irritating bridal behavior

thisismynickname2 · June 2013

Hi there,

Just coming on to be snarky and vent. I titled this "bridal behavior" as the woman is currently a bride-to-be, but honestly her behavior has gotten under my skin for a decade now.

1. She moved out of state a couple years back, where she met the man she's about to marry. They had a baby first, and she came back to my area for a baby shower since this is where most of her friends and family still reside. The pregnancy was unplanned. The baby website she created contained words to the effect of, "We're learning how expensive babies are so maybe you could team up with someone else to buy the more expensive items on our registry." and, "In order to save on shipping costs, please ship your gift to our house and bring a picture of the gift to the shower to save us money and effort getting everything home."

This got many of us riled up. It's the concept that yes, you're going to receive presents but it's a breach of etiquette to dictate how people buy your gifts. Would some people come to the logical conclusion that shipping to their home is better? And would some conclude that they could team up to buy larger gifts? Of course! But let the guests figure that out; ordering them to do so came across so.... tacky. Obviously, "We're learning how expensive babies are," really upset a lot of us. The whole event came across more as, "We accidentally got pregnant and now need everyone else to buy us stuff", instead of a celebration of a new life.

2. I'm not a bridesmaid in the wedding, but a close friend of mine is. I spent my weekend helping said bridesmaid prepare to host the local bridal shower. The shower invitation again said, but in much more polite verbiage, to consider shipping the gifts directly to the couples' home. Before the event, other bridesmaids came over to help prepare. They were all stressed, and put much work into hosting a beautiful event. The punchline: The bride showed up hungover. She barely was able to talk to people. On behalf of the bridesmaids, I was livid. I saw how much work went into the event and it's the like the bride couldn't care less because she was so hungover as to barely function. Rude and tacky!

Thanks for listening....!

CallaLily25 · June 2013

I'd be irritated too! She's sounds entitled.

QueerFemme · June 2013

thisismynickname said:

Hi there,
Just coming on to be snarky and vent. I titled this "bridal behavior" as the woman is currently a bride-to-be, but honestly her behavior has gotten under my skin for a decade now.

1. She moved out of state a couple years back, where she met the man she's about to marry. They had a baby first, and she came back to my area for a baby shower since this is where most of her friends and family still reside. The pregnancy was unplanned. The baby website she created contained words to the effect of, "We're learning how expensive babies are so maybe you could team up with someone else to buy the more expensive items on our registry." and, "In order to save on shipping costs, please ship your gift to our house and bring a picture of the gift to the shower to save us money and effort getting everything home."
This got many of us riled up. It's the concept that yes, you're going to receive presents but it's a breach of etiquette to dictate how people buy your gifts. Would some people come to the logical conclusion that shipping to their home is better? And would some conclude that they could team up to buy larger gifts? Of course! But let the guests figure that out; ordering them to do so came across so.... tacky. Obviously, "We're learning how expensive babies are," really upset a lot of us. The whole event came across more as, "We accidentally got pregnant and now need everyone else to buy us stuff", instead of a celebration of a new life.

2. I'm not a bridesmaid in the wedding, but a close friend of mine is. I spent my weekend helping said bridesmaid prepare to host the local bridal shower. The shower invitation again said, but in much more polite verbiage, to consider shipping the gifts directly to the couples' home. Before the event, other bridesmaids came over to help prepare. They were all stressed, and put much work into hosting a beautiful event. The punchline: The bride showed up hungover. She barely was able to talk to people. On behalf of the bridesmaids, I was livid. I saw how much work went into the event and it's the like the bride couldn't care less because she was so hungover as to barely function. Rude and tacky!

Thanks for listening....!

I think she sounds like an asshole. But, if she gets under your skin so bad, why are you still friend with her? Why would you assist or even attend the shower? that doesn't make any sense to me.

thisismynickname2 · June 2013

To cmgilpin... In answer to your question, I struggle with that. A lot. I stay friends out of guilt, I guess. I keep my distance, but we have some close mutual friends so she's unavoidable.

I actually plan to cut ties with her after her wedding and have no intention of inviting her to mine next year. This was the last straw. She's great in a lot of other ways but her transgressions just.... aughhhh.

itzMS · June 2013

thisismynickname said:

To cmgilpin... In answer to your question, I struggle with that. A lot. I stay friends out of guilt, I guess. I keep my distance, but we have some close mutual friends so she's unavoidable.

I actually plan to cut ties with her after her wedding and have no intention of inviting her to mine next year. This was the last straw. She's great in a lot of other ways but her transgressions just.... aughhhh.

@thisismynickname Do you mind sharing how old your "friend" is? Her behavior sounds like that of an 18-22 year old (generally speaking). If she is older than that...it's honestly really concerning.

TBH, I wouldn't have even attended any of her showers or her wedding. If I did, you bet your britches I would've brought a boxed gift with me. ;-)

lisabeats · June 2013

itzMS said:

thisismynickname said:

To cmgilpin... In answer to your question, I struggle with that. A lot. I stay friends out of guilt, I guess. I keep my distance, but we have some close mutual friends so she's unavoidable.

I actually plan to cut ties with her after her wedding and have no intention of inviting her to mine next year. This was the last straw. She's great in a lot of other ways but her transgressions just.... aughhhh.

@thisismynickname Do you mind sharing how old your "friend" is? Her behavior sounds like that of an 18-22 year old (generally speaking). If she is older than that...it's honestly really concerning.

TBH, I wouldn't have even attended any of her showers or her wedding. If I did, you bet your britches I would've brought a boxed gift with me. ;-)

Personally, I find this concerning of anyone over the age of ~12.

QueerFemme · June 2013

thisismynickname said:

To cmgilpin... In answer to your question, I struggle with that. A lot. I stay friends out of guilt, I guess. I keep my distance, but we have some close mutual friends so she's unavoidable.

I actually plan to cut ties with her after her wedding and have no intention of inviting her to mine next year. This was the last straw. She's great in a lot of other ways but her transgressions just.... aughhhh.

Honestly, cut ties with her now. You don't need to attend any more prewedding events or the wedding. You clearly don't like this person, so cut your losses. then, you will be happier and she won't have to pay for your plate at the wedding.

jennylee813 · June 2013

I agree with PPs. You don't need this rude/tacky person in your life. She sounds horrible and entitled, and you will be much better off without her in your circle of friends.

I feel bad for her bridesmaids.

Angelface225 · June 2013

Your post comes off as being really judgmental that she had an unplanned pregnancy. I can understand being upset at the etiquette breaches and her behaviour, but unplanned babies happen alot.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

rel1988 · June 2013

My friend is having her baby shower next Friday...she is also from OOT and requested we bring pictures only and have the items shipped directly to them. I get it, but it's still pretty annoying. It makes me not want to go to the shower because we aren't going to be doing anything since there's no gifts.

Also she also called me flipping out because her FMIL and FSIL weren't "putting enough time" into the shower and she was pissed they mailed out the invites you buy in a pack and hand write vs more expensive printed ones. Some people just are so ungrateful.

mssprissy · June 2013

...if you do not like someone, why go to thier wedding and hug them like they are your friend? Thats is very two-faced tbh...

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

that's just rude of her - we're adults, and as much as I love to have fun and do occasionally get hungover, control yourself the night before an important event.

SMH at this.

MoonlightSilver · June 2013

Um, the bridesmaid (as host) should have been the one to create and issue invitations, so she had complete control over what it said, not the bride. Why are you upset at the bride about this?

thisismynickname2 · June 2013

A few answers to questions and comments...

The bride is 28.

I'm not judging the unplanned pregnancy, I'm judging how she handled the shower. We should have been celebrating, but it came across as, "YOU HAVE to buy me presents because I can't afford this baby." We would have happily given her stuff for the baby, but being ordered to give (or feeling like you're being ordered to) is a whole other ball game. (One of my very closest friends also had an unplanned baby, and we couldn't wait to throw that shower.)

Given that the bride made the original request for shipping presents for the baby shower, seeing it on the bridal shower invite wasn't unexpected regardless of the fact that the bridesmaid sent the invites. I'm positive that wasn't her idea since the trend was set at the baby shower.

It does seem a bit two-faced to attend when I'm annoyed with her, but she does have great qualities that make me like her. She's smart, funny, and can be a good friend when she tries.. It's like the concept of family; you love your family but don't always like them? Anyway, I'd already RSVP'd to the event by the time this recent shower offense occurred. I can't back out; hotel reservations and plane tickets were already purchased. It's just at this point, that behavior is the straw that breaks the camel's back; I want to keep my distance from now on.

saro2109 · June 2013

Good luck.......... sounds like you and the maids will need it.

binzy · June 2013

I have a friend like this--can be great when she tries, but can also be really self-centered/entitled/immature/etc. I found that a year or people giving her a lot of attention only made her egocentric behavior worse. But I didn't really want to cut off ties completely. My (kinda obvious) advice: make yourself busy enough that you are not spending a lot of time with her. If you see her less she won't get on your nerves. Also, she'll behave better when she sees you. And try not to spend as much time as you may want bashing her with your friends, because it will only make you madder!

irritating bridal behavior

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