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I need some advice Pleeease!!!

tiffanyraineytiffanyrainey
in Snarky Brides
Okay, I need a non-biases opinion... please.  I'm getting married August 10th, and starting over a week ago I had a dream about my ex, that I wanted to be with him more than my fiance...  and then I felt that way when I woke up!!! Ever since I've had anxiety about getting married and almost panic when thinking about the actual act of getting married and being committed for eternity.  I'm mortified about this and don't want to tell anyone I know... ESPECIALLY my fiance...  I've just told people I'm feeling nervous about things, when in reality I feel on the verge of having a panic attack... and I'm normally a really chill person :(  I love my fiance so much.  He's so kind and loving and I don't want to hurt him by calling things off, and I know I will regret it... But at the same time, I've been anxious every day, and I don't know how to make it go away!  Is there anyone out there who had jitters this bad, but things ended up working out??? I just need to know that it will go away, cuz I can't live like this.  Thx!
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Re: I need some advice Pleeease!!!

  • arae81arae81 member
    5 Love Its First Comment

    Questions: Why is your ex.... your ex? How is your fiance a better man than your ex?

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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Another question: is there anything SUBSTANTIAL you would change about your FI?

    I'm not talking more trivial things like he is bad about putting dirty clothes in the hamper or occasionally cracks terrible jokes or even says something insensitive time to time. But is there anything about who he is as a person that you want to change?

    My mom asked me that after I got engaged and I couldn't come up with anything. If I were to look for someone else, I'd look for someone almost exactly like him.
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Were you having any thoughts about your ex before this dream?  If the answer is no, then I would stop worrying about it.  I think the dream just stirred you up a bit.  Sometimes dreams can be an accurate reflection of what's going on deep in our heads.  Sometimes I swear they're just there to start some crap.  

    But if the answer is yes, then I'd like if you could let us know a little more about what was going through your head before the dream.  Want to give us some more info?

    Weddings can be a stressful time, as are all life-chaning situations, even the good ones.  Try to relax.  You love your fiance very much, I can tell.  Try not to read too much into this dream.  :)
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  • smbenevides1989smbenevides1989 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2013

    Dreams about exs are actually your mind bringing you back to a "happy time" in a sense of a time you had no stress about any major celebrations coming along.

    I used to have consistant dreams of my ex wanting me back prior to my daughter was born (my daughter is with my fiance, not my him). Having a baby was a stressfull time in my life, and my brain decided it was the best time to think of the "before stress" time in my life.

    It's just a dream and the feeling of shock will go away. Nothing to it.

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  • AllieBear725AllieBear725 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Okay, I need a non-biases opinion... please.  I'm getting married August 10th, and starting over a week ago I had a dream about my ex, that I wanted to be with him more than my fiance...  and then I felt that way when I woke up!!! Ever since I've had anxiety about getting married and almost panic when thinking about the actual act of getting married and being committed for eternity.  I'm mortified about this and don't want to tell anyone I know... ESPECIALLY my fiance...  I've just told people I'm feeling nervous about things, when in reality I feel on the verge of having a panic attack... and I'm normally a really chill person :(  I love my fiance so much.  He's so kind and loving and I don't want to hurt him by calling things off, and I know I will regret it... But at the same time, I've been anxious every day, and I don't know how to make it go away!  Is there anyone out there who had jitters this bad, but things ended up working out??? I just need to know that it will go away, cuz I can't live like this.  Thx!
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    smbenevides1989 said:

    Dreams about exs are actually your mind bringing you back to a "happy time" in a sense of a time you had no stress about any major celebrations coming along.

    I used to have consistant dreams of my ex wanting me back prior to my daughter was born (my daughter is with my fiance, not my him). Having a baby was a stressfull time in my life, and my brain decided it was the best time to think of the "before stress" time in my life.

    It's just a dream and the feeling of shock will go away. Nothing to it.

    Is this a scientific fact? If so, I learned something today - that dreams with my ex(es) are to bring me to a happy place during stressful times with my FI... I don't think a paragraph from an internet stranger can be resolved with this blanket explanation.
    arae81 said:

    Questions: Why is your ex.... your ex? How is your fiance a better man than your ex?

    This. Don't be afraid to explore this question.
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  • smbenevides1989smbenevides1989 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I think I read it somewhere based on dreams. I'll google it later to be sure. It's been a long time since I read it though. My daughter is 3 already.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    LingerLonger1 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    smbenevides1989 said:

    Dreams about exs are actually your mind bringing you back to a "happy time" in a sense of a time you had no stress about any major celebrations coming along.

    I used to have consistant dreams of my ex wanting me back prior to my daughter was born (my daughter is with my fiance, not my him). Having a baby was a stressfull time in my life, and my brain decided it was the best time to think of the "before stress" time in my life.

    It's just a dream and the feeling of shock will go away. Nothing to it.

    Is this a scientific fact? If so, I learned something today - that dreams with my ex(es) are to bring me to a happy place during stressful times with my FI... I don't think a paragraph from an internet stranger can be resolved with this blanket explanation.
    arae81 said:

    Questions: Why is your ex.... your ex? How is your fiance a better man than your ex?

    This. Don't be afraid to explore this question.
    Fuck no it isn't.  And if PP tries to come back and say it is I'll laugh at her.  There are no scientific facts with regards to the meaning behind dreams.  Dreams are your brain's way of trying to explain and make connections with the events of the day and things you are worried about.  They do not have deeper meaning than they are.  Anyone that tries to claim they do must be selling something.

    I had a dream I was eaten by Godzilla once.  Do you think it might be a premonition?  I better keep an eye out for giant lizards!
    haha I know I was being facetious.

    ETA: but you should still watch for giant lizards, because... you never know.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/13/dreams-about-your-ex_n_891551.html
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
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    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think her ex IS Godzilla and that's why she's so worried. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    OP,in all seriousness, did you have these feelings ever before the dream?

    My favorite aunt knew the night before the wedding that she was making a mistake, but she didn't want to let everyone down, it was all paid for, etc. She was miserable in her marriage and ended up divorced a few years later. You really need to examine your feelings her and decide if you really feel uncomfortable marrying your fiance or if this dream just got you into state of panic. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Sounds like your ex might be your "what if" guy. I admit I've thought about my exes - especially because the one I "was sure I was going to marry" is getting married this weekend. But would I be happier with him? Absolutely not.

    I concur with PPs - especially the "he's your ex for a reason" question.
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  • NuttyAlmondNuttyAlmond member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Its just stress I wouldnt read to much into it
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    OP, I've had dreams about exes where I wake up and suddenly have strong feelings for them for a couple of days. Totally out of the blue, about guys I otherwise have no interest in. Once I had a dream about a what-if guy and was fucked up in the head for like 2 days. I felt stronger than I had when I actually had a thing for him. Dreams are crazy like that.

    If the only thing freaking you out is this dream, you're going to be fine. I know, it's in my user name.
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