Getting my nephews down the aisle.

Jen4948 · May 2013

drexelkathy said:

Welcome to the knot...there are some ladies here who will object to many of your ideas....and others who will try to help you find an answer to having your vision come to life. Like on any online forum, take what you need and leave the rest. To answer your question....have you given any thought to having a wagon, etc for the little ones?

2 problems with a wagon: 1) Some venues may not permit them, especially houses of worship, and 2) someone has to drag the toddlers up and down the aisle. Not a good idea.

Jen4948 · May 2013

dammitkrystyn said:

It's really more like someone asking about where they could find a sectional couch they plan to put in their home and you responding with "do not buy a sectional. They take up too much space and it's rude because it makes people feel like they have to sit next to each other." It's utterly useless to the OP to tell them not to do something.

Whether or not it's useless to the OP, nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to post unless they are a moderator. If you or the OP don't want to hear what we have to say, and that includes "don't," then don't post here. It's not up to you or her to decide how we should respond.

And you know something else? We could have responded with "how" and she still might have found it "useless" because for some reason it wasn't what she was looking for. It's also not up to you to decide what is "useful" or "useless."

Shelby1723 · May 2013

I don't necessarily agree with the posts that are saying that they are too young. At a recent wedding I attended, the bride made sure to have the ring bearer and the best man bond and hang out at the rehearsal dinner the night before and then the day of afternoon while all the men got ready. Right before the ring bearer walks down the aisle, tell him to bring the ring pillow or box down the aisle to his new Best Man buddy. The ring bearer was so excited to see his friend he walked/skipped down the aisle perfectly and had that cute factor too!

Shelby1723 · May 2013

After reading all of the responses to your questions, I am also surprised at the responses from all of the extremely uptight people saying how rude it is for you to "use" children. That's ridiculous, I would definitely disagree with that! You want the people who matter in your life to be a part of you and your fiances big day. I was in my aunts wedding when I was 3 years old and even if I don't remember the day, I love being able to look back at their pictures and videos and see that my Aunt loved me so much that she wanted me to be a part of her day. Although I was a shy kid, I got down the aisle just fine and was not scarred for the rest of my life! I generally wouldn't say anything about it, but come on....just because you wouldn't do it yourself doesn't mean its wrong. Giving your feedback or opinion is great, but just remember that it's just that...YOUR OPINION, there is no reason to be so rude about it.

Jen4948 · May 2013

Shelby1723 said:

After reading all of the responses to your questions, I am also surprised at the responses from all of the extremely uptight people saying how rude it is for you to "use" children. That's ridiculous, I would definitely disagree with that! You want the people who matter in your life to be a part of you and your fiances big day. I was in my aunts wedding when I was 3 years old and even if I don't remember the day, I love being able to look back at their pictures and videos and see that my Aunt loved me so much that she wanted me to be a part of her day. Although I was a shy kid, I got down the aisle just fine and was not scarred for the rest of my life! I generally wouldn't say anything about it, but come on....just because you wouldn't do it yourself doesn't mean its wrong. Giving your feedback or opinion is great, but just remember that it's just that...YOUR OPINION, there is no reason to be so rude about it.

Shelby, disagreeing is not being "uptight." If we don't think something is a good idea, we will say so, along with why. That doesn't make anyone "rude" or "uptight."

And many of us do feel that putting a child who is not old enough to get down the aisle on his or her own, and who is not intellectually mature enough to understand what's going on, just for the "cuteness" of it, is "using" that child. Children aren't props. Whether or not they appreciate it later is not the point-the point is what's happening now.

It is fine for children of all ages to be in group wedding photos-just not in the ceremonies where they don't understand what's going on, and is not part of their normal routine, just for the "cuteness" of it. "Cuteness" in and of itself is not a good reason to overlook that they would be doing something they would have no familiarity with, are in a setting and surrounded by people they don't know, and wearing clothes they don't normally wear and may not be comfortable in. And if all that causes them to have a meltdown, it isn't "cute" or "adorable."

KaySea6213 · May 2013

I don't know about you, but I don't know many small children whose routine normally includes being told to stand still and smile for pictures with a bunch of people they may or may not know. I think when a child is just in pictures that makes them "props." They can't take part in your special day because it may not go perfectly with them in it, but they can look cute in your photos? That's rude.

Jen4948 · May 2013

dammitkrystyn said:

I don't know about you, but I don't know many small children whose routine normally includes being told to stand still and smile for pictures with a bunch of people they may or may not know. I think when a child is just in pictures that makes them "props." They can't take part in your special day because it may not go perfectly with them in it, but they can look cute in your photos? That's rude.

I don't think a child in pictures with other family members is there entirely for the cuteness-he's there because he's a family member. But if s/he's not old enough to get him/herself down the aisle and back and doesn't understand the ceremony, but s/he's in the ceremony anyway, s/he is there for the cuteness factor and is being used as a prop. I agree with you that that's rude.

KaySea6213 · May 2013

No I said it's rude to include them in your pictures, but not allow them in the ceremony because it may not go perfectly. You're using them for their "cuteness" plain and simple.

Regardless, I'm done fighting with you Jen. Clearly neither of us is budging and it's okay to disagree.

Jen4948 · May 2013

dammitkrystyn said:

No I said it's rude to include them in your pictures, but not allow them in the ceremony because it may not go perfectly. You're using them for their "cuteness" plain and simple. Regardless, I'm done fighting with you Jen. Clearly neither of us is budging and it's okay to disagree.

I don't think we were arguing, just staking out positions. I myself wouldn't have small kids there at all, but at least in my family, that's a lost cause and I'd prefer to pick my battles.

So I would pick the "participation in ceremony" as being more problematic and less desirable because that involves more than just posing for pictures-the kid also has to get up and down the aisle, refrain from putting anything in his or her mouth, refrain from crying, etc., and I agree that that's asking too much. When it comes to photos, though, I'd be fine with a few-not a whole bunch.

karakaroo · May 2013

I used to be a caterer. At one point, a 2 year old was the flower girl. She got off the carriage (yes, it was that kind of venue), spun around, and threw herself in the grass and refused to walk. I don't know how the bride took it, but I thought that it was hilarious and adorable. Her mom sort of picked her up and walked her down the aisle and that was that. Not the end of the world, not even a big deal at all - as long as you're ready for that sort of thing.

I think it would have been easier to bribe her with a lollipop, but that's just me. My flower girl is going to be 3, she's a little shy. I plan on having the ring bearer (6 years old) hold her hand and walk her down the aisle.

Jen4948 · May 2013

karakaroo said:

I used to be a caterer. At one point, a 2 year old was the flower girl. She got off the carriage (yes, it was that kind of venue), spun around, and threw herself in the grass and refused to walk. I don't know how the bride took it, but I thought that it was hilarious and adorable. Her mom sort of picked her up and walked her down the aisle and that was that. Not the end of the world, not even a big deal at all - as long as you're ready for that sort of thing.

I think it would have been easier to bribe her with a lollipop, but that's just me. My flower girl is going to be 3, she's a little shy. I plan on having the ring bearer (6 years old) hold her hand and walk her down the aisle.

That doesn't sound "hilarious" or "adorable" to me-it sounds like a too young flower girl who was not mature enough to cope with what was expected of her-and really kind of mean to the two year old.

KaySea6213 · July 2013

Post-wedding update - the three two-year-olds in my wedding (two FGs and a RB) did really well. They got 75% down the asile, holding hands (all by themselves) before they stopped walking. They waved, threw flowers and eventually found their ways to their parents/grandparents encouraging them at the end of aisle. They were incredible sweet and adorable - and all had a blast!

I was prepared for a meltdown, but they were all smiles all day long. I'm sure this isn't the norm, but for any future lurkers my advice stands:

Make sure they are comfortable in their outfits
Make it fun - Your wedding day is supposed to be a happy day. As long as you are happy, everyone around you (i.e. family and WP) is happy and the kids are comfortable in their clothing, they'll be happy too!
Don't forget nap time! Even if they miss a big event at the reception or if they're snoozing for pre-wedding photos - don't forget how important nap time can be in affecting their entire day!
Practice - Even if your rehearsal is days before, they'll remember. So practice! (Mine did the exact same thing at the rehearsal as they did in the wedding (i.e. Held hands and walked down the aisle together, then found their seats by their grandparents.))

And remember: If you want the day to go perfectly, don't put a small child in your wedding party.

Getting my nephews down the aisle.

Re: Getting my nephews down the aisle.

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