it, imo. I really want to have a chat with her tonight about it and tell her "listen, I am planning it, I am picking everything from the venue to invitations to food, and I don't want to hear anything more about it. You can pick the date and time, and you just need to show up. End of discussion". I have a feeling she will get REALLY pissed though if she can't at least pick the venue. Am I being unreasonable? Is this something that is common now (throwing your own shower?) Please, help!

Re: Not wedding related, baby shower etiquette related, sorry!

  • Why do you want to plan something for someone who sounds like she'll be ungrateful with whatever you plan? 
  • You are correct that she should not plan her own shower. However, it would be really nice if you sat down with her and discussed what she wants in terms of venue and food/drinks. You don't have to go with what she chooses, but it'll give you an idea of what she's got in mind.
  • She's PREGNANT.  That turns even the most reasonable person into a control freak.  She knows her body is completely OUT OF CONTROL and it looks funny and it doesn't process food like it used to.  Nothing is usual or predictable.  So she wants to talk to someone who will LISTEN to her, because she knows her body isn't listening to her, and she knows her family and her husband's family see her as BabyCarrier instead of Courtney.  Tell her to that you want to be a real friend to her and you understand her high stress level and how she feels completely out of control, not knowing what impact this pregnancy and this baby are going to have on her marriage and her job and her concept of her own self - and then take her to lunch and really LISTEN TO HER instead of rejecting all that she says and thinks.  You don't have to do every single thing she says, but you need to listen to her.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    misssunshine17 said: Why do you want to plan something for someone who sounds like she'll be ungrateful with whatever you plan? 
    This. Maybe it's just b/c I'm in a bad mood today, but if I were you, I'd be getting pretty annoyed with her and would be all,
    Fine. Fuck it. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • OP, don't listen to Kirstin. Seriously. Being pregnant is not a free pass to be a douche. 
  • She's PREGNANT.  That turns even the most reasonable person into a control freak.  She knows her body is completely OUT OF CONTROL and it looks funny and it doesn't process food like it used to.  Nothing is usual or predictable.  So she wants to talk to someone who will LISTEN to her, because she knows her body isn't listening to her, and she knows her family and her husband's family see her as BabyCarrier instead of Courtney.  Tell her to that you want to be a real friend to her and you understand her high stress level and how she feels completely out of control, not knowing what impact this pregnancy and this baby are going to have on her marriage and her job and her concept of her own self - and then take her to lunch and really LISTEN TO HER instead of rejecting all that she says and thinks.  You don't have to do every single thing she says, but you need to listen to her.

    I'm pregnant. And while I agree that I'm hormonal and nutty (and very Type A), I hope my best friend would slap me silly if I told her I wanted to plan everything for my shower. I've had a couple of shower offers and I just keep saying, "if you want to plan something, that would be wonderful. Thank you."
  • @laceyisannoyed: Question - Is there a reason she's offering to help choose the venue and pay for the food? AKA Does she and her hubby make more money than you and worry about the financial burden it might put on you for throwing it? 

    True, she is going overboard being demanding about the whole thing, but if she knows your tight on money she might want to pitch-in because it would alleviate the added stress of worrying about whether or not your stretching yourself by throwing the shower, or she may have a lot more people then you're thinking that she'd like to come to the shower.  

    As others have suggested - talk to her and see if it its really her Type A personality OR if she has other reasons for really wanting certain things and paying for certain things. 
  • @laceyisannoyed: Question - Is there a reason she's offering to help choose the venue and pay for the food? AKA Does she and her hubby make more money than you and worry about the financial burden it might put on you for throwing it? 

    True, she is going overboard being demanding about the whole thing, but if she knows your tight on money she might want to pitch-in because it would alleviate the added stress of worrying about whether or not your stretching yourself by throwing the shower, or she may have a lot more people then you're thinking that she'd like to come to the shower.  

    As others have suggested - talk to her and see if it its really her Type A personality OR if she has other reasons for really wanting certain things and paying for certain things. 
    This.
    \
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards