Chit Chat

Everyone wants to walk me down the aisle.

CarolinaHeartCarolinaHeart
100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
member
edited June 2013 in Chit Chat
Well, not everyone but I am feeling a little overwhelmed.  I discussed this with my two older, married sisters but they aren't overly etiquette savvy so, while I value their opinions I don't necessarily know that they are right.

My dad, my BIL and my grandfather have all expressed that they would like to give me away.  I really really just want to walk alone.

I have always wanted my grandmother to walk me down the aisle.  She raised me and my sisters and there has never been anyone more dear to my heart. Unfortunately, she passed away this past year.

Both my parents stepped in and out of my life as it pleased their drug habits while I was growing up. This is why I do not want my father to walk with me. Despite his past I was a bit of a daddy's girl and (provided he is still sober at the time of my wedding) want him to attend as a guest.

After my grandmother died my BIL offered to walk with me. I thought this was sweet as we're very close but I declined. Not only had I already decided to walk alone, but I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings as silly as that may seem.

Here comes the real question.
My grandfather called me today solely to ask who was walking me down the aisle.  I was so floored by this I responded that I didn't know yet.  I know he wanted me to ask him but honestly the idea had never crossed my mind. At. All. 

I know he means well but my mothers parents were always pretty distance growing up.  They are more "buy your love" type of people.  They have offered FI and I the amazing gift of paying for most of our wedding. We could not be more appreciative. But I still feel like if anyone gives me away it should have been my grandmother. And since she can't I'd rather walk alone.

Now, I know he who pays has the say. Does this apply to walking down the aisle? Would it be out of line for me decline and say I'd just like to walk myself?
Or do I just have to get over it and let him walk with me?

ETA: I hope this doesn't get me scolded for being ignorant... "/

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Re: Everyone wants to walk me down the aisle.

  • It's your wedding day.  If you want to walk alone, it should be your choice, regardless of who paid for it.  You don't want to look back on this day and regret who walked you down the isle.  
    Married April 27th 2012
    CLoGreenEyes
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I don't think the saying "who pays has the say" applies to who walks you down the aisle. If you want to walk yourself down the aisle (a perfectly acceptable choice) then the next time anyone brings it up tell them that's the plan.


    harper0813CLoGreenEyess-aries8990
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Would they understand if you told them you were walking alone because you just didn't want to have to choose one person over another?
    CLoGreenEyesBostonGIrl4732cwaggoner07
  • Walk by yourself. Paying gives a say in many things, but not who you walk next to, who you pick as bridesmaids, or what you wear for underwear.
    MairePoppyefmcc67
  • wittykitty14wittykitty14
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited June 2013
    Well, not everyone but I am feeling a little overwhelmed.  I discussed this with my two older, married sisters but they aren't overly etiquette savvy so, while I value their opinions I don't necessarily know that they are right.

    My dad, my BIL and my grandfather have all expressed that they would like to give me away.  I really really just want to walk alone.

    I have always wanted my grandmother to walk me down the aisle.  She raised me and my sisters and there has never been anyone more dear to my heart. Unfortunately, she passed away this past year.

    Both my parents stepped in and out of my life as it pleased their drug habits while I was growing up. This is why I do not want my father to walk with me. Despite his past I was a bit of a daddy's girl and (provided he is still sober at the time of my wedding) want him to attend as a guest.

    After my grandmother died my BIL offered to walk with me. I thought this was sweet as we're very close but I declined. Not only had I already decided to walk alone, but I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings as silly as that may seem.

    Here comes the real question.
    My grandfather called me today solely to ask who was walking me down the aisle.  I was so floored by this I responded that I didn't know yet.  I know he wanted me to ask him but honestly the idea had never crossed my mind. At. All. 

    I know he means well but my mothers parents were always pretty distance growing up.  They are more "buy your love" type of people.  They have offered FI and I the amazing gift of paying for most of our wedding. We could not be more appreciative. But I still feel like if anyone gives me away it should have been my grandmother. And since she can't I'd rather walk alone.

    Now, I know he who pays has the say. Does this apply to walking down the aisle? Would it be out of line for me decline and say I'd just like to walk myself?
    Or do I just have to get over it and let him walk with me?

    ETA: I hope this doesn't get me scolded for being ignorant... "/
    Those bolds are your answer right there.  This is one of the few things that is 100% your decision.  It's not up to who's paying, what your family wants, or even what FI suggests.  This decision is entirely YOURS to make.  It sounds like you've made up your mind, and it will be lovely :)

    ETA: Just be firm with these people (but still polite of course).  "Thank you for the offer, but I've decided to walk myself down".  You don't owe them any explanation.  If you want, you could say "I can't imagine myself walking down the aisle with anyone else but grandma, so I'm just going to walk alone".  That's all you need to say if they press you for more information.  Good luck!
  • I 100% agree with PPs. You are absolutely entitled to the choice of who walks you down the aisle - even if that "who" is no one. Ignore the pressure. It's your choice - no matter who's paying for the wedding.

  • edited June 2013
    s/he who pays gets a say only applies to things that are being paid for (e.g. mother's parents are paying for reception so they ultimately decide if alcohol is served or not). There is also no "etiquette" on who should walk you down the aisle. There is "tradition", but tradition =/= etiquette. You would not be considered rude no matter what you decide. 

    This is a personal decision that has absolutely nothing to do with money or manners. It sounds like you want to walk alone. Walk alone and think about your grandmother. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • It sounds like you know what you want to do.  Be polite about it and you'll be golden!


    southernbelle0915

  • I'll walk you.
    Can we draw straws?

    I'm sorry, but as soon as I read the thread title I got this image in my head:

    image
    image
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    CarolinaHeart

  • I'll walk you.
    Can we draw straws?

    I'm sorry, but as soon as I read the thread title I got this image in my head:

    image
    Problem solved, OP! You're welcome!

    That'll be $100000.
    image
    CarolinaHeartsouthernbelle0915
  • image

    To all of you. For giving me your appreciated input and then for making me laugh. 

    Also. @CourtaniaLynn do you accept bits of string or is that strictly in USD?


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  • I'll walk you.
    Can we draw straws?

    I'm sorry, but as soon as I read the thread title I got this image in my head:

    image
    Problem solved, OP! You're welcome!

    That'll be $100000.
    Now wait a second...don't you think you should share some of that with me? ;)
    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • I'll walk you.
    Can we draw straws?

    I'm sorry, but as soon as I read the thread title I got this image in my head:

    image
    Problem solved, OP! You're welcome!

    That'll be $100000.
    Now wait a second...don't you think you should share some of that with me? ;)
    Well, do you want some bits of string? :P
    image

  • I'll walk you.
    Can we draw straws?

    I'm sorry, but as soon as I read the thread title I got this image in my head:

    image
    Problem solved, OP! You're welcome!

    That'll be $100000.
    Now wait a second...don't you think you should share some of that with me? ;)
    Well, do you want some bits of string? :P
    Sure, I guess my cat will enjoy them if nothing else.

    Oh wait.

    I don't have a cat.

    image
    image
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  • Poor Tobias.

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  • Poor Tobias.
    Indeed. But what about me?! I still don't have a cat...

    Could you pay me in cats instead of bits of string?
    image
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    Dreamergirl8812
  • Poor Tobias.
    Indeed. But what about me?! I still don't have a cat...

    Could you pay me in cats instead of bits of string?
    Nobody ever pays me in cats...
    image
  • Poor Tobias.
    Indeed. But what about me?! I still don't have a cat...

    Could you pay me in cats instead of bits of string?
    Of course, of course.

    Your first installment.
    image

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  • Poor Tobias.
    Indeed. But what about me?! I still don't have a cat...

    Could you pay me in cats instead of bits of string?
    Of course, of course.

    Your first installment.
    image
    :D A gif kitty is better than no kitty.
    image
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  • True story: I spent 20 minutes trying to convince my mom to adopt a cat today. DH says we can't have one unless the pup consents to having a sibling.  :P
    image

  • True story: I spent 20 minutes trying to convince my mom to adopt a cat today. DH says we can't have one unless the pup consents to having a sibling.  :P
    It can be so dicey bringing a pet into a home where at least one critter is already well-established...but it's hard to remember that when you're bonding with a cat at an adoption drive. Yes, I speak from experience. Ugh...if I ever volunteer for an animal shelter again I will need to find some cuteness armor first.
    image
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  • True story: I spent 20 minutes trying to convince my mom to adopt a cat today. DH says we can't have one unless the pup consents to having a sibling.  :P
    It can be so dicey bringing a pet into a home where at least one critter is already well-established...but it's hard to remember that when you're bonding with a cat at an adoption drive. Yes, I speak from experience. Ugh...if I ever volunteer for an animal shelter again I will need to find some cuteness armor first.
    They don't make cuteness armor in my size (size: obsessed)
    image
  • jss0302 said:

    True story: I spent 20 minutes trying to convince my mom to adopt a cat today. DH says we can't have one unless the pup consents to having a sibling.  :P
    It can be so dicey bringing a pet into a home where at least one critter is already well-established...but it's hard to remember that when you're bonding with a cat at an adoption drive. Yes, I speak from experience. Ugh...if I ever volunteer for an animal shelter again I will need to find some cuteness armor first.
    They don't make cuteness armor in my size (size: obsessed)

    My sister is no longer allowed to volunteer at the humane society. She came home with a dog both times! Needless to say, she had to find other ways to help them out.
    This would be my problem.  The apartment FI & I are in doesn't allow dogs, but I still look at shelters and want to adopt more than is reasonable.  Which, as I learned in Bridesmaids, is more than 6 dogs per person haha.
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    TKzilla
  • jss0302 said:

    True story: I spent 20 minutes trying to convince my mom to adopt a cat today. DH says we can't have one unless the pup consents to having a sibling.  :P
    It can be so dicey bringing a pet into a home where at least one critter is already well-established...but it's hard to remember that when you're bonding with a cat at an adoption drive. Yes, I speak from experience. Ugh...if I ever volunteer for an animal shelter again I will need to find some cuteness armor first.
    They don't make cuteness armor in my size (size: obsessed)

    My sister is no longer allowed to volunteer at the humane society. She came home with a dog both times! Needless to say, she had to find other ways to help them out.
    This would be my problem.  The apartment FI & I are in doesn't allow dogs, but I still look at shelters and want to adopt more than is reasonable.  Which, as I learned in Bridesmaids, is more than 6 dogs per person haha.
    image
    image
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    Anastasia517
  • jss0302 said:

    My sister is no longer allowed to volunteer at the humane society. She came home with a dog both times! Needless to say, she had to find other ways to help them out.
    This would be my problem.  The apartment FI & I are in doesn't allow dogs, but I still look at shelters and want to adopt more than is reasonable.  Which, as I learned in Bridesmaids, is more than 6 dogs per person haha.
    image
    This actually made me laugh out loud.  I didn't really have a preference, but FI & I have been together for five years and I fell in love with his family's big, rescue mutt.  Then they got another one who was still a puppy and now there's no going back!
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