40-Plus Brides

New here...and adopting

I joined a few months ago (got engaged las July), but haven't spent much time on the site.  I'm 47 (48 next month), and my FH is 44.  This will be my first marriage, his second.

A complicating factor--but a good one--is that I'm in the process of adopting a little boy in Russia!  I'd started the adoption process as a single parent, long before meeting FH.  It's a long process anyway, and I've run into some extra delays.  The timeline is unpredictable, and I need to finish the adoption as a single person--it would complicate things to get married first.  But that makes it impossible to set a wedding date until the adoption's final.  And then, I'll be getting used to being a mommy, to a 3-year-old!  I'd like to have as much planned as possible before while I'm waiting for the adoption to happen, so once we're able to set a date, it's more or less "plug and play."  I think it's kinda hard for him to think about serious planning without a concrete timeline, though.

I also live far away from family, and from the close friend I want to have as a bridesmaid.  So, the people who'd normally help plan aren't local to sit and talk to, visit vendors with me, etc.  And I think both sets of parents, while they'll be glad to help, are consciously staying out of things so they don't seem like they're meddling and trying to take over.  It's overwhelming!  I know I need to ask for help, but I'm an independent woman, and asking for help isn't exactly my strong suit....

Re: New here...and adopting

  • Wecome Allison, and congrats on your upcoming marriage and your journey to being a Mommy!  You will not find a better group of ladies than on here - they are awesome!

    I love Lucy's restaurant idea - it is practical, yet very intimate and nice.  Another suggestion would be a hotel, or a B n B - many of them set up for intimate weddings also.

    What you can do now, while you are waiting, is look for some places to have your wedding, find your dress, and at least have those things in place minus the date for the venue. 


    Wishing you the best!
    Anniversary
  • Congrats on so much happening, so many blessings.

    You've had great advice, but I'll talk about being an "older mom". I had my daughter when I was 39, so a bit younger than you, but when she was 3, I was 42, again younger, but still over 40.

    It will keep you young. My daughter is graduating HS this Saturday, and while I am 57 years old, and probably one of the oldest moms amongst her friends, I've felt "alive" for the 17 years I've been her mother. I also have a son who is 25, and I will tell you that being an older mom to a child is much easier for boys..........fewer "hormonal wars" going on, boys tend to be easier once they are older based on my experience.

    I wish you the best that life has to offer, and congrats.
  • Thanks, ladies!  I'm actually pretty well set on a venue.  I'm active in my church, and it's a gorgeous setting, so that's the plan for the ceremony.  Quite likely for the reception, too--it's inexpensive, and small enough to limit the number of guests.  It's important to keep costs down, since a large chunk of my money's going to the adoption, and hubby-to-be has no money.  I've seen favorable reports on the local board for a grocery store that does catering/cakes/flowers, so I'll look into using them for a package deal.

    As for my dress, I have an idea what I want.  My mom made her wedding dress, and I've always had it in mind to make mine, too.  Haven't sewn much in years, so we'll see if that works out.  But I'd like to have something that's uniquely mine!  I've bought a couple of patterns, which I'd like to combine elements of.  It's likely to be another year, or close to it, before the big event happens.  Hopefully time to lose some weight before getting really serious about the dress, lol!  And time to pick a "regular" dress pattern that's somewhat similar, and see how it goes, and whether my idea is realistic.

    I wrote down some thoughts this evening--things I know I want, things I know I *don't* want, etc.  That helps to make it seem a little less overwhelming!

    So, nobody's asked about shoes or cake yet!  I laugh every time I read those things when I'm browsing this board!  Gives a sense of a great community.  Of course, I guess it's probably obvious I haven't gotten as far as shoes and cake yet.  Fur babies, on the other hand, I have!  I'll try to get some pics posted soon.
  • NEW here as well just found the cutetess bridal tee shirts from a young lady Chocolate Girl Tee's post back if you would like her infor. not the same boring bridal Tee's

  • AllisonB724, I made my ceremony dress (in the signature pic below), along with a lace bolero. Send me a Private Message if you want any ideas, help, etc. I mixed 2-3 different patterns, but already had a picture of a dress that I wanted mine to be similar to. I'd be more than happy to help.
  • Allison - definitely post pics of shoes that are in the running!

    And cakes too - we all love cake!
    Anniversary
  • Hi there - I'm in the exact same position. I am adopting a newborn baby girl domestically and have been on a waiting list for almost 3 years, the agency rarely has anyone wait longer than 3 years, so they think I'll be matched very soon - like in the next couple of months. How long have you been waiting? Have you been matched? When do you expect to go get the little one?

    I met my FI two years ago and he knew I was adopting (he has two grown kids - this is his second marriage; I have no kids - this is my first). He's 49, I'm 48. We got engaged 7 weeks ago and he is moving in next weekend. We haven't set a wedding date and are taking it slow - we sort of feel like, getting engaged, moving in together, plus expecting a newborn baby soon was enough for one year.  

    Once he gets settled in, probably in the next month, we'll talk wedding dates - maybe May or June 2013. Originally I thought I'd like a May wedding - yes, here in Chicago, the weather is unpredictable in May - it can be 50 or 80, but it's more likely to be around 65-70 - and more comfortable wearing a heavy, hot dress, better for hair and makeup, etc.  Of course, when we were originally talking hypothetically about this in March, May was 14 months away. But now, it's almost the end of July - if we do a May wedding, it'll only leave me 10 months for planning. And, like you, I'm hoping to get as much planning done before the baby arrives as possible.

    I'm also going to adopt as a single, for the same reasons - I'm so far along and the paperwork would complicate things. We plan to get married and then he'll adopt as a stepparent. But, you're right. It's hard to set a date if we don't know when I'll get the baby and when the adoption will be finalized. I've been told it takes about 6 mos from the time you get the baby for adoption to be finalized in the states.

    If you have any idea of when you'll have your son and an idea of when you'll finalize, couldn't you just set a wedding date giving plenty of leeway, just in case?

    I have been planning my wedding for the last few months - just because we knew that if a baby came along we might not have time to do this stuff. We looked at a bunch of venues and I've started looking at dresses online, I've written out a budget, researched a few vendors for things like Save the Dates, the DJ (a friend), a big band (I swing dance so I already knew them, but got pricing from them), decor ideas, filled out the invite list on MyKnot, etc.

    Like you, my immediate fam is out of state, so I don't have a lot of help or support in planning (my sis is my MOH and bf - but she's also an adoptive single mom by choice and is very busy plus lives in L.A.).   I'm not having a big wedding party - probably just my sis and a flower girl.  I am trying to do what you said - get all the info and just plug it in once we figure out the timing.

    Anyway, if you want to chat offline, send me a PM.
    Leslie
    Daring to dream a bigger dream
  • Hey, everybody!  Didn't realize I'd been away *quite* so long.  Things got extremely busy.  To sum up the last year...

    I went to Russia to meet my little boy last July.  Adopting from Russia is (or was :(  ) a 3-trip process--1 trip to meet, 2nd trip for court, 3rd to pickup the child.  Well, I got all my court dossier paperwork together in September, thought I'd have the little guy home by the end of the year, and decided to set a date for mid-late June 2013.  June 29, it worked out to be.  That seemed like enough time to be safe, that even if things slowed down, I'd be home with my son for a few months before the wedding.

    Well, they asked for more paperwork, and that paperwork went to Russia December 10.  A week later, the Duma proposed a ban on US citizens adopting, and it went through in record time--passed, signed, and went into effect January 1.  I'm still hoping, praying, and fighting to be able to adopt this little boy.  But that may be months, or years, or never.  So, we're sticking with June 29.  We'll just have to figure out how to add FI into the adoption equation if/when it's possible to proceed.

    As of today, the dress is finished!  Well, except for sewing on a hook for the bustle.  I'm very happy with how it turned out, and it's quite a feeling of satisfaction.  Food, flowers, and cake are all coming from the same vendor--though I need to bug them about an estimate on food/cake.  Lots of blue hydrangeas all around.  I wanted to do something to recognize my little boy, so 1 cake will say, "Faith, Hope, Love" in Russian, probably with some forget-me-nots around the edges.  I really like my photographer, and she's excited to shoot a wedding at my church.  Gothic architecture, lots of possibilities.  And the church just fixed up the Bride's Room last year--it will be SO much nicer for getting ready!

    I need to run to Michael's and buy some ribbon now.  Will try to post some pics later.
  • Cake similar to this, but smaller.  image
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