Adult only receptions.....

Cindy9714 · August 2013

Hi,

So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!

libby2483 · August 2013

Cindy9714 said: Hi, So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!

Actually, it is very rude to put anything like "adults only reception" on the invitation. You simply address the invitation to those who are invited. So, if you aren't inviting someone's child, don't put that child's name on the invitation. If you are inviting someone's child, do put that child's name on the invitation. If someone does RSVP with an uninvited child, simply call that person and politely inform them that the invitation was only meant for them and their SO, not their children. It is okay to invite some kids and not others, but it is often best to invite in "circles" (i.e., invite all nieces and nephews or all cousins).

AddieCake · August 2013

Cindy9714 said:

Hi,
So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!

Actually, you DON'T put that in with invitations. You don't tell people they aren't invited. You simply address the invitations to the people who ARE invited, and if they RSVP back with Tom, Jane, and little Susie, you call and explain that the invitation is just for Tom and Jane, not little Susie.

It's kind of rude to invite some kids and not others, unless you invite them in very clear circles.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

All you need to do is to list who is invited on the envelope. If a name is not on the envelope, that person is not invited. It is inappropriate to write anything about whom you are excluding anywhere.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Cindy9714 said:

Hi,
So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. It's against etiquette to put this in invitations. The reason is because you are saying who is NOT invited. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. So it's not "adults only". Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Any wording dictating this is against etiquette. Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!

Here's what you CAN do that's kosher with etiquette guidelines. Address the invitations to the people you want to invite. If John and Jane Smith have 3 children, you will address the invitation to John and Jane Smith only.

On your RSVP cards, you can phrase them this way:

"Name(s) ____________________________

___ # attending ceremony

___ # attending reception"

OR

"Two seats have been reserved in your honor.

___ # beef

___ # chicken"

You get the idea. This way, you'll know if your guests add additional people. If they do, you can follow up with them and say, "I see that you RSVP'd for 5 people. The invitation was for you and your husband/wife only. I apologize for any confusion, but we cannot accommodate additional guests. Please let me know if you and your husband/wife will be joining us.

It's super rude to say "adults only" anywhere because 1) it says who's NOT invited and 2) it implies that your guests are dumbasses who don't understand how to read an invitation.

libby2483 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.

This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.

This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?

This. OP - it's fine to have your brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews, but you risk offending people if you don't invite children in very defined, limited circles. Don't make any exceptions.

MrsMack10612 · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Cindy9714 said:

Hi,
So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. It's against etiquette to put this in invitations. The reason is because you are saying who is NOT invited. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. So it's not "adults only". Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Any wording dictating this is against etiquette. Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!
Here's what you CAN do that's kosher with etiquette guidelines. Address the invitations to the people you want to invite. If John and Jane Smith have 3 children, you will address the invitation to John and Jane Smith only.

On your RSVP cards, you can phrase them this way:

"Name(s) ____________________________

___ # attending ceremony

___ # attending reception"

OR

"Two seats have been reserved in your honor.

___ # beef

___ # chicken"

You get the idea. This way, you'll know if your guests add additional people. If they do, you can follow up with them and say, "I see that you RSVP'd for 5 people. The invitation was for you and your husband/wife only. I apologize for any confusion, but we cannot accommodate additional guests. Please let me know if you and your husband/wife will be joining us.

It's super rude to say "adults only" anywhere because 1) it says who's NOT invited and 2) it implies that your guests are dumbasses who don't understand how to read an invitation.

Sometimes people are dumbasses that don't know how to read an invitation. I sent one to a cousin who has 6 children. Addressed it to ONLY he and his wife. Our RSVP cards were personalized so that it said who was attending. He still emailed me to ask/confirm it was a no kid event.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

Don't put it on the invite.

Make clear cutoffs like siblings & nieces and nephews. The kids you babysat are not a clear cutoff and open you up to have other people pissed.

libby2483 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.

This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?

That's actually something that I got off of this website. I come from a large family and all of my cousins have kids. They have attended weddings where they left early since they had their kids with them. I left another option below that which I also got from this website.

Unfortunately, The Knot often gives information that is against etiquette. People can certainly choose to leave early if they have children, and many will, but telling them (or even asking them) to do so is very rude.

ETA: Also, in regards to having a "children's room", this is also rude if you are requiring/asking guests to leave their children here. It is certainly fine to provide as an optional service, but some guests won't want to leave their children in a different room, and it would be rude expect that all guests would do so and the rest of the wedding would be a child-free area.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

Where did you see on TK that it was ok to ask people to leave your reception?

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

MrsMack10612 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Cindy9714 said:

Hi,
So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. It's against etiquette to put this in invitations. The reason is because you are saying who is NOT invited. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. So it's not "adults only". Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Any wording dictating this is against etiquette. Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!
Here's what you CAN do that's kosher with etiquette guidelines. Address the invitations to the people you want to invite. If John and Jane Smith have 3 children, you will address the invitation to John and Jane Smith only.

On your RSVP cards, you can phrase them this way:

"Name(s) ____________________________

___ # attending ceremony

___ # attending reception"

OR

"Two seats have been reserved in your honor.

___ # beef

___ # chicken"

You get the idea. This way, you'll know if your guests add additional people. If they do, you can follow up with them and say, "I see that you RSVP'd for 5 people. The invitation was for you and your husband/wife only. I apologize for any confusion, but we cannot accommodate additional guests. Please let me know if you and your husband/wife will be joining us.

It's super rude to say "adults only" anywhere because 1) it says who's NOT invited and 2) it implies that your guests are dumbasses who don't understand how to read an invitation.
Sometimes people are dumbasses that don't know how to read an invitation. I sent one to a cousin who has 6 children. Addressed it to ONLY he and his wife. Our RSVP cards were personalized so that it said who was attending. He still emailed me to ask/confirm it was a no kid event.

You don't insult all guests because you think one person might respond this way. Proper etiquette is to address people as if they're not dumbasses (i.e. do NOT say "adults only") and then follow up with people who don't understand.

AddieCake · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only.

Ummm, no. The reception is for your guests. ALL of your guests. For the ENTIRE time.

MayDay513 · August 2013

misssunshine17 said:

Don't put it on the invite.

Make clear cutoffs like siblings & nieces and nephews. The kids you babysat are not a clear cutoff and open you up to have other people pissed.

THIS.

Cindy9714 · August 2013

Thanks for the replies. We will figure it out

libby2483 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.

This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?

That's actually something that I got off of this website. I come from a large family and all of my cousins have kids. They have attended weddings where they left early since they had their kids with them. I left another option below that which I also got from this website.

Unfortunately, The Knot often gives information that is against etiquette. People can certainly choose to leave early if they have children, and many will, but telling them (or even asking them) to do so is very rude.

Okay. I understand now. I apologize. When I finally do end getting married, I plan to have a separate section of the reception for the children in my family. Since I have such a large family and they all have kids, I can't ask them not to bring their children.

My BF's brother and sister in law put it on their invitations that it was an adult only wedding and that pissed some people off. To the OP, just know the can of worms you open if you invite certain children and not others.

This is fine if you are providing a children's area as an optional service for your guests. But what will you do if someone doesn't want to leave their child there with a babysitter that they may or may not know? Is that person allowed to have their child in the "main" wedding area?

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.
This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?
That's actually something that I got off of this website. I come from a large family and all of my cousins have kids. They have attended weddings where they left early since they had their kids with them. I left another option below that which I also got from this website.

This website is full of bad advice! If you listen to a lot of the Knot's ideas, it will also tell you to make your BP your unpaid slaves for the duration of wedding planning. Most of TK's ideas want you to spend more money to keep the wedding industry turning. You will get proper etiquette from us here on the Community board. We provide guest centric planning ideas, so that your family and friends will still like you by the time your wedding comes around. If you do all of TK's ideas, you will have many friends and family mad, side eyeing everything you do, or wanting to end a friendship.

libby2483 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.

This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?

That's actually something that I got off of this website. I come from a large family and all of my cousins have kids. They have attended weddings where they left early since they had their kids with them. I left another option below that which I also got from this website.

Unfortunately, The Knot often gives information that is against etiquette. People can certainly choose to leave early if they have children, and many will, but telling them (or even asking them) to do so is very rude.

Okay. I understand now. I apologize. When I finally do end getting married, I plan to have a separate section of the reception for the children in my family. Since I have such a large family and they all have kids, I can't ask them not to bring their children.

My BF's brother and sister in law put it on their invitations that it was an adult only wedding and that pissed some people off. To the OP, just know the can of worms you open if you invite certain children and not others.

This is fine if you are providing a children's area as an optional service for your guests. But what will you do if someone doesn't want to leave their child there with a babysitter that they may or may not know? Is that person allowed to have their child in the "main" wedding area?

Of course. I just know from my own experience being a young kid in a wedding that sometimes it isn't fun staying with the adults. I'm not going to force my guests to make their children stay out of my reception and if certain guests don't like it, oh well. Unfortunately with a large family and plenty of kids it can be a lot of drama. I want everyone to have a good time, adults and children included. Plus, I'm nowhere near engaged yet so planning this kind of thing isn't in my near future.

I would never think of forcing anyone to do something like that. It may have read as that way above but I would never do so.

Oh, that's good! I just misunderstood your post. I think that providing a children's area can be a nice option, as long as it isn't "required". There actually was a bride on here a little while back who basically wanted to quarantine the children and not allow them to be anywhere else but their "assigned" area. People come up with some crazy ideas, so I'm glad that's not what you're thinking!

Jen4948 · August 2013

"Adults only" doesn't go on invitations at all. It's rude to indicate on an invitation who isn't invited.

I don't know why people aren't aware of the rule that only those listed on the invitation are invited, but some people are not and then get very offended to be told that the invitation does not include their kids, dates, or other guests whose names were not listed. Unfortunately, etiquette requires that if these people do RSVP for uninvited guests, the host/ess has to call them to clarify this. It's a rotten position to be put in, but there aren't any other polite options.

grumbledore · August 2013

Cindy9714 said:

Hi,
So my fiance and I are interested in having an adult only reception. We know to put that in with the invitations. My issue is...even though we are asking folks to leave the kidos at home there will be kids...I have little brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews as well as kids that I've nannied for that I want to be there. Basically we need folks to keeps kids at home to keep cost down and noise. So can anyone help with wording or suggest a website that would help get this across? Either way I feel like people will be offended if we specifically say "adults only" and we have kids who are blood related to us there. We just cant pay for our best friends, girlfriends kid or a second cousins kid who we never meet but they need and invite because mom asked you to invite them..

Thanks!

It sounds like your wedding isn't "adults only" at all. I imagine some people are going to be offended considering it sounds like quite a few children will be attending your wedding.

And I wouldn't put "no kids" on the invitation. Address the invite to Name & Name, maybe add something like like "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" to make it clear.

grumbledore · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

libby2483 said:

aliciaharrison said:

Honestly, you can't say you're having an adult only wedding but make exceptions for certain people. It's either an adult only wedding or it's not. It can be rude to tell someone their children aren't invited but when they show up there are children. What I would suggest to you is to allow children for a certain amount of time and then say that since it's getting late you want to have the adults only. Most people who have children will most likely start to leave early because of their children.

The other option is to have a room off of your main reception room where the children can have fun and the parents aren't worrying the entire night.

This is bad advice. When you invite someone to an event, like a wedding, that person is invited to the entire event. It would be very rude to tell people that their children need to leave at a certain time. What are they supposed to do, either leave with their children or have a babysitter come pick them up?

That's actually something that I got off of this website. I come from a large family and all of my cousins have kids. They have attended weddings where they left early since they had their kids with them. I left another option below that which I also got from this website.

TK publishes loads of bad advice.

jessicabessica · August 2013

misssunshine17 said:

Don't put it on the invite.

Make clear cutoffs like siblings & nieces and nephews. The kids you babysat are not a clear cutoff and open you up to have other people pissed.

A clear cutoff is good, but I think it's okay to invite some others. Are the parents of the uninvited kids going to go around asking each kid how they're related to figure out if they should feel slighted or not? I agree that inviting in circles is generally a smart way to go, but I don't think you're doomed if you make exceptions.

Cindy9714 · August 2013

@misssunshine17 the children I've NANNIED for are like family. I've raised them since birth. They definitely would be included in the family circle.

I'm actually surprised about how many people think speciffically not inviting children who aren't blood related is rude. One would think that an opportunity for parents to have a night "out" would be welcomed. I think if its not written somewhere in the invitation that the couple would get a lot of phone calls about if the kids can come or the couple would be making a lot of calls if the RSVPs come back with with 5 RSVPs and not 2 like the invite suggests. I think it's better to politely say it in the invite. And it wouldn't suggest that my guests are "dumbasses" but to some folks things aren't clear unless written out.

We will definitely have to figure a way to let guest know that due to budget issues only the invite is just for the couple. If it offends people...well there's not much I can do. I'm planning a wedding for us not for others. However, I'm pretty positive that our family and friends will understand.

The post was actually prompted after going to a wedding where the kids were out of control and their ceremony was ruined by kids screaming, crying and running up to the couple. I felt so bad for them and wouldn't like that if it was me.

Anyhow, thanks for all the post - who knew an adult only reception would be so popular!

Viczaesar · August 2013

Cindy9714 said:

@misssunshine17 the children I've NANNIED for are like family. I've raised them since birth. They definitely would be included in the family circle. I'm actually surprised about how many people think speciffically not inviting children who aren't blood related is rude. One would think that an opportunity for parents to have a night "out" would be welcomed. I think if its not written somewhere in the invitation that the couple would get a lot of phone calls about if the kids can come or the couple would be making a lot of calls if the RSVPs come back with with 5 RSVPs and not 2 like the invite suggests. I think it's better to politely say it in the invite. And it wouldn't suggest that my guests are "dumbasses" but to some folks things aren't clear unless written out. We will definitely have to figure a way to let guest know that due to budget issues only the invite is just for the couple. If it offends people...well there's not much I can do. I'm planning a wedding for us not for others. However, I'm pretty positive that our family and friends will understand. The post was actually prompted after going to a wedding where the kids were out of control and their ceremony was ruined by kids screaming, crying and running up to the couple. I felt so bad for them and wouldn't like that if it was me. Anyhow, thanks for all the post - who knew an adult only reception would be so popular!

This line of justification is super annoying. If people want a night out without their kids they're perfectly capable of making arrangements for a sitter, and if people want to party at a wedding without their kids they'll make arrangements to do so even if the child is invited. Don't pretend like you're doing it as a favor to the parents. It's fine if you simply want a child-free wedding because you don't like kids, or don't want them to interrupt the ceremony, or for financial reasons, but own your reason. If you're only doing it to let people have a night without their kids, don't.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

If you didn't want actual advice and are going to just do what you want anyway, why did you post?

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

Cindy9714 said:

@misssunshine17 the children I've NANNIED for are like family. I've raised them since birth. They definitely would be included in the family circle. I'm actually surprised about how many people think speciffically not inviting children who aren't blood related is rude. One would think that an opportunity for parents to have a night "out" would be welcomed. I think if its not written somewhere in the invitation that the couple would get a lot of phone calls about if the kids can come or the couple would be making a lot of calls if the RSVPs come back with with 5 RSVPs and not 2 like the invite suggests. I think it's better to politely say it in the invite. And it wouldn't suggest that my guests are "dumbasses" but to some folks things aren't clear unless written out. We will definitely have to figure a way to let guest know that due to budget issues only the invite is just for the couple. If it offends people...well there's not much I can do. I'm planning a wedding for us not for others. However, I'm pretty positive that our family and friends will understand. The post was actually prompted after going to a wedding where the kids were out of control and their ceremony was ruined by kids screaming, crying and running up to the couple. I felt so bad for them and wouldn't like that if it was me. Anyhow, thanks for all the post - who knew an adult only reception would be so popular!

1. If parents wanted a "night off" they'd take one. Your wedding isn't a favor for them to give them a night off

2.I think you're wrong about that but even if you're not, that's just a part of planning. If people call to ask if their kids are invited you simply say "I'm sorry, the invite was just for you and Bill. Hope to see you then!". If they RSVP for their kids you call and say the same thing. I'd bet money that you'll get the same calls even if you did put "adults only".

3. The best way to make your invites is to list those who are invited ("Bill and Jane Smith") and on the RSVP card put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor. __/2 attending, etc.

4. It will suggest they're dumbasses. Seriously, if an invite says "Bill and Jane Smith" how much clearer can you get?

5. Actually, you can attempt not to offend them in the first place. The ceremony is for you but the reception is for your guests. There's plenty you can do.

6. You have no idea if your friend and family would understand. I doubt theyd say something to you as they may not want to hurt your feelings.

7. Lastly, did that couple still get married? Then their ceremony wasn't ruined.

PeachesNCream22 · August 2013

I'm pretty sure you can't invite some kids and not all kids without hurting feelings in a BIG way. Remember, all parents think their kids are special. When they get there and see other kids they're not going to think, "how are these kids closer to the couple than my kid?" Parents don't think logically after they've just been inconvenienced by hiring a sitter. They're going to see the other kids and get upset.

That said, it's not up to them. It's up to you. If you want to risk upsetting them, go right ahead. It's your wedding and your choice. They'll deal with it.

Also, if you're curious, here's a good list of excuses on how to dis-invite kids gracefully.

aurianna · August 2013

PeachesNCream22 said:

I'm pretty sure you can't invite some kids and not all kids without hurting feelings in a BIG way. Remember, all parents think their kids are special. When they get there and see other kids they're not going to think, "how are these kids closer to the couple than my kid?" Parents don't think logically after they've just been inconvenienced by hiring a sitter. They're going to see the other kids and get upset.

That said, it's not up to them. It's up to you. If you want to risk upsetting them, go right ahead. It's your wedding and your choice. They'll deal with it.

Also, if you're curious, here's a good list of excuses on how to dis-invite kids gracefully.

Inviting in circles is definitely the best way to go to avoid hurt feelings... but personally I feel like it isn't really rude to pick and choose specific kids (assuming you don't break up families). I don't see it much differently than picking and choosing certain adults... Maybe you're really good friends with Marsha and Cindy, but only acquainted with Jan and Alice... so you invite Marsha and Cindy and their SOs, but not Jan or Alice. Well maybe you've nannied for Bobby and have a close relationship with him but not with Cindy's son Tiger... so you invite Bobby, but not Tiger. I don't see that as so wrong, as long as you understand that a lot of people think their special snowflakes should be invited everywhere and might get their panties in a bunch.
But that's not a popular opinion here...

Inviting in circles is the best way to keep from offending people (even if I don't think they have the right to be offended to begin with). Maybe invite nieces, nephews and nanny kids, but not friends' kids or more distant family. Something like that.

OP, your first instinct was correct. It would be confusing to say "Adults Only" on the invite, only for people to come to the reception and see kids. It's actually always rude to spell out who isn't invited on an invite, but in this case it would be even more rude, because it would be a lie.

We invited no kids to our wedding. We simply wrote exactly who the invite was for on the envelopes and left a space for people to write their names next to their meal choices, as well as let my MIL know in case anyone on her side asked about kids. We received 115 responses. Out of those only ONE family sent back the RSVPs with their kid written in. I simply called him and let him know the invite was just for he and his wife and said I hoped they could still attend. We had NO one call us confused, asking if kids were invited. Most people understand that the people listed on the invitation are the ones that are invited; anyone that doesn't would probably also ignore the adults only text anyway.

It's sweet that you want to give parents the night off, however parents could choose not to bring their children to the wedding and have the night off even if their kids were invited. I would stop giving this reason because it might just offend people who don't want to take nights off from their kids or those who feel like they could do so on their own without special help from your invite.
You simply don't want to invite a lot of kids for other reasons (cost/space/behavior) and that is fine. That's why we didn't invite kids. The beauty is you really don't owe anyone an explanation for your guest list. You can just say: "Cindy, you and your spouse are invited to our wedding." and then only if asked "I'm sorry, but we can't accommodate little Tiger, but we hope you can still attend!"
I would NOT say: "Cindy, we figured you were tired of Tiger so we just wanted to let you know the wedding is ADULTS ONLY to give you the night off... except for all those other kids that will be there."

Just address the invites to those invited and if you want to be extra specific put their names on the RSVP card for them / put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" / ask them to write their initials by meal choice / etc.
If you do that, 90% of your guest list will understand, and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you sent a polite invite. You might have to field some calls, but that is just what goes into hosting an event.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

PeachesNCream22 said:

I'm pretty sure you can't invite some kids and not all kids without hurting feelings in a BIG way. Remember, all parents think their kids are special. When they get there and see other kids they're not going to think, "how are these kids closer to the couple than my kid?" Parents don't think logically after they've just been inconvenienced by hiring a sitter. They're going to see the other kids and get upset.

That said, it's not up to them. It's up to you. If you want to risk upsetting them, go right ahead. It's your wedding and your choice. They'll deal with it.

Also, if you're curious, here's a good list of excuses on how to dis-invite kids gracefully.

That was a crappy article IMO. And you don't dis-invite wedding guests period, but you can't dis-invite a kid that wasn't invited in the first place.

I'm also in the invite some kids but not others camp. If we knew the kids and had a relationship with them. Family kids, kids that our kids our friends with, etc. Kids we'd never met before weren't invited.

If getting sitter is so inconvenient for them they can decline.

Adult only receptions.....

Re: Adult only receptions.....

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