Questioning my maids

Viczaesar · July 2013

mrsjclmaxwell said:

ok so when I got engaged I already knew who i wanted for my 4 BMs. Its only been a month sinced I asked them and I already regret asking 2 of them. My MOH (sis) has kids and is busy, I understand, but she flakes out on me with everything I ask. I know that MOH shouldnt really do anything except buy the dress and show up, but its my sister and kinda expect a little participation out of her. My other BM she has twins, so I know she is busy lol. Her and her husband (which is a GM) are good friends with my fiance and I. I feel like she could care less about the wedding and everything to do with it. No clue what to do with either one of them. I try my hardest to keep contact and talk but its hard to have a one-sided relationship. My other 2 BM are perfect.

I want to just take the whole BP out, but fiance says everything will work out and be ok and i should not worry so much. Its hard to just sit back and not do anything.

Well, you shouldn't. You definitely shouldn't kick anybody out of your wedding party. You asked them, they're in. Scale back your expectations big league and you'll be a lot happier. There's nothing you need to do with either of them; neither of them are doing anything wrong.

manateehugger · July 2013

mrsjclmaxwell said:

ok so when I got engaged I already knew who i wanted for my 4 BMs. Its only been a month sinced I asked them and I already regret asking 2 of them. My MOH (sis) has kids and is busy, I understand, but she flakes out on me with everything I ask. I know that MOH shouldnt really do anything except buy the dress and show up, but its my sister and kinda expect a little participation out of her. My other BM she has twins, so I know she is busy lol. Her and her husband (which is a GM) are good friends with my fiance and I. I feel like she could care less about the wedding and everything to do with it. No clue what to do with either one of them. I try my hardest to keep contact and talk but its hard to have a one-sided relationship. My other 2 BM are perfect.

I want to just take the whole BP out, but fiance says everything will work out and be ok and i should not worry so much. Its hard to just sit back and not do anything.

Umm if you know they don't really have any duties, what are you expecting here? Do you talk about wedding non-stop with them? That might be why they are avoiding you.

What do you really need from them at this point?

MairePoppy · July 2013

What are you asking your wedding party to do?

You and your fi should plan your own wedding. If you need help then you should either scale back your plans to what you can manage or hire a wedding planner.

Don't kick anyone out of your wedding party.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

I never understand why brides always want people to be super involved in planning stuff.

It's like people are complaining about that or they're complaining that people are way TOO involved.

I don't get it. You and your FI plan your wedding. If someone else is chipping in, they also get a say. Your attendants buy the attire and show up. That's it. Uncomplicated.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

RetreadBride said:

The planning is the job of your husband and your fiance, not your bridesmaids. I'm certain they're excited for you, but enthusiasm will be limited because it is Not. Their. Wedding. It is Not. Their. Life.

When is your wedding? If it's more than a year away, then there's not much for them to get excited about at this point.

Is there something I missed here? She has a husband AND a fiance?

AddieCake · July 2013

They don't need to do anything and you shouldn't kick anyone out.

There. Now that you know there is nothing to worry about, go have a margarita.

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

Really, you are expecting too much. This wedding is the center of your universe, but its ONE day in the other folks' lives. Its really unreasonable to expect more than the bridal party to show up sober and dressed appropriately.

Would it be nice? Sure. However, just because she is your sister doesn't mean she is supposed to be at your beck n' call.

AddieCake · July 2013

fyrefly76 said:

AddieL73 said:

They don't need to do anything and you shouldn't kick anyone out.

There. Now that you know there is nothing to worry about, go have a margarita.

How much do I love that a margarita is your answer to everything?

Hahaha!

MandyLovesMarc · July 2013

The ladies are right. You cannot expect or demand BM's or GM, for that matter, to do anything other than to show up. Did my girls pitch in alot and help, sure! But did they actually plan our wedding? Nope. We did. I bounced ideas off of them, but didn't demand or expect them to drop their lives for my wedding.

For what it's worth, I'm also a mom. Even though I was planning a wedding, parenting doesn't stop. Your BM with her twins is BUSY. Kicking them out would be horrible,

Emmy1493 · August 2013

While I see where you might feel frustrated, I do also agree with the PP's. Two out of five of my BM's have kids, one living almost five hours away. I was aware when I had asked them, that they have their own lives, as I am sure you were aware too. I know that my BM's don't have any other obligations besides having their dress, showing up on time, etc, and that's fine with me. If they want to call me up and talk my ear off about my wedding, that's fine too. However, I have learned not to push all of that on my girls. Being there for them aside from wedding stuff is the best policy.After your wedding ends, life goes on and I am sure you will want good relationships with them after all of it is over. Best of luck, and congrats to you on your big day!

Bookie7 · August 2013

I feel your pain about your MOH and/or bridesmaids not living up to your expectations. The reality of it is that this is YOUR WEDDING. If you ask your MOH or maids opinions on things, or "will you come with me to check this out," I'm sure they would be more than happy. But they're not supposed to help plan your wedding. Their main responsibilities are to wear what you tell them and show up at such-and-such time.

I had a hard time with this as well, and unfortunately it has caused me a lot of unecessary stress over the past few months. Just keep in mind, this is your day; you and your fiance will love every moment of what the two of you plan.

BethanyandJacob · August 2013

mrsjclmaxwell said:

I try my hardest to keep contact and talk but its hard to have a one-sided relationship. My other 2 BM are perfect.

I'd like to point out that it seems that you did not feel that the relationships were one-sided before you started planning the wedding. I would suggest that you revert back to your pre-engagement frequency of communication with each, and see if that improves the situation.

erinlin25 · August 2013

your bridesmaids have children-- their kids/families take priority over your wedding. Sorry, but no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are. All they should do is order the chosen dress on time and show up in it on your wedding day. While it is nice to have people get excited for you and talk wedding all day long, it does not always work that way. So lower your expectations a bit and enjoy the fact that you have 2 other friends who are in to helping out more than expected. Remember, you pick your bridesmaids as people who are closest to you---not people who will do the most for you!

heidirs731 · August 2013

You never stated what you expect your BMs to be doing and they are not.

I agree with other posters. BMs are required to buy a dress and show up. If they want to help out more, that's great, but it's not required.

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