Guest List Dilemma!

louandbean · August 2013

@huynhette it's April 4th of next year. Friday evening, at 7PM!

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

My bad. I was thinking it was just out of the range.

There's a good chance you're going to get as many declines so I am still thinking a backup plan if that happens could be good.

Can the caterer work with your new budget? Can you skip the caterer and order platters from a restaurant and use chafing dishes? That's what I'm doing for my RD. I'm paying $350 with alcohol for a full meal for 30 people.

What kind of budget are you working with? I'm trying to think outside the box

Maggie0829 · August 2013

@louandbean - yeah I would be all over spending $35 again for invites and saving a boat load of money on food by just moving the start of the ceremony later by about an hour and a half.

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

I'm glad you understand that a 7 pm wedding needs to have dinner served. Another place you can cut budget is by getting sheet cakes to cut in this back from your grocery store or Costco, and do a small round cake to cut. I agree about cutting linens, and I think chair covers are definitely cut-able. What are you doing for centerpieces?? Cut any floral costs from there and just do tiered candles or floating votives which can be much cheaper. Dollar tree has vases. Have your bms carry one single flower instead of full bouquets. Or if you are super ambitious, make your own from silk flowers ahead of time. If you are getting an mc with your dj, cut him and get rid if any lighting they may be doing? Not necessary.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

@louandbean - yeah I would be all over spending $35 again for invites and saving a boat load of money on food by just moving the start of the ceremony later by about an hour and a half.

that solves all problems! Maggiesosmart!

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:
@louandbean - yeah I would be all over spending $35 again for invites and saving a boat load of money on food by just moving the start of the ceremony later by about an hour and a half.

This is a great idea too, especially now that you have that handy groupon. I don't particularly like Friday weddings because I feel so rushed coming home from work and hurrying to get ready and get there by 6 or 7 in your case. I would probably prefer an 8:30 wedding because then I could come home, throw something together for dinner while getting ready and go to the wedding for drinks, dancing, and dessert (and the vows!!).

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

me too.

louandbean · August 2013

@MuppetOverlord -- no problem, that's what a couple of family members had suggested.

I know there are going to be quite a few OOT guests who won't be coming, especially with school/work. I just don't want to risk it (my Mom said she had 150% responded yes to her wedding, however THAT happened).

We haven't sat down with the caterer to talk just yet; we're waiting for school to start so FI and my schedules start to clear up The caterer is #1 priority for FI, so I don't know if ordering platters would work for him-- he's already compromised with me about no kids.

The budget is not completely settled-- but student loans and other unforeseen costs have come up. We have to have transportation-- so rather than a trolley (like we originally planned), it looks like friends of my aunt and my uncle are going to be shuttling guests in church vans (save $700). Since the wedding is in April, and we are in WV we're defintely going to have to have at least one tent. Most everything has already been bought that needs to be bought (flowers, accessories, dress, shoes, centerpieces, and stationary). The biggest things we're dealing with now are the vendors. So it's hard to cut corners, but I don't have much of an option.

louandbean · August 2013

@Maggie0829 that's definitely a good idea and one I can suggest to my FI.

@lwoehlk His Aunt is doing our cake, and I'm doing the centerpieces with wholesale items I found! The chair covers aren't going to be necessary, and my mom's co-worker is letting us borrow some tablecloths! Flowers have already been bought, but they were relatively inexpensive (I was happy with how they turned out, too!). We aren't having a MC, the deejays we've talked to do that themselves. I don't want any tacky disco balls either

Sounds like we've come to a good solution! Thank you all for your help.

MayDay513 · August 2013

Whatever you do, please do not skimp on vendor tips. Is saving more money an option? Being that you have 7 months to go?

louandbean · August 2013

@huynhette I definitely won't, especially the ones who have worked very well with me so far.

It will be difficult to-- my FI had to start renting his own house (which is very old, and not very energy efficient), and we're both students who have many credit hours and very little time to work during school. I graduate in December, so it gives me a little bit of time, but obviously not very much time to find a steady job/save money.

courtski2004 · August 2013

louandbean said:

@huynhette it's April 4th of next year. Friday evening, at 7PM!

There is a lot of time between now and then to save. Are either of you able to get a second job to help supplement what you're short? There are tons of ways to bridge the gap if you get creative.

For alcohol, I'm not sure what your venue policy is, but we brought in beer and wine offerings that only cost us $300 for 130 people. 2 kegs and Bota Box wine. Liquor is really what adds up.

ashleyep · August 2013

louandbean said:

@Maggie0829 that's definitely a good idea and one I can suggest to my FI.
@lwoehlk His Aunt is doing our cake, and I'm doing the centerpieces with wholesale items I found! The chair covers aren't going to be necessary, and my mom's co-worker is letting us borrow some tablecloths! Flowers have already been bought, but they were relatively inexpensive (I was happy with how they turned out, too!). We aren't having a MC, the deejays we've talked to do that themselves. I don't want any tacky disco balls either
Sounds like we've come to a good solution! Thank you all for your help.

Could you cut the DJ (you'd probably lose a deposit) and have an iPod playlist?

MayDay513 · August 2013

I could be wrong and this is not etiquette based at all, but maybe you should wait to send out your save the dates until after you have met with your caterer. Unless you are sure of how much it will costs. It sounds like you have already had to cut people, and the worse thing would be is to uninvite someone who got a save the date. Make sure you know the total cost, food fees, staffing, gratuity, service charges etc. It is still a little early to send out the STDs.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

huynhette said:

I could be wrong and this is not etiquette based at all, but maybe you should wait to send out your save the dates until after you have met with your caterer. Unless you are sure of how much it will costs. It sounds like you have already had to cut people, and the worse thing would be is to uninvite someone who got a save the date. Make sure you know the total cost, food fees, staffing, gratuity, service charges etc. It is still a little early to send out the STDs.

@huynehette - now look at who is the smart one

APDSS22 · August 2013

louandbean said:

@huynhette I definitely won't, especially the ones who have worked very well with me so far.
It will be difficult to-- my FI had to start renting his own house (which is very old, and not very energy efficient), and we're both students who have many credit hours and very little time to work during school. I graduate in December, so it gives me a little bit of time, but obviously not very much time to find a steady job/save money.

NWR: I don't know if you've heard this yet and I don't want to scare you but if you're graduating in December, you might want to make sure you're looking for work and getting your resume out to companies now if you want a professional job. (Not trying to look after you've graduated and are in major wedding stress mode.) The market is terrible right now. If this is inapplicable because your uncle owns a business or you've had an internship every summer with a guaranteed job placement contingent upon graduation, feel free to ignore me.

louandbean · August 2013

@courtski2004 We still have time, but most of it will be spent in school. He has 18 hours, and I have 19. Thank goodness it is a woman's house we're renting and she doesn't have ridiculous policies about bringing in alcohol, or really anything for that matter. Thanks for the suggestion!

@ashleyep that would still leave me to find stereo speakers/equipment The DJ is $400. So I'm wondering if it would be just as expensive to rent the equipment? I don't even know where I could rent speakers from.

@huynhette You're right-- I should wait to send them out. I will get a meeting with our caterer soon and then send them out!

louandbean · August 2013

@TheFutureMrsRohlman22 Thank goodness I have a job, that should be pretty steady even through this semester. My boss has hinted at an offer after graduation!

louandbean · August 2013

@TheFutureMrsRohlman22 But I'm not going to put all of my eggs in one basket

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

louandbean said:

@TheFutureMrsRohlman22 Thank goodness I have a job, that should be pretty steady even through this semester. My boss has hinted at an offer after graduation!

Hinted, not made an offer outright? If your boss has only hinted, I would take TheFutureMrs' advice.

Viczaesar · August 2013

louandbean said:

Thing is-- it's already a low-budget wedding. The most expensive parts are the venue (which will be used for Rehearsal, RD, Ceremony, AND Reception) the catering, and the tents/tables/chairs rental (pretty much non-negotiable). FI and I haven't even began to think about alcohol (he's a fraternity guy, I'm a sorority girl-- talk about getting expensive). Our food is as inexpensive as it's going to get-- we're service pasta dishes. Our decorations are DIY as well as our programs. We don't have a videographer at all... This is where I begin to think where am I going to cut my budget?

Not by cutting people to whom you've already verbally extended an invitation, which you did by asking for their address specifically for the purpose of sending them a printed STD.

louandbean · August 2013

@PrettyGirlLost exactly why I said I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket.

louandbean · August 2013

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

MayDay513 · August 2013

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

HUH? I am confused are you trying to push back your ceremony to avoid a meal time? Or are you planning on having your ceremony at 5:30pm on a Friday? If so, be prepared to have a lot of declines.

This is probably a stupid question, but does your WP know you are having your wedding on a Friday?

Edit: I am really really really confused by your post.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

Are you talking about having a tiered reception? Meaning close friends and family for ceremony and dinner and then the rest of the people for the party portion? Because that is really rude.

Or are you cutting your guest list down to immediate family only, meaning a very small ceremony? This would only be doable if you canceled your current wedding and then made a new date with a fresh guest list.

I am now really confused.

MayDay513 · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

Are you talking about having a tiered reception? Meaning close friends and family for ceremony and dinner and then the rest of the people for the party portion? Because that is really rude.

Or are you cutting your guest list down to immediate family only, meaning a very small ceremony? This would only be doable if you canceled your current wedding and then made a new date with a fresh guest list.

I am now really confused.

Ok. I'm glad I was not the only one super confused. I was like what the eff did I miss?

ashleyep · August 2013

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

HUH? I am confused are you trying to push back your ceremony to avoid a meal time? Or are you planning on having your ceremony at 5:30pm on a Friday? If so, be prepared to have a lot of declines.

This is probably a stupid question, but does your WP know you are having your wedding on a Friday?

Edit: I am really really really confused by your post.

She was pushing the wedding back so she could serve hors d'oeuvres instead of a full meal.

Now that she's not serving a full meal, she wants to feed her immediate family/wedding party before the ceremony. Is it a tiered reception if it happens before the ceremony?! LOL

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

louandbean said:
So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

That sounds like a tiered reception with a gap. . .not good.

You have to figure out who/how many you can host for a reception, and host them properly the entire time. So feeding them a meal if the reception is at a meal time, etc.

MayDay513 · August 2013

ashleyep said:

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

HUH? I am confused are you trying to push back your ceremony to avoid a meal time? Or are you planning on having your ceremony at 5:30pm on a Friday? If so, be prepared to have a lot of declines.

This is probably a stupid question, but does your WP know you are having your wedding on a Friday?

Edit: I am really really really confused by your post.

She was pushing the wedding back so she could serve hors d'oeuvres instead of a full meal.

Now that she's not serving a full meal, she wants to feed her immediate family/wedding party before the ceremony. Is it a tiered reception if it happens before the ceremony?! LOL

Exactly why I was confused. I was like wtf did we advise that resulted in a solution of tierer reception and a giant gap.

ashleyep · August 2013

huynhette said:

ashleyep said:

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

HUH? I am confused are you trying to push back your ceremony to avoid a meal time? Or are you planning on having your ceremony at 5:30pm on a Friday? If so, be prepared to have a lot of declines.

This is probably a stupid question, but does your WP know you are having your wedding on a Friday?

Edit: I am really really really confused by your post.

She was pushing the wedding back so she could serve hors d'oeuvres instead of a full meal.

Now that she's not serving a full meal, she wants to feed her immediate family/wedding party before the ceremony. Is it a tiered reception if it happens before the ceremony?! LOL

Exactly why I was confused. I was like wtf did we advise that resulted in a solution of tierer reception and a giant gap.

There's no gap though. The ceremony and reception is happening later (7:30/8ish?) She just wants to have a sit down dinner with her family before hand. I don't know what the etiquette in that is.

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