Wedding Etiquette Forum

Open Bar/Cash hybrid?

Hey all - long time lurker, first time poster here. I am completely aware of the overall feeling of cash bars around here. Believe me, I am on board! However, FI and I have hit a (possibly huge) snag in our planning. We have an appointment to sign a contract with our dream venue tonight. We have toured the venue twice, met with our event coordinator and are ready to put down a deposit and sign tonight. 

For a little background, we were/are planning to have a hosted bar of wine, beer, and two signature cocktails (1. vodka cranberry; 2. crown & coke) with a champagne toast at dinner. I did not even think to bring this up during our meetings with the venue - we only discussed whether or not we'd be having alcohol at all. FI and I were reading through the contract last night and saw that there is a stipulation - if you are serving hosted alcohol of any kind, a full bar must also be available (cash open bar or hosted). I have never heard of this before. Is this stipulation common? I put in a phone call to the venue's coordinator we've been talking to but the wording is pretty clear. I was going to wait to hear back from her but now I'm kind of freaking out... We love, love, love the venue. But this may make or break our plans.

It is not in our budget to host a totally open bar (the cost nearly doubles when it's a full open bar with champagne toast, as opposed to our original plan of wine, beer, champagne toast, and signature drinks). I mean is this how they "get ya" to host more? 

Also, as an aside - in our circle, a dry wedding is not an option. 

I guess I am just wondering what our options are? (Assuming the venue will not budge on this stipulation...) We love this venue and we absolutely cannot afford to host a full bar. Is it awful to think we might sign the contract anyway? We have most of our bases covered -- wine, beer, champagne toast, and the two signature cocktails. In all likely hood our guests would not even indulge in the cash bar but the contract says we have to have it available. I'm kind of freaking out. Help me, knotties. Would I be an awful host to allow for even a smidge of a cash bar at our wedding?

Re: Open Bar/Cash hybrid?

  • Don't sign a contract that will require you to have a cash bar. Walk away. Your dream venue will be one that allows you to properly host your guests. This one doesn't, so it doesn't work for you.
    This.  It's never appropriate to expect guests to pay for drinks, and that's what this one is trying to force you to do.
  • Don't sign a contract that will require you to have a cash bar. Walk away. Your dream venue will be one that allows you to properly host your guests. This one doesn't, so it doesn't work for you.
    This.  Letting the venue know that you're willing to walk away also may make them get rid of the provision.  Most venues are open to negotiation.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Ditto Starmoon. Any venue that forced me to be rude to my guests would no longer be my dream venue. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • My venue has this stipulation too, but I think it's very uncommon. I know it's hard, but I'd recommend walking away if they won't budge. How frustrating.
  • Yep, another ditto. I know you love the place and have an emotional attachment already going here but the truth is the place is outsi your budget. It just is. Look for a new one.
  • I agree with Starmoon. But I also think this is something you can negotiate. This is such an odd stipulation that I doubt they've never had any opposition to it. Challenge it and see if they budge. Walk away if they don't. They may come back and offer to give you exactly what you want.
  • Is there a way to make it discreet, like the guests would only know if they insisted on a different drink? If you had plenty of information that shared the "available drinks", and if the bartenders would only list the hosted drinks when the guests ask what their options are, and the guests would only find out if someone said, "No, I need this drink."? Just asking because I attende a wedding with the same set up, but nobody even realized the whole bar was available because the bartenders didn't mention it.
  • I'd also recommend seeing if the venue is willing to ditch that stipulation.  Otherwise I'd walk away, I know you love it so hopefully they'll be willing to work with you on this.
  • Is there a way to make it discreet, like the guests would only know if they insisted on a different drink? If you had plenty of information that shared the "available drinks", and if the bartenders would only list the hosted drinks when the guests ask what their options are, and the guests would only find out if someone said, "No, I need this drink."? Just asking because I attende a wedding with the same set up, but nobody even realized the whole bar was available because the bartenders didn't mention it.
    I wouldn't do this.  If a guest's request is not "available" for free, it shouldn't be available for cash either.  If the venue insists on availability for cash, it's making you a party to a breach of etiquette and rudeness in your hosting.  If you can't afford a full open bar at this venue, you need to find a different venue that allows for full hosting within your budget with no cash bars.
  • I'd try to negotiate that part of the contract. If it's not possible to change the contract, then it's not your dream venue anymore. It's almost your dream venue.
    image
  • A lot of the venues in my area have the same policy. Hopefully they can negotiate something if not leave and find a new venue.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • Is there a way to make it discreet, like the guests would only know if they insisted on a different drink? If you had plenty of information that shared the "available drinks", and if the bartenders would only list the hosted drinks when the guests ask what their options are, and the guests would only find out if someone said, "No, I need this drink."? Just asking because I attende a wedding with the same set up, but nobody even realized the whole bar was available because the bartenders didn't mention it.
    This is what I was going to suggest. Perhaps the venue is used to this type of set up? 

    Also--in your circle, are the weddings always all full open bar? Do you expect people will be specifically offended (as the people here on the Knot are)? Everyone's circles and experiences are different. (NOTE: I'm NOT trying to defend cash bar, just trying to help you figure out what's the most important thing to you--the venue, or the perceived breach of etiquette). 
  • I disagree with the party line on partial cash bars. If you're hosting beer and wine and signature cocktails, then I think it's okay to have other options in the physical venue available for cash. I would not make your guests aware that anything else is available, and I would suggest you tell the bartenders to only offer what you're hosting. But I think if this is where you want to get married, being forced to allow your guests to pay cash for extras isn't a reason to look elsewhere. 
  • I disagree with the party line on partial cash bars. If you're hosting beer and wine and signature cocktails, then I think it's okay to have other options in the physical venue available for cash. I would not make your guests aware that anything else is available, and I would suggest you tell the bartenders to only offer what you're hosting. But I think if this is where you want to get married, being forced to allow your guests to pay cash for extras isn't a reason to look elsewhere. 
    Nope, not okay.  Hosting = "hosts pay for it," not guests.  And yes, venues forcing hosts to allow cash bars is a reason to look elsewhere, because if hosts agree to it, they become party to the rudeness.
  • The hosts are paying for the beer, wine and cocktails. No one is making guests pay for drinks, unless the guests choose of their own free will to seek out drinks beyond what the host offered. 

    OP, I would definitely threaten to change venues, in order to see if you can have them remove this clause, because it'd be better if you didn't have it. But if they stick hard and fast, I personally would accept it. 
  • Don't sign a contract that will require you to have a cash bar. Walk away. Your dream venue will be one that allows you to properly host your guests. This one doesn't, so it doesn't work for you.
    Completely agree with this.

    DO not sign.  Any resulting cash bar if you do sign was your fault and not the venue's fault and guests will not cut you slack just because it was the venue's policy, KWIM?
  • Hi all - just returned from our appointment with the venue. They told us "I am sorry, that is policy" so we walked away. Ah! Broke my heart!

    I really appreciated all of your comments. I am still crossing my fingers that they'll call me tomorrow saying they'll oblige! For what it's worth, they are a brand new venue around here - just opened up this past spring. They had nearly every Saturday for Summer 2014 wide open (a rarity around these parts, even for a new venue). Hopefully they will reconsider this aspect of their contract. No other venues around here have policies like this. I'm sure they will figure that out eventually... Thanks again for your input. I appreciate it!
  • Jen4948 said:
    I disagree with the party line on partial cash bars. If you're hosting beer and wine and signature cocktails, then I think it's okay to have other options in the physical venue available for cash. I would not make your guests aware that anything else is available, and I would suggest you tell the bartenders to only offer what you're hosting. But I think if this is where you want to get married, being forced to allow your guests to pay cash for extras isn't a reason to look elsewhere. 
    Nope, not okay.  Hosting = "hosts pay for it," not guests.  And yes, venues forcing hosts to allow cash bars is a reason to look elsewhere, because if hosts agree to it, they become party to the rudeness.
    If this was a perfect world, I'd totally agree with you. But it's not a perfect world. We all have to make sacrifices somewhere. I how you DO find the perfect venue, but maybe another venue will have a long travel distance from ceremony to reception, or will only have 1 bathroom, or will be just a little small so the tables have to be squished together. I'm sure we've all been at weddings where SOMETHING was not ideal. It's not like we blackballed the couple after because our table was off in the corner in the reception and we couldn't see the speeches that one time, etc. 

    The reason some people choose some venues and other people choose other venues, is not just the size and aesthetics, but also because their priorities are different. If your biggest priority is to make sure you don't do a single thing that a single person could perceive as rude, then you're going to be sorely disappointed, because it's just not possible. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    MandyMost said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I disagree with the party line on partial cash bars. If you're hosting beer and wine and signature cocktails, then I think it's okay to have other options in the physical venue available for cash. I would not make your guests aware that anything else is available, and I would suggest you tell the bartenders to only offer what you're hosting. But I think if this is where you want to get married, being forced to allow your guests to pay cash for extras isn't a reason to look elsewhere. 
    Nope, not okay.  Hosting = "hosts pay for it," not guests.  And yes, venues forcing hosts to allow cash bars is a reason to look elsewhere, because if hosts agree to it, they become party to the rudeness.
    If this was a perfect world, I'd totally agree with you. But it's not a perfect world. We all have to make sacrifices somewhere. I how you DO find the perfect venue, but maybe another venue will have a long travel distance from ceremony to reception, or will only have 1 bathroom, or will be just a little small so the tables have to be squished together. I'm sure we've all been at weddings where SOMETHING was not ideal. It's not like we blackballed the couple after because our table was off in the corner in the reception and we couldn't see the speeches that one time, etc. 

    The reason some people choose some venues and other people choose other venues, is not just the size and aesthetics, but also because their priorities are different. If your biggest priority is to make sure you don't do a single thing that a single person could perceive as rude, then you're going to be sorely disappointed, because it's just not possible. 
    Sorry, but cash bars is one I'm going to stand on.  In the US, it's not okay to expect guests to pay for their drinks.  The hosts need to do that, and if the venue is trying to put them into a position where they *have* to allow the venue to make drinks available that the venue can charge their guests directly for and not the hosts, that's not okay.  The venue is making them a party to rudeness for the benefit of their own bottom line.  That particular venue isn't the only one available to the hosts, so I think the hosts have the responsibility to find another one and book their reception there. 
  • Hi all - just returned from our appointment with the venue. They told us "I am sorry, that is policy" so we walked away. Ah! Broke my heart!

    I really appreciated all of your comments. I am still crossing my fingers that they'll call me tomorrow saying they'll oblige! For what it's worth, they are a brand new venue around here - just opened up this past spring. They had nearly every Saturday for Summer 2014 wide open (a rarity around these parts, even for a new venue). Hopefully they will reconsider this aspect of their contract. No other venues around here have policies like this. I'm sure they will figure that out eventually... Thanks again for your input. I appreciate it!

    You made the right decision.  Also, a venue that's barely booked but refuses to work with people so they can properly host their guests? This might have been a blessing that it didn't work out.
  • LMc0322 said:
    Hi all - just returned from our appointment with the venue. They told us "I am sorry, that is policy" so we walked away. Ah! Broke my heart!

    I really appreciated all of your comments. I am still crossing my fingers that they'll call me tomorrow saying they'll oblige! For what it's worth, they are a brand new venue around here - just opened up this past spring. They had nearly every Saturday for Summer 2014 wide open (a rarity around these parts, even for a new venue). Hopefully they will reconsider this aspect of their contract. No other venues around here have policies like this. I'm sure they will figure that out eventually... Thanks again for your input. I appreciate it!

    You made the right decision.  Also, a venue that's barely booked but refuses to work with people so they can properly host their guests? This might have been a blessing that it didn't work out.
    This.  A venue that isn't well established, isn't well booked, and isn't willing to work with their clients?  I'd be concerned they'd go out of business and make my planning WAY more stressful.
  • FWIW I think you made the right choice. We were looking at a very popular venue in our area where your only options were full open bar or a dry wedding, they didn't offer a beer and wine only package. We knew our budget and knew we could only offer beer and wine, so we found a new venue. Turns out, we love it so much more then one we thought was our 'dream' venue. 



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hi all - just returned from our appointment with the venue. They told us "I am sorry, that is policy" so we walked away. Ah! Broke my heart!

    I really appreciated all of your comments. I am still crossing my fingers that they'll call me tomorrow saying they'll oblige! For what it's worth, they are a brand new venue around here - just opened up this past spring. They had nearly every Saturday for Summer 2014 wide open (a rarity around these parts, even for a new venue). Hopefully they will reconsider this aspect of their contract. No other venues around here have policies like this. I'm sure they will figure that out eventually... Thanks again for your input. I appreciate it!
    I also agree that you made the right choice!    There are other venues. And while it may not have that perfect waterfall, or artwork in the bathroom, etc. etc., at least you will be properly hosting your guests.  Good for you !
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards