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to invite out of town guests to shower or not?

megra03megra03 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties

I am preparing my shower invite list to hand off to my MOH.  I have cousins that live across the country - clearly they will not be making it to the shower- and I only have heard that 1 has booked a flight for the wedding so far.  My mom is telling me I should send them an invite anyways (so they don't feel left out and know where I am registered).  I feel like this seems a little gift-grabby.  What do you think?  How did you handle out of town guests with shower invites??

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Re: to invite out of town guests to shower or not?

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This can be a slippery slope, but when it involves immediate family, it is best to err on the side of caution.  

    Send invitations to the cousins.  They can decide whether they want to send a gift.  Receiving an invitation is not tantamount to sending a gift.  

    We had several out of town relatives as well.  One great aunt, who we knew for certain would not be able to attend the shower or wedding, was absolutely adamant she receive invitations to both.  The issue of feeling "left out" is a legitimate one.  


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Well, don't invite people just to let them know where you're registered, because that looks grabby.  Invite them because you really want them to come.  If you really don't want them to come, don't invite them-regardless of where they live.

    But I don't think you need to invite a long-distance guest just to keep them from feeling "left out."  That's pushing it.


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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd recommend you do invite them. We included all OOT mom, gmas, cousins, aunts. Not one person that couldn't make it sent a gift.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    RetreadBride said:
    Skip it, unless they're very close relatives, such as grandmothers, who might be offended.

    It looks like a gift grab when it's obvious that they can't come.

    Sending a WEDDING invitation is an obvious courtesy; sending a SHOWER invitation doesn't look like an attempt to "include." It looks like fishing.
    I disagree.  "Close relatives" is a relative term (no pun intended).  My children have an extremely limited relationship with their paternal grandparents, but are extremely close with their first cousins. The girl cousins in particular made a point of having me promise to tell them as soon as a shower date was set.  Two of three OOT cousins made a point to attend the shower.  Of those unable to attend, some sent gifts and others did not.  


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  • GB520GB520 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think it's appropriate to send them invites. If you don't they could have hurt feelings. It isn't gift grabby. they can decline and say it's too far but send a cArd or gift.
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  • GB520GB520 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    They aren't required to do anything. just because you send an invitation doesn't me a you are looking for a gift. I think it would be a different story if you haven't spoken to your ex college roommate in 2 years and then invite them out of the blue. People who are important in your life will want to celebrate your happiness. There's no need to feel bad.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    GB520 said:
    They aren't required to do anything. just because you send an invitation doesn't me a you are looking for a gift. I think it would be a different story if you haven't spoken to your ex college roommate in 2 years and then invite them out of the blue. People who are important in your life will want to celebrate your happiness. There's no need to feel bad.
    Showers are inherently gift-giving occasions, so sending an invitation to a shower does indeed mean you want a gift from that person.
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  • HannahMawrHannahMawr
    First Comment
    I didn't send shower invitations to anyone out of town, or make a point of telling anyone about the shower, but still got shower gifts from three members of my fiance's family who weren't invited. Take that how you will.
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