Snarky Brides

Overreacting

I know I am overreacting but I need to get this off my chest and get some sound advice. 

My FI and I got engaged a few months ago and it will me our first wedding. My cousin, who is in her mid 30's and just recently got divorced, offered to help me plan which I thought was great because she is super organized and having been married kind of knows what needs to be done for a wedding. That lasted all of maybe a week until she announced her engagement. Don't get me wrong I was very excited for her and her FI who is wonderful. What irritated me is that it happened so soon after our engagement but I was aware I was acting like a child. I was feeling fine about the whole thing until she started pressing for details such as dates and themes and what not. I told her the basics the date we wanted and our theme only to have her tell me they were thinking of a date very close to ours, like same week, and that she wanted the same theme, yes I know I don't have my theme trademarked or anything. So my FI and I decided that we really liked our date so we just decided to move the wedding back a year, which will help with finances since I'm just finishing school. Now I come to find out that she didn't pick the date that she had been insistant on and instead chose the date of our grandmother's birthday. I think this is a cool way to honor her, but after she threw a fit about that other date? Now I did create a Pintrest board with wedding ideas but at the time she did not use Pintrest. She started soon after her engagement and promptly started following my board and repined everything directly onto her board. What really bugs me is that this is the second marriage for both her and her FI and they are making a huge production out of it. She even sent me a text accidentally that was supposed to go to her FI's daughter saying "well your dad says i can have whatever I want for my day," am I crazy or does that seem snarky and inappropriate to send to your FI's daughter? The worst part is that ever since she got engaged she has been ignoring me when we have family functions and whispering behind my back. I almost want to completely change my theme just to avoid drama. At this point I just want these weddings over so that everything can go back to normal for us because we used to be very very close.

Like I said I know this is crazy but I needed to vent and could always use suggestions for how to not let these things bother me, to keep our relationship intact, and whatever else you got :) Thank you!

Re: Overreacting

  • The way I see it is imitation is the best form of flattery. It doesn't matter if everything is the same... Who you are marrying is completely different.

    Congrats on your engagement! :)

  • elleag said:
    I know I am overreacting but I need to get this off my chest and get some sound advice. 

    My FI and I got engaged a few months ago and it will me our first wedding. My cousin, who is in her mid 30's and just recently got divorced, offered to help me plan which I thought was great because she is super organized and having been married kind of knows what needs to be done for a wedding. That lasted all of maybe a week until she announced her engagement. Don't get me wrong I was very excited for her and her FI who is wonderful. What irritated me is that it happened so soon after our engagement but I was aware I was acting like a child. I was feeling fine about the whole thing until she started pressing for details such as dates and themes and what not. I told her the basics the date we wanted and our theme only to have her tell me they were thinking of a date very close to ours, like same week, and that she wanted the same theme, yes I know I don't have my theme trademarked or anything. So my FI and I decided that we really liked our date so we just decided to move the wedding back a year, which will help with finances since I'm just finishing school. Now I come to find out that she didn't pick the date that she had been insistant on and instead chose the date of our grandmother's birthday. I think this is a cool way to honor her, but after she threw a fit about that other date? Now I did create a Pintrest board with wedding ideas but at the time she did not use Pintrest. She started soon after her engagement and promptly started following my board and repined everything directly onto her board. What really bugs me is that this is the second marriage for both her and her FI and they are making a huge production out of it. She even sent me a text accidentally that was supposed to go to her FI's daughter saying "well your dad says i can have whatever I want for my day," am I crazy or does that seem snarky and inappropriate to send to your FI's daughter? The worst part is that ever since she got engaged she has been ignoring me when we have family functions and whispering behind my back. I almost want to completely change my theme just to avoid drama. At this point I just want these weddings over so that everything can go back to normal for us because we used to be very very close.

    Like I said I know this is crazy but I needed to vent and could always use suggestions for how to not let these things bother me, to keep our relationship intact, and whatever else you got :) Thank you!
    I don't see what it being her second marriage matters. There is no law that says you can't have a nice, big wedding the second time around. 

    As for the theme, if your weddings are now a year apart, odds are they won't really be that much the same and nobody will connect the two, unless your theme is something glaringly obvious like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

    The text was not necessarily snarky or inappropriate. You don't even know what it was in response to. 

    Make your Pinterest board private for your wedding, and then she won't be able to steal from it. 

    You're both getting married. Just relax and enjoy it. Stop worrying what she is doing and focus on your own wedding. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • The other thing you can do is just not tell her details. If she doesn't know them, she can't copy them.

    Congratulations and good luck!
  • Stop sharing with her.  If your wedding is now a year later, it's easy to say, "Oh, we haven't decided on that yet".  Your ideas are going to continually change and evolve over that extra year too, so they're going to look different anyway.  Congratulations on your engagement!!

  • Can I make a board private if other people can pin to it? My MOH is helping me out a lot so it's a group board. Thank you though. Like I said I know I'm overreacting and no it being her second marriage shouldn't influence anything. And you are right my ideas will continue to change as they already have slightly. I honestly had not thought about just saying we didn't make a decision yet so thank you for that advice!
  • elleag said:
    Can I make a board private if other people can pin to it? My MOH is helping me out a lot so it's a group board. Thank you though. Like I said I know I'm overreacting and no it being her second marriage shouldn't influence anything. And you are right my ideas will continue to change as they already have slightly. I honestly had not thought about just saying we didn't make a decision yet so thank you for that advice!
    Yes.  You can make a private board and "invite" people to have access.  So you can have a private, group board.
  • Keep in mind that the theme of a wedding should be "wedding"...no other theme (Southern, pirates, whatever) should be necessary. The day is a celebration of the union between you and your fiance - keep your eye on the prize and focus on that.

    Also realize that if you pinned something to your wedding Pinterest board - it means that at least one, but probably lots of other people have done the same thing before you. The people you are pinning the ideas from are not mad that you are using their ideas.

    I don't think it's wrong that your cousin has similar taste to you, and I think she should have as big of a production as she wants and can afford...regardless if this is her 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriage.

  • elleag said:
    I know I am overreacting but I need to get this off my chest and get some sound advice. 

    My FI and I got engaged a few months ago and it will me our first wedding. My cousin, who is in her mid 30's and just recently got divorced, offered to help me plan which I thought was great because she is super organized and having been married kind of knows what needs to be done for a wedding. That lasted all of maybe a week until she announced her engagement. Don't get me wrong I was very excited for her and her FI who is wonderful. What irritated me is that it happened so soon after our engagement but I was aware I was acting like a child. I was feeling fine about the whole thing until she started pressing for details such as dates and themes and what not. I told her the basics the date we wanted and our theme only to have her tell me they were thinking of a date very close to ours, like same week, and that she wanted the same theme, yes I know I don't have my theme trademarked or anything. So my FI and I decided that we really liked our date so we just decided to move the wedding back a year, which will help with finances since I'm just finishing school. Now I come to find out that she didn't pick the date that she had been insistant on and instead chose the date of our grandmother's birthday. I think this is a cool way to honor her, but after she threw a fit about that other date? Now I did create a Pintrest board with wedding ideas but at the time she did not use Pintrest. She started soon after her engagement and promptly started following my board and repined everything directly onto her board. What really bugs me is that this is the second marriage for both her and her FI and they are making a huge production out of it. She even sent me a text accidentally that was supposed to go to her FI's daughter saying "well your dad says i can have whatever I want for my day," am I crazy or does that seem snarky and inappropriate to send to your FI's daughter? The worst part is that ever since she got engaged she has been ignoring me when we have family functions and whispering behind my back. I almost want to completely change my theme just to avoid drama. At this point I just want these weddings over so that everything can go back to normal for us because we used to be very very close.

    Like I said I know this is crazy but I needed to vent and could always use suggestions for how to not let these things bother me, to keep our relationship intact, and whatever else you got :) Thank you!
    She sounds annoying.  Vent away but I'd just continue planning your wedding, on your terms, and don't talk about it at all with her.

    And there's nothing wrong with going all out for a second wedding.  Sometimes things don't work out.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Keep in mind that the theme of a wedding should be "wedding"...no other theme (Southern, pirates, whatever) should be necessary.

    Damnit, now I want a pirate wedding!!!  :) 

    Kidding (kind of).

    Seriously, all of these women are right.  Yes, it's annoying, but....everyone has the same "theme" at their wedding; marriage.

    Just remember it's you and your FI's special day.  :)
  • Keep in mind that the theme of a wedding should be "wedding"...no other theme (Southern, pirates, whatever) should be necessary.

    Damnit, now I want a pirate wedding!!!  :) 

    Kidding (kind of).

    Seriously, all of these women are right.  Yes, it's annoying, but....everyone has the same "theme" at their wedding; marriage.

    Just remember it's you and your FI's special day.  :)
    One of my friends is having a pirate wedding. Not really - but their STDs had a pirate theme to them (since wrote her PhD on pirate literature so it's very fitting - plus she and her FI met on a ship).

    They read something like "Bride and Groom ARGH going to walk the plank on date" with some other pirate humor thrown in. Totally awesome.

    OP - take a deep breath, be happy you can vent here to a room of anonymous wedding enthusiasts, and relax. Everything will work out for the good and you will have a wonderful wedding day, regardless of your cousin's current behavior.
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  • nsweare said:
    allispain said:

    Keep in mind that the theme of a wedding should be "wedding"...no other theme (Southern, pirates, whatever) should be necessary.

    Damnit, now I want a pirate wedding!!!  :) 

    Kidding (kind of).

    Seriously, all of these women are right.  Yes, it's annoying, but....everyone has the same "theme" at their wedding; marriage.

    Just remember it's you and your FI's special day.  :)
    One of my friends is having a pirate wedding. Not really - but their STDs had a pirate theme to them (since wrote her PhD on pirate literature so it's very fitting - plus she and her FI met on a ship).

    They read something like "Bride and Groom ARGH going to walk the plank on date" with some other pirate humor thrown in. Totally awesome.

    OP - take a deep breath, be happy you can vent here to a room of anonymous wedding enthusiasts, and relax. Everything will work out for the good and you will have a wonderful wedding day, regardless of your cousin's current behavior.

    Someone can get a PhD is Pirate Literature???? What school offers that? Haaaarrrrrvard? Get it? I crack myself up.
    Hahaha very well done. (Insert applause here).

    And no, the PhD was in a normal lit program - she just happened to pick pirate lit as her topic :-)
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  • @nsweare Laughing so hard I tooted.
  • Whew girl! I would be irritated by all of that cousin nonsense myself! Nobody wants to feel cheated out on their own wedding day...and I would definitely feel annoyed.
    Just dont share anymore details.
    The silver lining in all this will be that she has her wedding first and you can have more control of doing everything she doesn't lol and still making it personal for you! 
    Also..I find that text kind of weird as well. I dont know the whole context of it but I dont find it very appropriate to speak to a future step-daughter that way...
  • I have kind of been in the same boat as you. I got engaged 2 months ago with a cousin and best friend both engaged they already had their dates chosen so I tried to steer clear of them. (one was in October the other not until next August) My cousin getting married next year threw an absolute fit when she found out we wanted to get married in March of next year not because we would be getting married before her but because it was in her year and was somehow unfair to her. So my fiancee and I talked it over and decided we didn't want to wait 2 years to get married so we decided on New Year's Eve this year we loved the idea it still gave us time to plan and it didn't start a family fight. We thought we fixed everything until I guess my wedding is upsetting my best friend I'm in her wedding she's in mine but she has suddenly decided to not be there for me in my planning. She has been petty about everything from my diamond size (mine is like the tinniest bit bigger than hers) to my dress to how tacky my date is. And the topper is she didn't invite my fiancee to her wedding. Sorry if it sounds like I'm venting I've had a hard time with this. But my point is there is always going to be someone trying to take away from you it's probably just jealousy don't let it bother you. The important thing is you get to marry the man of your dreams don't let anyone get you down this can be a hard enough time as is. And def keep your wedding board on pinterest private trust me it helps. Good luck 
  • Personal Opinion: Huge second weddings are trashy.
  • MrsRadke said:
    Personal Opinion: Huge second weddings are trashy.
    What? Like PPDs? Or people who have previously been divorced and are remarrying?



    Anniversary
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  • Private pinterest boards and details will save your life! I have a friend (i'm in her wedding, she in mine) who is getting married in october, about 6 months before me. Pretty much identical. Same colors, same theme, same decor. Apparently we have very similar taste. Whatever. People have similar taste, and even though it's frustrating, it's still your wedding. Things will be different, most importantly your groom. Try not to stress too much about it and stop telling her what you're doing.

    PS: You can add certain people to private boards, like you MOH, MIL, mom, whomever is not her.

     

  • People who had a huge first wedding, get divorced and then invite people to a second huge wedding. Every girl gets their one day to have the princess dress, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and make everyone stare at her and do what she wants. Having two is greedy. If you want to get married a second time close family and friends, not 300 people.
  • Just FYI, she sounds deranged. =) You're not overreacting! 
  • I really thinks it depends on what kind of attitude the bride has! I know some people who were as****** the first time and were- SURPRISE-as****** the second time. But then I think of some of the older girls that I know who are so excited and who want to be a princess and feel and look pretty and I think they deserve that, whether or not it's their first wedding.

    Just my 2 cents!
  • @MrsRadke, what if only the groom had a huge first wedding?  Would you still be opposed to a huge second wedding and find it "trashy"?
  • MrsRadke said:
    People who had a huge first wedding, get divorced and then invite people to a second huge wedding. Every girl gets their one day to have the princess dress, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and make everyone stare at her and do what she wants. Having two is greedy. If you want to get married a second time close family and friends, not 300 people.

    "Whoops, you failed the first time! Too bad for you!"

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