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issues with my mom and stepdad

jordancorrine2015jordancorrine2015 member
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in Moms and Maids
I am have a little bit of an issue, my mother already said she isn't too keen on my engagement. But only because my stepfather down right hates my fiance. 
Now there was a miss understanding regarding some Armani cologne being stolen out of his bathroom. the issue was resolved, and my fiance was acquitted of the charge but ever since then my stepfather disapproves of him.

The culprit was identified, but he still dislikes him and well its pretty upsetting.

i'm curious if anyone has the same kinda issue or a similar one. an what are you guys doing to make it less stressful.

Keeping in mind my wedding is in 2 1/2 yrs, on Oct. 31, 2015.

do you think it will passover, he is just a little heated, or is he never going to like him again? 
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Re: issues with my mom and stepdad

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you make it clear that you and your fi are a package deal, your mom may come around. But since your SF is holding a grudge, even though he was proven wrong, you shouldn't care about his opinion. 
                       
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  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 member
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    Depends. You said your FI was acquitted and the culprit identified, but you didn't say if your FI in fact stole the cologne. I'm not asking to pry further into that, but I can see a parent holding a grudge/dislike against someone who steals from them for a very long time.

    My FI did not make the best first impression on my Dad. Dad thought he lacked direction and motivation, when the truth was, no one had ever encouraged FI or given him any kind of guidance to pursue any dreams or goals. Now, 3 years and 3 months since we started dating, and 8 months till W-day, they are best buddies. It helps that both served in the same branch of the military, and FI is also good with computers, having fixed Dad's computers about once every 2-3 months when he screws it up and gets a virus.

    Similarly, I'm not a big fan of my BIL, but we manage to be polite and have light, general convo when we see each other. I will never forgive his and my half -sister's poor treatment of my mom, but for the sake of my nieces, I will play nice.

    Don't try to force them to be best buddies. You have 2.5 years till your wedding. Encourage your FI to be polite and respectful and initiate general convos with your stepdad to help break this ice wall (of course, avoid politics and religious differences, if any). Ultimately, it's up to them to improve their relationship. If stepdad is still disliking him in 2 years, 3 months, don't focus on it. They can be adults at the wedding and be polite to one another.

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  • jordancorrine2015jordancorrine2015 member
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    Never, I've lived with him through this ordeal and I've never seen or smelled it on him.

    chipmunk: its crazy because my FI has fixed several of his computers and even helped out with car troubles but he still doesn't like him IDK I know I shouldn't care but its just bothers me that my mother would be influenced by it.

    Yeah the politeness is another issue i may have. My stepfather isn't much of a forgive and forget kinda person even if someone has never done anything wrong to him. He tends to just sit there in silence with a angry look.

    IDK I guess just waiting is the only tell sign I have to being at ease
     image
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  • Grabows14Grabows14 member
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    It's f'n cologne .... seriously? Your SF is trying to be hard to get along with. You also have plenty of time for this to blow over... IMO you should try to have your FI be around your family more, so they get used to him (it sounds like that's an issue)
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  • 1FairMaiden1FairMaiden member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Any time you bring any sort of legal jargon into a family rift, I just don't think it bodes well. 

    FWIW, I was engaged once before to a guy who my family decided they hated, and no, that didn't change over the years we were together, and it was part of what drove us apart. Turned out to be very good riddance to very bad rubbish, but sometimes, if your parents are the kinds of people who do have a strong sense of people (mine do, I don't. I'm very over-trusting.) they sometimes know what's best. And I know that sounds bizarre, but sometimes, they see things you don't because you're distracted by how in love you are, the fantasies you've created of the life you'll have together, etc.
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  • jordancorrine2015jordancorrine2015 member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    i've been with this guy 2 1/2 years and they've always loved him then this cologne incident happened and kinda went all down hill from there.

    i trust him that he wouldn't steal anything from my family or anything at all.
    he has never given me a reason to not trust him when he tells me something.

    Here is another thing it had been missing a week before we even got there. we stayed for a few days to fix my car.

    there is something my stepfather is holding against him and i'm stuck on what that is i have no clue why he wouldn't like ray he has been nothing but helpful to my family.
     image
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