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favour etiquette

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Re: favour etiquette

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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    edited August 2013
    southernbelle0915 said:


    GlassButton said:

    Do you know what is common in Canada?  Dance-only invitations and cash bars.  Do you know what is still rude in Canada? Dance-only invitations and cash bars.
    Is this a joke? You realize I live in Canada.

    Dance only invitations are rude, as for cash bars I can't say. If dance only invitations are common in your region then that's your region, but don't say Canada. I've lived in Toronto most of my life and until I joined the knot I finally heard of it.

    Are dance only invitations alright somewhere in the world? Maybe. It sounds like it in England or in a region of England at the very least.

    I can say... Cash bars are rude. I don't care where you live.

    LOL I'll agree to that. I meant as common since I went to comment about that. I've actually never gone to an event that had a cash bar.

    ETA: I'm more confusing today than usual.

    I meant to say, I did not comment whether it was rude or not since I didn't go on to comment whether they were common or not.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    GlassButton said:

    alisonmarie658 said:


    GlassButton said:

    @KatWAG
    @vk2204

    Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.

    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them.

    However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?

    You're going to compare what you want to do, to what the Queen of England did? You sure about that? I mean, talk about needing courtesy invites...
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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    alisonmarie658 said:


    southernbelle0915 said:


    GlassButton said:

    Do you know what is common in Canada?  Dance-only invitations and cash bars.  Do you know what is still rude in Canada? Dance-only invitations and cash bars.
    Is this a joke? You realize I live in Canada.

    Dance only invitations are rude, as for cash bars I can't say. If dance only invitations are common in your region then that's your region, but don't say Canada. I've lived in Toronto most of my life and until I joined the knot I finally heard of it.

    Are dance only invitations alright somewhere in the world? Maybe. It sounds like it in England or in a region of England at the very least.

    I can say... Cash bars are rude. I don't care where you live.


    image


    Thank you for using a gif. Is there anyway you can use one on a Mobile device?

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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    Maggie0829 said:


    GlassButton said:


    GlassButton said:

    @KatWAG @vk2204 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.
    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them. However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that? You are seriously using the royal wedding as a comparison?  Really?



    Well can you answer me if they did do something similar? Invite people to the evening reception only? I understand they still fed them, but wouldn't they have still b listed people by these "standards"?
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    mercimariemercimarie member
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    @GlassButton, you're right, the royal family did indeed to a tiered wedding. 
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    mercimariemercimarie member
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    Maybe this is ignorant, but wouldn't the royal family be a pretty safe bet as an example of etiquette? They seem like they have their shit together when it comes to putting a wedding on.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    mercimarie said:
    Beyond it being a massive stretch saying that tiered weddings are equal to treating people like second class citizens (smh), I think this will always be a hot button topic. I think it boils down to knowing your audience, which has been said before on a similar thread. I even contradicted myself on a previous thread as the OP's description of the event made me think that it would be better to keep the guest list small, and invite everyone who is attending the ceremony to the reception. Then in the same breath I justified my own tiered wedding. Go figure. I just think that without knowing people's family background, culture etc, it is impossible to have one set of rules or etiquette for every audience from anywhere in the world, because things (including etiquette practices) are just done differently in different places. Just my opinion. :)
    Let me break it down:

    What Guest A is getting:
    - The whole reception
    - seated dinner
    - cocktails
    - dancing

    What Guest B is getting:
    - part of the reception
    - cocktails
    - dancing

    Guest A is getting more than Guest B. Is that treating your guests equally? No. Even if it's common to not treat your guests unequally, it doesn't mean it's right. 

    In America, there have been lots of times/circumstances when people haven't been treated equally. Does it mean that just because it was/is common that it's right? No. Were there people that had "opinions" that it was ok? Yup. Does that mean it was right? Nope.

    Just treat your guests equally and don't use some silly cop-out like "it's common" or "it's cultural" to justify it when you're really just trying to save money.
    *********************************************************************************

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    mercimariemercimarie member
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    alisonmarie658 said:
    mercimarie said:
    Beyond it being a massive stretch saying that tiered weddings are equal to treating people like second class citizens (smh), I think this will always be a hot button topic. I think it boils down to knowing your audience, which has been said before on a similar thread. I even contradicted myself on a previous thread as the OP's description of the event made me think that it would be better to keep the guest list small, and invite everyone who is attending the ceremony to the reception. Then in the same breath I justified my own tiered wedding. Go figure. I just think that without knowing people's family background, culture etc, it is impossible to have one set of rules or etiquette for every audience from anywhere in the world, because things (including etiquette practices) are just done differently in different places. Just my opinion. :)
    What's rude and what's not rude to one's American guests is very clear in my opinion.
    Fixed that for you.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    mercimarie said:
    Maybe this is ignorant, but wouldn't the royal family be a pretty safe bet as an example of etiquette? They seem like they have their shit together when it comes to putting a wedding on.
    No, I would definitely not use any royal family as an example of good etiquette.  They've all been known to bend rules.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    GlassButton said:

    Maggie0829 said:


    GlassButton said:


    GlassButton said:

    @KatWAG @vk2204 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.
    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them. However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
    You are seriously using the royal wedding as a comparison?  Really?



    Well can you answer me if they did do something similar? Invite people to the evening reception only? I understand they still fed them, but wouldn't they have still b listed people by these "standards"?
    You need an answer on wether or not they did something similar? YOU brought it up. Do you not know the answer?
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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    @mercimarie, without touching the tiered reception, how is it okay to give some of your guests a favor - when these are usually picked up at the end of the evening - and not okay to give one to others? That, for sure, seems to be an all-or-nothing issue.
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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    Simply Fated said:

    GlassButton said:

    alisonmarie658 said:


    GlassButton said:

    @KatWAG
    @vk2204

    Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.

    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them.

    However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
    You're going to compare what you want to do, to what the Queen of England did? You sure about that? I mean, talk about needing courtesy invites...


    I'm just going to copy and paste. Then please read what @mercimarie had to say.

    Well can you answer me if they did do something similar? Invite people to the evening reception only? I understand they still fed them, but wouldn't they have still b listed people by these "standards"?
    mercimarie said:

    Maybe this is ignorant, but wouldn't the royal family be a pretty safe bet as an example of etiquette? They seem like they have their shit together when it comes to putting a wedding on.

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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    KatWAG said:
    GlassButton said:
    Umm nope, we have 20 people who are distant relatives of FI who have been invited to celebrate our wedding. And you're right, tiered weddings are common place in England. USA =/= universal.  

    I have been to a few weddings as an evening guest. I had a great time, we got to celebrate with the bride and groom and we danced the night away. Fun times. Not everyone will agree, and it's certainly not adhering to American Wedding Etiquette. I'm not worried about that, as I'm not getting married in America. I have never internalized it as being told I'm not good enough when I've been an evening guest, but then again the weddings I've gone to have all been pretty laid back. I even paid for my own alcohol once and survived the whole night! ;-)
    I completely agree with you: And you're right, tiered weddings are common place in England. USA =/= universal.
    Again, Tradition =/= proper etiquette.
    ^This.  Just because something is done all the time does not make it polite.

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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Simply Fated said:

    GlassButton said:

    Maggie0829 said:


    GlassButton said:


    GlassButton said:

    @KatWAG @vk2204 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.
    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them. However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
    You are seriously using the royal wedding as a comparison?  Really?



    Well can you answer me if they did do something similar? Invite people to the evening reception only? I understand they still fed them, but wouldn't they have still b listed people by these "standards"?

    You need an answer on wether or not they did something similar? YOU brought it up. Do you not know the answer?



    I already answered it in a previous statement. Please read what you quote:

    ... didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    mercimarie said:
    Maybe this is ignorant, but wouldn't the royal family be a pretty safe bet as an example of etiquette? They seem like they have their shit together when it comes to putting a wedding on.
    Ugh. No. That is ignorant. Throughout history "royals" (that term makes me shudder btw) haven't exactly been the epitome of doing the right thing. Why do you think there aren't many monarchies left?  

    I will pretend you didn't say it. 

    CAN PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE "THE ROYALS" OUT OF THIS?? And any other wedding discussion for that matter? I am SO sick of hearing about how they live their lives and people using it as a template for their own life. Ugh. Get over it.
    NYCBruin said:
    FFS what is happening to these boards?  TK should just shut them down and when you click to ask a question you just get a popup that says "It's YOUR day do what YOU want.  Don't worry about the comfort, happiness, or feelings of any of your guests.  It's all about YOU, snowflake."  I think that's the 'atmosphere' they're going for anyways.
    Annnnnnd you're back. Please stay. :)
    *********************************************************************************

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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    GlassButton said:
    GlassButton said:
    GlassButton said:
    @KatWAG @vk2204 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.
    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them. However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
    You are seriously using the royal wedding as a comparison?  Really?
    Well can you answer me if they did do something similar? Invite people to the evening reception only? I understand they still fed them, but wouldn't they have still b listed people by these "standards"?
    You need an answer on wether or not they did something similar? YOU brought it up. Do you not know the answer?
    I already answered it in a previous statement. Please read what you quote: ... didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
    If you already answered it, then why are you asking me to answer it?

    And, apparently you answered wrong. Thanks, @NYCBruin
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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    Simply Fated said:


    GlassButton said:

    Simply Fated said:

    GlassButton said:

    Maggie0829 said:


    GlassButton said:

    alisonmarie658 said:



    GlassButton said:

    @KatWAG @vk2204 Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the USA's etiquette rules applied everywhere.
    It's still rude to not properly host ALL of your guests and to treat part of your guest list like second class citizens no matter where in the world you are.
    We're just going to have to agree to disagree. If someone did this to me in North America, I would be offended. I also agree that if you invite someone to an event such as this you should feed them. However, in a region where this is practiced and established, not so much. Also, didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?
    You are seriously using the royal wedding as a comparison?  Really?

    Well can you answer me if they did do something similar? Invite people to the evening reception only? I understand they still fed them, but wouldn't they have still b listed people by these "standards"?
    You need an answer on wether or not they did something similar? YOU brought it up. Do you not know the answer?

    I already answered it in a previous statement. Please read what you quote:

    ... didn't the royals do something similar to this? They only had 300 guests for the ceremony but 600 guests in the evening or something like that?


    If you already answered it, then why are you asking me to answer it?

    And, apparently you answered wrong. Thanks, @NYCBruin


    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhetorical_question

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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    NYCBruin said:

    When you have hundreds of dignitaries that require an invitation for international relations reasons, then you can have two receptions.


    And by the way that isn't even really what the royals did:

    The royal family had the ceremony followed by an afternoon reception where everyone that was invited to the ceremony was invited.

    Many hours later that evening, the royal couple hosted a separate party for their friends and families.  Both of them changed out of the clothes they were married in.  This event was private, unlike the actual wedding part of their day.

    The two events were completely separate.
    NYCBruin said:

    @GlassButton

    When you use a rhetorical question to make a point, it usually helps if the answer you're suggesting is actually correct.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-wedding/8485668/Royal-wedding-inside-Kate-and-Williams-extraordinary-palace-reception.html

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/855936

    Huff post:

    First up was Queen Elizabeth's afternoon luncheon for 650 people at Buckingham Palace where canapes and champagne were served. Prince Charles' speech seemingly stole the show. According to the Daily Mail, he emotionally described Kate Middleton as the daughter he never had and got some laughs after mentioning Prince William's hairline. Charles spoke while standing up on some sort of platform and supposedly remarked, "The thing about growing older is that your children get taller than you so they can see your bald spots. Now in my case, I can see his."

    A group of 300 returned to the palace in the evening for a second celebration.

    *****

    Now to my understanding, only 300 people were at the ceremony. So when I saw 650 people at the reception, then 300 again for an evening dinner it seemed a bit off to me.

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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    GlassButton said:
    When you have hundreds of dignitaries that require an invitation for international relations reasons, then you can have two receptions.

    And by the way that isn't even really what the royals did:

    The royal family had the ceremony followed by an afternoon reception where everyone that was invited to the ceremony was invited.

    Many hours later that evening, the royal couple hosted a separate party for their friends and families.  Both of them changed out of the clothes they were married in.  This event was private, unlike the actual wedding part of their day.

    The two events were completely separate.
    @GlassButton
    When you use a rhetorical question to make a point, it usually helps if the answer you're suggesting is actually correct.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-wedding/8485668/Royal-wedding-inside-Kate-and-Williams-extraordinary-palace-reception.html http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/855936 Huff post: First up was Queen Elizabeth's afternoon luncheon for 650 people at Buckingham Palace where canapes and champagne were served. Prince Charles' speech seemingly stole the show. According to the Daily Mail, he emotionally described Kate Middleton as the daughter he never had and got some laughs after mentioning Prince William's hairline. Charles spoke while standing up on some sort of platform and supposedly remarked, "The thing about growing older is that your children get taller than you so they can see your bald spots. Now in my case, I can see his." A group of 300 returned to the palace in the evening for a second celebration. ***** Now to my understanding, only 300 people were at the ceremony. So when I saw 650 people at the reception, then 300 again for an evening dinner it seemed a bit off to me.
    Out of 1,900 people invited to the ceremony, only 300 attended? That's a lot of no's.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    SKPM said:
    Being invited in a way that lets me know I'm in the top 450, but not top 350, guests honored by the queen of England is one thing. I'd be stoked. But alerting me that I'm in the top 450, but didn't make the top 350, guests honored by a neighbor or coworker just doesn't have the same effect. I would definitely roll my eyes at anyone who compared her own wedding to that of royalty.
    Thank you! I really dont' see how anyone can compare their wedding to this lol.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    @GlassButton actually 1900 people attended the ceremony.

    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-04-28/royal-wedding-crowds-gather-in-london-for-pageantry-good-view-of-the-kiss.html

    But even so, they are royal.  They can pretty much do whatever they want.  The typical eitquette rules for a wedding don't really apply to them.  So to compare their wedding to a "commoners" is a bit far-fetched.


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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Simply Fated said:


    GlassButton said:

    NYCBruin said:

    When you have hundreds of dignitaries that require an invitation for international relations reasons, then you can have two receptions.


    And by the way that isn't even really what the royals did:

    The royal family had the ceremony followed by an afternoon reception where everyone that was invited to the ceremony was invited.

    Many hours later that evening, the royal couple hosted a separate party for their friends and families.  Both of them changed out of the clothes they were married in.  This event was private, unlike the actual wedding part of their day.

    The two events were completely separate.
    NYCBruin said:

    @GlassButton

    When you use a rhetorical question to make a point, it usually helps if the answer you're suggesting is actually correct.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-wedding/8485668/Royal-wedding-inside-Kate-and-Williams-extraordinary-palace-reception.html

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/855936

    Huff post:

    First up was Queen Elizabeth's afternoon luncheon for 650 people at Buckingham Palace where canapes and champagne were served. Prince Charles' speech seemingly stole the show. According to the Daily Mail, he emotionally described Kate Middleton as the daughter he never had and got some laughs after mentioning Prince William's hairline. Charles spoke while standing up on some sort of platform and supposedly remarked, "The thing about growing older is that your children get taller than you so they can see your bald spots. Now in my case, I can see his."

    A group of 300 returned to the palace in the evening for a second celebration.

    *****

    Now to my understanding, only 300 people were at the ceremony. So when I saw 650 people at the reception, then 300 again for an evening dinner it seemed a bit off to me.


    Out of 1,900 people invited to the ceremony, only 300 attended? That's a lot of no's.



    I'll admit to I was wrong to this part, but this still supports my idea that some guests were not invited to the reception.
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