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Money only wedding gifts

janicedrewjanicedrew
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

We are second marriages and already have a home and everything we need.  But we do need a new driveway so we would like donations to our Home Improvement Fund.

Is it appropriate to put a card in with the invitation, stating that we are not registered anywhere and would like cash for our new driveway?

thanks for your comments!

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Re: Money only wedding gifts

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    janicedrew said:

    We are second marriages and already have a home and everything we need.  But we do need a new driveway so we would like donations to our Home Improvement Fund.

    Is it appropriate to put a card in with the invitation, stating that we are not registered anywhere and would like cash for our new driveway?

    thanks for your comments!

    No, it is never appropriate to outright ask people for money for anything. It is also never appropriate to put any kind of registry or non-registry info with a wedding invitation. 



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  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    Yeah, definitely don't put anything about gifts in the invite.

    What you want to do is either have a tiny registry or none at all (of course that means decline any showers you may be offered). Tell the key players (Wedding party, your immediate family, or the family blabbermouth, etc) that you're saving for a driveway. So then if anyone asks them or you where you're registered/what you want, the answer is "Well we have everything we need for the house, but we are saving for a new driveway!"

    So that's how you handle it. Don't register, and mention saving for the driveway if anyone asks. Most people will get the clue. Some people will still choose to give you boxed gifts, but just accept them graciously, use them if you can use them and return them later if you can't.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No, it's never appropriate to mention anything about gifts anywhere on the invitation.  If someone asks where you're registered, you can say you aren't registered but are saving for home improvements.  But, lots of people don't believe in giving money for wedding gifts (I'm one of them), so you should still register somewhere so they will have an idea of what other things you'd like to get. Otherwise you end up risking getting a lot of random stuff you don't like or need because people try to pick things out for you without the guidance of a registry.  Surely you could use some nice new sheets and towels, some upgraded cookware, new blender, a silverware pattern you pick out together, etc.  Your home repairs really aren't anyone's responsibility but yours, and if I knew that's what you wanted money for, I definitely wouldn't contribute to that. Hearing 'we really don't need anything' tells me that I don't need to waste my money on you. I probably want to give you something nice, but you just told me not to.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    To follow up Rebecca's post: yes, some people won't want to give money (which is why I do suggest a tiny registry with various upgrades to linens and such).
    But don't feel guilty about hoping for money for home improvements. It's very common these days for couples to already be living together and/or having most of the household needs. I always want to give a present at the wedding and if I know the couple needs money for a new house / car / honeymoon / etc (assuming I found out in a tasteful way) I'm happy to give cash and I assume others out there do feel the same way.

    If you can accept the fact that you might get some presents you don't want, and you might not get any presents from some people you otherwise would have, then I think you're fine saying you're saving for home improvements if asked. Good luck!
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  • janicedrewjanicedrew
    First Comment

    Thanks!  I agree with all of you but my Fiancee was pushing for the note in the invite but I did not feel right so told him I would post and get other opinions.

     

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  • wiki8wiki8 member
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    RebeccaB88 said:
    No, it's never appropriate to mention anything about gifts anywhere on the invitation.  If someone asks where you're registered, you can say you aren't registered but are saving for home improvements.  But, lots of people don't believe in giving money for wedding gifts (I'm one of them), so you should still register somewhere so they will have an idea of what other things you'd like to get. Otherwise you end up risking getting a lot of random stuff you don't like or need because people try to pick things out for you without the guidance of a registry.  Surely you could use some nice new sheets and towels, some upgraded cookware, new blender, a silverware pattern you pick out together, etc.  Your home repairs really aren't anyone's responsibility but yours, and if I knew that's what you wanted money for, I definitely wouldn't contribute to that. Hearing 'we really don't need anything' tells me that I don't need to waste my money on you. I probably want to give you something nice, but you just told me not to.
    I agree it's never appropriate to put registry info with the invitation. Also if you have a small registry or no registry at all your guests will get the hint that you would prefer a monetary gift.

    However the bolded seems a bit much. I don't think giving a wedding gift is a waste of money. If you are close enough to someone to go to their wedding, then you are close enough to give them something you can afford. If you think it's a waste, you probably shouldn't be going to their wedding.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    janicedrew said:

    We are second marriages and already have a home and everything we need.  But we do need a new driveway so we would like donations to our Home Improvement Fund.

    Is it appropriate to put a card in with the invitation, stating that we are not registered anywhere and would like cash for our new driveway?

    thanks for your comments!

    You don't have everything you need. You need money for a new driveway.

    Just use what ever cash gifts you get towards your driveway. You don't need to tell people beforehand what their money is going towards.
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
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    Lord have mercy. No, Sweetie it isn't.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    Blue_Bird said:
    Lord have mercy. No, Sweetie it isn't.

    Seriously. This. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No, it's never appropriate to mention gifts in any way in an invitation, including any kind of "no gifts" message.
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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
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    janicedrew said:

    We are second marriages and already have a home and everything we need.  But we do need a new driveway so we would like donations to our Home Improvement Fund.

    Is it appropriate to put a card in with the invitation, stating that we are not registered anywhere and would like cash for our new driveway?

    thanks for your comments!

    Are you a charity?  I didn't think so.  Please do not solicit "donations" (or any other gift for that matter) from your guests.  It is super rude to do so.
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment

    Agree w/ the ladies above, there is no polite way to say it.

    Don't register for a lot, and register at a place like Home Depot (if they have a registry) so people get the "home improvement" gist. And, word of mouth can work even better than the internet, so it's fine for your friends to mention it if they're asked.

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