maid of honor dropped out of wedding

Hendrix13 · July 2013

so my sister decided to drop out of the wedding. she was also my maid of honor.. I tried to include her in my wedding but then she pulls this stunt. my fi feels i should replace her so we will have the same amount standing on each side. on hand i would like to have someone but then again on the other Im not so sure i should .. dont know what to do?

manateehugger · July 2013

Hendrix13 said:

so my sister decided to drop out of the wedding. she was also my maid of honor.. I tried to include her in my wedding but then she pulls this stunt. my fi feels i should replace her so we will have the same amount standing on each side. on hand i would like to have someone but then again on the other Im not so sure i should .. dont know what to do?

I'm very sorry that your sister dropped out. However, I think you should absolutely not replace her. Even sides really don't matter as much as having people you care about stand by you. Don't "promote" another bridesmaid either.

Can you imagine what that replacement would fee like? "I'm only good enough to be a bridesmaid now that someone else dropped out"

Viczaesar · July 2013

Definitely don't replace her.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

Don't replace her. It says to your sister she is replaceable, and although we don't really know what happened from your you explained...I'm not sure you want to send that message. But even more a reason not to, the girl you choose to replace her with will know she was a replacement. She will know she was not important enough to you to be asked in the first place and now is important enough to make your sides look even. Don't do it.

Grabows14 · July 2013

Not sure what the circumstance is of why she dropped out. However, if your sister dropped out because of a falling out, then I say sure.

aurianna · July 2013

Also don't promote any of the other girls to MOH.
The new MOH will feel like a second choice and the other girls will feel like third choices.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

Grabows14 said:

Not sure what the circumstance is of why she dropped out. However, if your sister dropped out because of a falling out, then I say sure.

@grabows, no she shouldn't...because even if the sister is 100% in the wrong, the girl that gets chosen as the replacement will know she is a second choice and wasn't originally wanted : (

QueerFemme · July 2013

No. Don't replace her. It's perfectly fine to have uneven sides.

Grabows14 · July 2013

@bmorebride6 if she is close to other bridesmaids then they would know exactly what the bride is going through right now. If I was in her BMs position i wouldn't feel bad at all. But it really depends on the situation... I wouldn't upgrade if there were extenuating circumstances where she couldn't be there. If the moh chose not to be part of the wedding from an argument or a falling out then it's petty, she shouldn't have no one standing next to her bc of that. She would probably have to answer questions on why there is no moh and I personally wouldn't want to deal with replaying the incident over every time someone asks.

AddieCake · July 2013

Grabows14 said:

If the moh chose not to be part of the wedding from an argument or a falling out then it's petty, she shouldn't have no one standing next to her bc of that. She would probably have to answer questions on why there is no moh and I personally wouldn't want to deal with replaying the incident over every time someone asks.

How is she having no one standing next to her b/c she has no MOH? I had no MOH, and.....checking.....yep. There are 2 women standing next to me at my wedding. Nobody asks questions about why there is or isn't an MOH.

Grabows14 · July 2013

@addieL73 i guess I'm a little paranoid of questions. If you didn't get any maybe I'm over thinking it. I'm not 100% don't replace the moh, but I definitely feel for her and her frustration.

zitiqueen · July 2013

Hendrix13 said:

so my sister decided to drop out of the wedding. she was also my maid of honor.. I tried to include her in my wedding but then she pulls this stunt. my fi feels i should replace her so we will have the same amount standing on each side. on hand i would like to have someone but then again on the other Im not so sure i should .. dont know what to do?

Can you clarify what I've bolded?

Also, your nuptials will still be legally binding even if you have an uneven bridal party. I promise.

Hendrix13 · July 2013

my sister went with me twice to help pick out my dress. my mom and i had a disagreement where my mom was totally just being unreasonable. once the agruement took place with only mom and i, the sister fed off mom feelings and decided not to be apart of the wedding . I informed her I wanted her in and how much it meant to me. However i left the decision up to her to chose cause it was no longer my choice. at this point, maturity comes in place when you put a side whatever differences you may have and be there for someone especially if its family esp siblings. just my opinion but thats the whole reason

i believe i will just leave it alone for now

Liz0908 · July 2013

Sorry that she dropped out, but replacing her would cause even more hurt feelings. That's how I would feel at least.

lauralynn83 · August 2013

I don't know about anyone else, but I actually had a friend (who is somewhat gifted shall we say) who is in my wedding party tell me that they talked to my wedding party and that someone said they would gladly step up if/when another person quit. I sat down with them and we talked about the potential situation. None of my people were mad or upset, but then again they brought it up, so maybe that's the big difference for me. My wedding party even said that if this happens they would not only not have hurt feelings, but would just be angry for me and upset with the person who quit. When one of my bridesmaids quit shortly after that talk, we just went on as if nothing had changed but they all agreed that if it happened with anyone else, they would simply "step up" for me and "handle it".

Simply Fated · August 2013

lauralynn83 said:

I don't know about anyone else, but I actually had a friend (who is somewhat gifted shall we say) who is in my wedding party tell me that they talked to my wedding party and that someone said they would gladly step up if/when another person quit. I sat down with them and we talked about the potential situation. None of my people were mad or upset, but then again they brought it up, so maybe that's the big difference for me. My wedding party even said that if this happens they would not only not have hurt feelings, but would just be angry for me and upset with the person who quit. When one of my bridesmaids quit shortly after that talk, we just went on as if nothing had changed but they all agreed that if it happened with anyone else, they would simply "step up" for me and "handle it".

How did this conversation even come up? They were all just sitting around one day, sipping mimosas and someone randomly brought up the topic of one of them possibly quitting?

lauralynn83 · August 2013

My friend who is gifted told me, and a few of my girls, that she knew someone would be quitting, including who, and why so they decided to talk to me about it. My friend has never been wrong when telling me about something that will happen before, she's one of the few people who have that gift that i have know to be 100% accurate. I don't ask how she knows, but she only says something if she feels that she has to. She spoke to the other girls and asked their advice before she talked to me.

jackibell · August 2013

My friends maid of honor wasn't doing ANYTHING to help the bride because she was too busy with her own insane life that she created. My friend was stressed that things wouldn't get done, so after a lot of thinking, she asked her to be a bridesmaid instead to relieve the pressure from both of them. I am very close to the bride & I was asked to step into the maid of honors roll. I don't look at it as being second choice. I look at it is the bride noticed right away that her maid of honor wanted to have that position but wouldn't take things seriously, where as I was already helping the bride with things. There has been no friction and now everyone is happy & stress free.

artbyallie · August 2013

jackibell said:

My friends maid of honor wasn't doing ANYTHING to help the bride because she was too busy with her own insane life that she created. My friend was stressed that things wouldn't get done, so after a lot of thinking, she asked her to be a bridesmaid instead to relieve the pressure from both of them. I am very close to the bride & I was asked to step into the maid of honors roll. I don't look at it as being second choice. I look at it is the bride noticed right away that her maid of honor wanted to have that position but wouldn't take things seriously, where as I was already helping the bride with things. There has been no friction and now everyone is happy & stress free.

Yeah, right. I guarantee the original MOH thinks both you and the bride are total bitches and she's just not saying anything to avoid making waves. Ten to one she never speaks to either of you again after the wedding.

Jen4948 · August 2013

Hendrix13 said:

so my sister decided to drop out of the wedding. she was also my maid of honor.. I tried to include her in my wedding but then she pulls this stunt. my fi feels i should replace her so we will have the same amount standing on each side. on hand i would like to have someone but then again on the other Im not so sure i should .. dont know what to do?

Your FI is wrong. Anyone you ask to replace your sister will know that they were asked only as a replacement, and that's hurtful, so don't make the request. You don't need to have the same number of attendants on each side. Just let it go (not your sister leaving, but the idea that you need to have the same number of attendants on each side). I am sorry that your sister stepped down.

Teddy917 · August 2013

jackibell said:
My friends maid of honor wasn't doing ANYTHING to help the bride because she was too busy with her own insane life that she created. My friend was stressed that things wouldn't get done, so after a lot of thinking, she asked her to be a bridesmaid instead to relieve the pressure from both of them. I am very close to the bride & I was asked to step into the maid of honors roll. I don't look at it as being second choice. I look at it is the bride noticed right away that her maid of honor wanted to have that position but wouldn't take things seriously, where as I was already helping the bride with things. There has been no friction and now everyone is happy & stress free.

There was nothing to be taken seriously. All she needed to do was show up in the dress on time and sober. It's nice that you were willing to help but that was your choice.

Also, I see that reason as even worse than even sides or whatever other reason people have for "promoting" second choices. You were "promoted" because you would do stuff for the bride. So basically you were promoted to servant.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

jackibell said:

My friends maid of honor wasn't doing ANYTHING to help the bride because she was too busy with her own insane life that she created. My friend was stressed that things wouldn't get done, so after a lot of thinking, she asked her to be a bridesmaid instead to relieve the pressure from both of them. I am very close to the bride & I was asked to step into the maid of honors roll. I don't look at it as being second choice. I look at it is the bride noticed right away that her maid of honor wanted to have that position but wouldn't take things seriously, where as I was already helping the bride with things. There has been no friction and now everyone is happy & stress free.

That's great that you don't think you were second choice, but you were. You were chosen second (second choice).

On second thought, high five to the bride for convincing you that being the bride's second choice is an honor to be bestowed upon those who are good with 3 ring binders and color coordination.

WildMagelet · August 2013

Your BP doesn't have to be even. Don't replace her as a BM and don't promote one of the other girls to MOH.

I would worry more about repairing my relationship with my sister.

MissMolly · August 2013

Teddy917 said:

My friends maid of honor wasn't doing ANYTHING to help the bride because she was too busy with her own insane life that she created. My friend was stressed that things wouldn't get done, so after a lot of thinking, she asked her to be a bridesmaid instead to relieve the pressure from both of them. I am very close to the bride & I was asked to step into the maid of honors roll. I don't look at it as being second choice. I look at it is the bride noticed right away that her maid of honor wanted to have that position but wouldn't take things seriously, where as I was already helping the bride with things. There has been no friction and now everyone is happy & stress free.
There was nothing to be taken seriously. All she needed to do was show up in the dress on time and sober. It's nice that you were willing to help but that was your choice. Also, I see that reason as even worse than even sides or whatever other reason people have for "promoting" second choices. You were "promoted" because you would do stuff for the bride. So basically you were promoted to servant.

Something like this happened with me and a friend who isn't a friend anymore. She was the bride; I was the MOH, and she had 1 other BM. I also was doing the music for her ceremony, and apparently, the JOP wouldn't let me do both music and signing of the register, so I was demoted, and the other girl was promoted to MOH. I didn't particularly care at the time, as our friendship was on the fritz well before then, but it still stung a little bit. And, just for the record, that's not why we aren't friends anymore.

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