Wedding Woes

About to Just Give Up

I'm so frustrated with just about everyone that I don't even know what to do anymore.

For starters, I asked my best friend, my two sisters and my future sister in law to be bridesmaids. While my best friend, my FSIL and one of my sisters are thrilled, the other sister has decided to be difficult. Through weeks of me bending over backwards to try to involve her (including offering to pay for part of her dress and pay for the gas for her to drive from Tucson to Phoenix) she has decided that she won't even be attending the wedding because A: She can't afford half of the $130 dress, B: PRIDE is the weekend of the wedding and she doesn't want to miss it, and C: I refused to invite her EX-girlfriend to the wedding.

Moving on to the groomsmen. My FI has asked his best friend and two brothers to be groomsmen. His oldest brother agreed to being a groomsman, but has since then started ignoring all of my FI's attempts to contact him. His best friend also agreed to be a groomsman, but also said that he won't be attending the rehearsal because he can't find someone to watch his cats while he's out of town for the two days (He lives in Tucson, we're in Phoenix). And now with two months until the wedding he is talking about backing out completely because he's not sure if he can afford the rental (which normally I'd be sympathetic with, but his issue is purely not being able to properly handle money).
In an effort to make things cheaper, FI decided to find suit separates at a Burlington Coat Factory. They had a good selection, we found what we were looking for, and we bought FI a suit for the wedding, and planned on letting the groomsmen know that they could just buy a shirt and slacks there. Now FI can't decide if he wants to stick with the original rental, or the Burlington suit.

I'm just so frustrated at this point that I don't even know what to do anymore. Everyone says they "want to be involved", but then make it out to be a huge inconvenience.

Re: About to Just Give Up

  • Just remember that although everything is a big deal to you because it's your big day, it's not everyone else's top priority and they are trying to squish it into their already hectic lives.  Maybe people are thinking of backing out because they feel they are disappointing you too much. 

     

    One of my bridesmaids has told me that she won't be coming to any prewedding events including the rehearsal and dinner and backed out of the original dress she picked because it was all too expensive.  So we found her a cheaper dress with matching fabric/color and I said if she couldn't show up to anything but the wedding that's fine.  Am I happy about it?  No, but in the end all that matters is that I'm marrying the best man in the world for me and soon after we'll be on a beach enjoying life as newlyweds.  Just keep your outlook positive.

  • How other people spend their money is none of your business and not for you to dictate. Did you ask your sister how much she could afford to pay for the dress or the groomsman how much he could pay for the suit? If not, that's on you.

    So your sister has decided she doesn't want to be in your wedding anymore. That's a bummer, but don't try to guilt her into coming back. Keep it moving and remember that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • We did ask my sister and the groomsman if they could afford it, and they initially told us that they could. I'm only disappointed in that they agreed to be a part of it, knowing exactly what they were getting into because we made sure that we explained everything, and now they're making it complicated.

    I'm not going to try to guilt my sister into coming back. I'm just disappointed in her, and hurt that her selfishness means that she won't be at my wedding at all. She is after all my sister, and I wish she would at least attend the wedding even if she couldn't be in the bridal party.
  • It's one thing for your sister to decide she can't be in your wedding, but I can't believe she isn't even going!  I am so sorry to hear that.  <<Hugs>>

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks!
    It's sad because she's always kind of been this way about things, but I was really hoping she wouldn't let her selfish tendencies get in the way with something as important as a wedding.
    It just kinda feels like she chose her ex-girlfriend over me, which stinks. They're still good friends, but they haven't been together for over a year now. The wedding is just family anyway, so it just didn't make sense to invite her.
  • Would your sister reconsider coming if you invite her ex? If you really want her at the wedding, it might be worth giving in. It's just one person.


  • Thanks!
    It's sad because she's always kind of been this way about things, but I was really hoping she wouldn't let her selfish tendencies get in the way with something as important as a wedding.
    It just kinda feels like she chose her ex-girlfriend over me, which stinks. They're still good friends, but they haven't been together for over a year now. The wedding is just family anyway, so it just didn't make sense to invite her.

    If this is how she's always been, it was a bit of a stretch for you to expect her to change for your wedding. It's still a huge bummer that she's chosen an annual event over a one-time family event, but you can't do anything to change that.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Would your sister reconsider coming if you invite her ex? If you really want her at the wedding, it might be worth giving in. It's just one person.
    We're literally maxed out on our space for the venue, so I don't have the space to invite her even if I wanted to.
    I'm also afraid that she's just threatening to not come so that I will invite her ex, because she has a habit of doing that kind of thing.

    The real funny thing is that they're both in relationships with other people right now!
  • I didn't give her a plus one because she has only been with her current girlfriend for about two weeks. She's been bouncing from relationship to relationship, each one only lasting a couple weeks, and FI and I agreed we didn't want her random "girl of the week" at the wedding if we were to just give her a general plus one. We only gave plus ones to those in serious relationships, as it is a small intimate family wedding.
  • I didn't give her a plus one because she has only been with her current girlfriend for about two weeks. She's been bouncing from relationship to relationship, each one only lasting a couple weeks, and FI and I agreed we didn't want her random "girl of the week" at the wedding if we were to just give her a general plus one. We only gave plus ones to those in serious relationships, as it is a small intimate family wedding.
    It's a small intimate family wedding but your maxed out on space? How small is your venue?

    Also, you don't get to decide the seriousness of people's relationships. I know people who have gotten engaged after just a few weeks. You needed to invite everyone's SO. What you've done is extremely rude. And no it doesn't matter that it's YOUR wedding - once you decided to invite guests you needed to host them properly and part of treating your guests well means not separating couples no matter how long they've been together because their relationship is not yours to judge.


  • I didn't give her a plus one because she has only been with her current girlfriend for about two weeks. She's been bouncing from relationship to relationship, each one only lasting a couple weeks, and FI and I agreed we didn't want her random "girl of the week" at the wedding if we were to just give her a general plus one. We only gave plus ones to those in serious relationships, as it is a small intimate family wedding.
    It's a small intimate family wedding but your maxed out on space? How small is your venue?

    Also, you don't get to decide the seriousness of people's relationships. I know people who have gotten engaged after just a few weeks. You needed to invite everyone's SO. What you've done is extremely rude. And no it doesn't matter that it's YOUR wedding - once you decided to invite guests you needed to host them properly and part of treating your guests well means not separating couples no matter how long they've been together because their relationship is not yours to judge.
    It's a small venue, max of 50 people.
    Etiquette doesn't mean that I have to give every single person a plus one. If they are in a serious relationship, yes. If they've been dating for a week, I don't have to invite them. And I didn't separate any couples anyway. The whole point of this is that she did not want to invite her girlfriend, she wanted to invite her ex-girlfriend. Therefore, this SO thing does not even apply.
  • I think this stinks that you have people backing out. I know it matters the most to you and FI but in my family when something big and important happens we are all there and supportive.

    But you can't make people participate if they don't want, so now just look forward to all the good things that are to come!
    image


    Anniversary
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards