Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion
Options

Bridesmaid decision help

flowersinblueflowersinblue
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Alright, need some help. I'm in a wedding and I'm a brides maid. I'm having a hard time making a decision. I've been friends with the groom for a very long time and the bride only until they met years ago.. we don't hang out often, they never hang out with me when I ask them... The maid of honor dropped out, one of the other girls and I are basically putting on the bach party. I am bringing food and wine and gift for her. I have paid 130 for my dress while all the other girls got theirs on sale for 80-90 (We all have different dresses). The bride wants us to buy our own jewelry that she's picked out and shoes for 62. Which we can't even try on, we are ordering online so I'm not even sure they will fit and I have wide feet. I have medical bills that are over 300, my car is in need of repair very soon before it explodes. My dad is having knee surgery which knocks out part of the income in the house so I'm throwing extra money at my mum to help her.. I just can't see buying shoes for almost another near 100 for something that will be thrown off in 2 hours..I have a pair of shoes that will go with the dress perfectly too that I bought from new years.. I think it might be different if I was maid of honor..Please help! Half of what I'm being told is to drop out, but I don't want to do that to my friend. Also I really wasn't asked to be in the wedding.. I was told lol Thoughts? 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Bridesmaid decision help

  • Options
    lauraweston2lauraweston2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    I think you upset some brides on here or something! Where are the comments!

    Anywho: In my opinion, talk to the groom since he is your friend. You shouldn't have to drop out bcuz of shoes.. Shoes! seriously!? No way. Hurry though before everyone buys their stuff so the bride can possibly pick something cheaper

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lauraweston2 said:

    I think you upset some brides on here or something! Where are the comments!

    Anywho: In my opinion, talk to the groom since he is your friend. You shouldn't have to drop out bcuz of shoes.. Shoes! seriously!? No way. Hurry though before everyone buys their stuff so the bride can possibly pick something cheaper

    What are you talking about?



    Report Reply
  • Options
    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    flowersinblue said:
    Alright, need some help. I'm in a wedding and I'm a brides maid. I'm having a hard time making a decision. I've been friends with the groom for a very long time and the bride only until they met years ago.. we don't hang out often, they never hang out with me when I ask them... The maid of honor dropped out, one of the other girls and I are basically putting on the bach party. I am bringing food and wine and gift for her. I have paid 130 for my dress while all the other girls got theirs on sale for 80-90 (We all have different dresses). The bride wants us to buy our own jewelry that she's picked out and shoes for 62. Which we can't even try on, we are ordering online so I'm not even sure they will fit and I have wide feet. I have medical bills that are over 300, my car is in need of repair very soon before it explodes. My dad is having knee surgery which knocks out part of the income in the house so I'm throwing extra money at my mum to help her.. I just can't see buying shoes for almost another near 100 for something that will be thrown off in 2 hours..I have a pair of shoes that will go with the dress perfectly too that I bought from new years.. I think it might be different if I was maid of honor..Please help! Half of what I'm being told is to drop out, but I don't want to do that to my friend. Also I really wasn't asked to be in the wedding.. I was told lol Thoughts? 
    The only thing you're responsible for is getting the dress; if the bride is requiring specific jewelry and shoes she has to pay for them.  That being said, she's obviously not aware of that, so you have to decide if you want to say something to her about it, quietly drop out without saying something, or eat the cost.  I suggest you gently but firmly tell the bride that you can only afford to pay for the dress and that unless she's paying for the jewelry and shoes you'll wear what you already own. 



    Report Reply
  • Options
    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    Viczaesar said:
    flowersinblue said:
    Alright, need some help. I'm in a wedding and I'm a brides maid. I'm having a hard time making a decision. I've been friends with the groom for a very long time and the bride only until they met years ago.. we don't hang out often, they never hang out with me when I ask them... The maid of honor dropped out, one of the other girls and I are basically putting on the bach party. I am bringing food and wine and gift for her. I have paid 130 for my dress while all the other girls got theirs on sale for 80-90 (We all have different dresses). The bride wants us to buy our own jewelry that she's picked out and shoes for 62. Which we can't even try on, we are ordering online so I'm not even sure they will fit and I have wide feet. I have medical bills that are over 300, my car is in need of repair very soon before it explodes. My dad is having knee surgery which knocks out part of the income in the house so I'm throwing extra money at my mum to help her.. I just can't see buying shoes for almost another near 100 for something that will be thrown off in 2 hours..I have a pair of shoes that will go with the dress perfectly too that I bought from new years.. I think it might be different if I was maid of honor..Please help! Half of what I'm being told is to drop out, but I don't want to do that to my friend. Also I really wasn't asked to be in the wedding.. I was told lol Thoughts? 
    The only thing you're responsible for is getting the dress; if the bride is requiring specific jewelry and shoes she has to pay for them.  That being said, she's obviously not aware of that, so you have to decide if you want to say something to her about it, quietly drop out without saying something, or eat the cost.  I suggest you gently but firmly tell the bride that you can only afford to pay for the dress and that unless she's paying for the jewelry and shoes you'll wear what you already own. 

    I agree with this one. These are your friends. That's presumably why you are in the wedding. So, saying, sorry, you've spent the budget you had planned for the wedding and shoes and jewelry didn't make the cut. She'll either pay for them herself, if they are that important, or realize that no one really care and let you wear whatever works (like your own silver shoes if everyone else is wearing silver shoes). I'm not sure I'd drop out without saying something first and giving her a chance to remedy it. If she says that you are quitting because of shoes and jewelry, then it's really on her, not you.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    Report Reply
  • Options
    awilliams4020awilliams4020
    First Comment
    Well if everyone has on different dresses then why not have on different shoes? Look for some cheaper alternatives and ask her if she's okay with it. If you want to go the route or possibly just cancelling out on her then talk to your friend (her fiance'). Being in a wedding can be costly, she honestly should be purchasing your jewelry along with the other bridesmaids jewelry cause that's what I'm doing for my girls. good luck
    Report Reply
  • Options
    flowersinblueflowersinblue
    First Comment
    Yeah, I'm not going to drop out. I just can't budget the shoes but I'm afraid how she's going to take it. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    flowersinblueflowersinblue
    First Comment
    Agreed.. I talked to another girl about the jewelry and she was told she had already bought our "brides maids gifts" and that they were useful in the kitchen.. I'm like I don't even have my own house.. lol She has terrible fashion sense.. It's killing me.

    I received a text saying "You're in the wedding!!!" and there was no discussion about it.. lol 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You could have declined being in the wedding if you wanted. 

    I would just tell her you can't afford these shoes and jewelry and don't want to pay that much for shoes you can't even try on first. If she flips her shit and kicks you out over it, that's on her. I would then demand she pay you back for the dress. Hopefully she will just get over it. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KJirasKJiras member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    There is nothing wrong with just letting her know nicely that you have shoes and jewelry that will match your dress perfectly, and since you have spent your budget on the wedding related attire/etc. it's not really feasible for you to purchase additional ones. 

    If she freaks out then she's got her priorities mixed up and you can decide what you want to do from there. But I differ a little bit on who you should talk to about it - I know you are closer with the groom but I'd go directly to the bride on this since it was her "request." If I heard through my fiance that one of my bridesmaids was upset about something (his friend/family member) it'd hurt my feelings to think they couldn't talk to me about it. Just a suggestion :) best of luck! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    KJiras said:
    There is nothing wrong with just letting her know nicely that you have shoes and jewelry that will match your dress perfectly, and since you have spent your budget on the wedding related attire/etc. it's not really feasible for you to purchase additional ones. 

    If she freaks out then she's got her priorities mixed up and you can decide what you want to do from there. But I differ a little bit on who you should talk to about it - I know you are closer with the groom but I'd go directly to the bride on this since it was her "request." If I heard through my fiance that one of my bridesmaids was upset about something (his friend/family member) it'd hurt my feelings to think they couldn't talk to me about it. Just a suggestion :) best of luck! 
    Differ from whom?  That's what everyone else said as well.



    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards