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Engaged Groomsman Causing Issues

englandxoenglandxo member
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edited August 2013 in Snarky Brides
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Re: Engaged Groomsman Causing Issues

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You want to kick him out of your wedding party after he has done the only thing required of him - get the attire? Nope. No can do. He's not required to go to any pre-wedding parties. He's not required to go to any dinners. Also, you get one day for your wedding.

    And if you don't want them to know any further details about your wedding, don't tell them.
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  • LavenderHoneyBeeLavenderHoneyBee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Oh honey....there is so much wrong with this post. Mostly yours and you FI's attitude. I don't even know where to start, let's see.....

    #1 - You don't own 2013. So what the GM got engaged and planned a wedding before you. That's a risk you take when you have a TWO YEAR engagement. Other people's lives move on. It's clear that you're annoyed they are getting married before you and "stealing thunder". Get over it. It happens. Also - she isn't copying you. Or if she is - who gives a flying f? No one will notice these things but you. If you're so concerned about it, stop telling her things.

    #2 - No you can't kick out GM. You want to know why? He hasn't done anything wrong. ZILCH. Does it suck that he hasn't been able to attend some things? Sure, but he's busy. Why cant the bach date be moved? His FI's bday is pretty important. The bach can be any date, he can't exactly change her birthday.

    #3 - If your FI wants to step down from the party bc the two of you are too selfish to be happy for anybody else, then maybe he should. But he'll never have a friendship with this guy and will probably resent you for it.
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  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    Here's the back story:
    FI & I became engaged in November 2011. Asked all our Bridal Party to join us in celebrating, immediately. 

    July 2012 one Groomsman (GM) starts dating a new girl (after breaking off a prior engagement the month before), by February 2013 they are living together and now engaged. They set their wedding date 3 weeks before ours. To go along with that, they asked my FI to be part of their wedding. 

    Now the issue;
    We're getting down to the wire now, with our wedding date October 19, 2013. We are planning our Jack & Jill, along with the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. The GM in question is not coming to our J&J because his Bride-To-Be is having her Bridal Shower that day, and we have recently found out, he will not be attending my FI's bachelor party because it is her birthday. My FI has been the one heading the planning for the GM's Bachelor party. The GM has yet to attend any gatherings for the wedding. We have dinners periodically with our Bridal Party. The only thing he did show for was the suit fittings.

    I want him out of our party. I do not feel like he should be part of our special day, since he has yet to be part of anything thus far. I have no desire to attend their wedding. 

    Personally, I feel like their wedding is too much like ours. From what the Bride mentioned, they have similar wedding colours (not the same because I told her our colours), and we actually have very similar wedding dresses! I had mine ordered and home before they were even engaged (she saw pictures).

    I don't know what to do. I know FI wants out of their wedding, but he doesn't want to step down. For some reason, he would prefer being asked to step down. But my FI is being rather reserved on the GM remaining in our wedding party. I'd hate to say it, but I can replace him easily, with someone who would be grateful to be part of our celebration.
    Ok first thing's first. You cannot ask someone to step down or kick them out of your wedding party unless both you and your FI are prepared to end the friendship with them.
    Just because they became engaged after you and your FI, that does not mean they have to get married after you. They are entitled as an engaged couple to get married whenever they want. They can get married the DAY before your wedding if they want to. 

    Bachelor parties, bridal showers, and bridal party dinners are not mandatory or a requirement to be part of your wedding party. Realistically your wedding party is only responsible for showing up the day of the wedding in the proper attire. If the GM can't make the bachelor party, then he can't make it.  

    There are lots of similar wedding gowns. Maybe she likes the same style as you. It won't make a difference. She will not be at your wedding in her gown. Mutual friends won't even notice if they are attending both weddings. You are putting a little too much thought into this. It won't matter if she has even the exact same colors, same centerpieces or anything else that's the same as yours. The bride and groom will be different at each wedding. 

    The day is about your marriage, don't let someone else's party get in the way of that. If it bothers you too much that everything is the same, I would not talk wedding with her anymore.

     If you guys are prepared to no longer be friends with this couple, then by all means, if you want the GM out that badly...kick him out. Just remember that it will reflect poorly on you if you do so.

    edited- paragraphs
    Anniversary
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  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
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    englandxo said:
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    What?!? I couldn't tell it was deleted.
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  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I never understood why OPs DD when they've already been quoted... *sigh*
    Anniversary
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @alisonmarie658 - oh dear does that mean what I think it means?  are you a **gulp** Steelers fan?

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @alisonmarie658 - well I can forgive you for that.  My sister married a Browns fan and then lived in Pittsburgh (even owned a sweatshirt, I think more out of fear then anything) for 6 years.  Broke my Dad's heart (just kidding...kind of LOL!)  But the 2009 season was a hard one for us Raven's fans.  Losing 3 times to the Steelers.  Ugh, I don't want to think about it...too depressing!

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  • cmmurphy89cmmurphy89
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I agreed with all the PPs

    Since this person was your good friend and you were aware his wedding is taking place before his, I would have at least asked him, if he was available for the party dates (regardless of who was hosting them).  I mean you want him to attend and getting down to the wire you know how busy it is. If you truly wanted him, there I would have at least asked. 


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  • amakayebamakayeb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @alisonmarie658--if I tell you I'm a Packers fan, can I still be on Team LCMS?
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  • Cheetah2BCheetah2B member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    myrinae said:

    "We have dinners periodically with our Bridal Party"


    I had to stop reading after that. I envision this complete with PowerPoint presentations of seating charts and signed waivers promising to not wear any colors associated with the wedding until 3 years have passed. 
    Lmao like the couple from couples retreat?!

    Op, you've had plenty of honest answers. You posted in snarky brides, so getting butt hurt and deleting doesn't help when people quote you.

    My bridesmaids are my friends, and were all busy with life and kids and one is eloping on September 6th. That one and her fh are both active duty. To me, we're playing a we go. If you can afford your dress and your schedule allows time for the bachelorette party and the wedding, awesome. But if there's stuff in their lives that's more important, and they can only be there for the 20 minutes worth of ceremony, well awesome! Bc I am glad they were there for the most important part:fh and I saying our vows!
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