Snarky Brides

Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?

Good Morning!!

My FI doesn't want a wedding band. I want him to have a wedding band. Currently he works as a mower operator, but that will change when he gets his bachelor of education that the mower job is paying for. I understand that he won't be able to wear it when he's mowing. I get that; my dad is a farmer and has his wedding band in the house for date nights and those days when he isn't playing in grease and places the ring could catch and tae off his finger/hand. My FI says that rings feel weird. Yes, initially they do, but he has never had a ring before and is failing to understand that the weirdness goes away. It's something that irks me a bit and I'm not totally sure why. I've thought about it, but obviously haven't struck gold yet. I will have a wedding band and for me it means that I am proud to be married and want to show off that I am. I don't get it and he dosn't feel the need to explain any more than "They feel funny." Am I wrong to push for this?
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Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?

  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?:
    Good Morning!! My FI doesn't want a wedding band. I want him to have a wedding band. Currently he works as a mower operator, but that will change when he gets his bachelor of education that the mower job is paying for. I understand that he won't be able to wear it when he's mowing. I get that; my dad is a farmer and has his wedding band in the house for date nights and those days when he isn't playing in grease and places the ring could catch and tae off his finger/hand. My FI says that rings feel weird. Yes, initially they do, but he has never had a ring before and is failing to understand that the weirdness goes away. It's something that irks me a bit and I'm not totally sure why. I've thought about it, but obviously haven't struck gold yet. I will have a wedding band and for me it means that I am proud to be married and want to show off that I am. I don't get it and he dosn't feel the need to explain any more than "They feel funny." Am I wrong to push for this?
    Posted by Sydney91

    I understand, I think it would bother me if BF said he didn't want to wear a wedding ring.  Have you tried on different types of rings with him?  Maybe a thinner ring or a lighter metal would be more comfortable and less "strange" to him.

    I agree that when you start wearing a ring on a finger that isn't using to having a ring it feels strange.  It goes away.  Tell your fiance I said so.  Wink

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  • Honestly, I understand where you are bothered by it - when H realized he couldn't wear one at work, I was irked that he just wouldn't wear one at all. 8 months later? I wear his wedding band on my right hand (along with mine on the left), and I've realized that him not wearing a ring doesn't mean he's not proud to be married to me. A $500 piece of metal doesn't change our relationship. (That said, H enjoyed wearing his ring and is looking at getting a wooden when since it would be non-conductive and acceptable for his line of work.)
  • What PP have said. It does take some getting used to. But also if it isn't safe for him to wear in his line of work, I would say he is more important than a ring.


  • I'm glad that I'm not totally out to lunch on this! Is it okay for me to push him to get the ring anyway, just in case he ever changes his mind and decides he would like to wear it? If he didn't ever want to wear it, I think I would be pacified with the fact that one actually does belong to him and wouldn't insist that he wear it. Or should I not bother with it?
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  • In Response to Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?:
    I'm glad that I'm not totally out to lunch on this! Is it okay for me to push him to get the ring anyway, just in case he ever changes his mind and decides he would like to wear it? If he didn't ever want to wear it, I think I would be pacified with the fact that one actually does belong to him and wouldn't insist that he wear it. Or should I not bother with it?
    Posted by Sydney91
    I personally wouldn't push it. If he decides he wants to wear one when he changes careers/positions later on, then reapproach the subject then. He's made it clear he isn't interested in wearing one. Accept that.
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    In Response to Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?:
    I'm glad that I'm not totally out to lunch on this! Is it okay for me to push him to get the ring anyway, just in case he ever changes his mind and decides he would like to wear it? If he didn't ever want to wear it, I think I would be pacified with the fact that one actually does belong to him and wouldn't insist that he wear it. Or should I not bother with it?
    Posted by Sydney91
    I wouldn't push the issue, but let him know how important it is to you to have this physical symbol of your marriage.  

    For me, I would feel weird about purchasing something months after the fact.  It wouldn't seem like a "wedding ring" if it wasn't given during the ceremony, but maybe i'm just crazy like that.
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  • It sounds like he doesn't have the right ring for him, tbh.  My H thought I was being mean when I made him visit 5 different stores and try on rings until I got more than a 'meh' from him about rings he was trying on.

    Eventually, he started to realize that certain rings were more comfortable to wear, and that he DID have preferences.  By the last store, he had taken over, knew exactly what he wanted, and was super proud of the ring he finally found.  He won't even take it off long enough to let ME hold it, half the time :P.
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  • The only reason I can think of your FI *needeing* a ring is if you're having a Catholic ceremony. If not, I wouldn't push it if he really doesn't want to wear one.

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  • Could you see if he would mind getting a super cheap one? I wouldn't push him, but his hesitation may be that he will feel guilty if you spend a lot of money on it and he can't wear it often. There's less guilt to be had over a $50 ring than a $500 ring.
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  • In Response to Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?:
    Could you see if he would mind getting a super cheap one? I wouldn't push him, but his hesitation may be that he will feel guilty if you spend a lot of money on it and he can't wear it often. There's less guilt to be had over a $50 ring than a $500 ring.
    Posted by bunni727
    This is a very good point. My stepdad's wedding ring looks super expensive and nice. It is a $15 medical grade steel band my parents found at a jewelry cart in Mexico. He's worn it for 15 years and loves it.
  • tlc35tlc35
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
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    I understand but I wouldn't push it.  My Dad has never worn a ring and my parents have been together for 40 years so I don't equate it to love and committment as much as others.   I still would like to exchange rings at the wedding even if FI doesn't wear it all the time.  If he feels strongly though I wouldn't push too much.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    Some people just don't like the feel of things on their fingers.  It's his body and his right to decide.



  • Like PP, my dad also has never worn a wedding band and he and my mom have been together (and, honestly, still like two teenagers in love) for over 30 years. I asked my mom about it once and whether it bothered her and she said that Dad simply doesn't like wearing jewelry of any kind and that he's devoted to her and that's all that matters. Frankly, it WOULD bother me a bit, so I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. This may sound totally crazy, but the reason I would feel weird about it is because (as the woman) I am wearing something that displays my relationship status, whereas FI (the man) is not. I know that's crazy because it doesn't necessarily have to do with gender (in)equality, and plenty of men don't wear rings either for work purposes or because they just don't like the way it feels! And, as my mom told me once. a ring is no indication of devotion - it's how you treat each other. Honestly, I wouldn't push it too far, but I think it's worth trying to organize your thoughts and pinpoint exactly why you feel the way you do and expressing it to your FI. Perhaps when he hears how important it is to you, he will be more open to getting one that he can wear when he's in a different job. And to echo everyone else, rings do take some getting used to, but eventually you often feel like they're not even there. Ultimately, though, it's still his choice and you should respect that.
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  • You are not having a Bridezilla moment- I wouldn't accept that excuse from my Fiance no matter if he was Prince William or Jesus Christ Himself

    The "hip" thing to do nowadays is tattoo wedding band. If that is something he is comfortable with then he will not have to worry about wearing his own skin while he works
  • In Response to Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?:
    Could you see if he would mind getting a super cheap one? I wouldn't push him, but his hesitation may be that he will feel guilty if you spend a lot of money on it and he can't wear it often. There's less guilt to be had over a $50 ring than a $500 ring.
    Posted by bunni727

    Exactly this. My FI bought a tungsten ring. It looks nice, didn't cost much and he has already said he might not wear it all the time. My Dad has lost 2 wedding bands and has pretty much spent most of his 35 year marriage to my Mom not wearing one, it doesn't mean anything, unless you want it to...
  • One of the reasons some women really want the man to wear a ring is that there is that visual clue that he is in a relationship and off the market, so to speak.  I'm not saying this is what you are meaning by it, but one that is very common.  A ring is no guarantee that any one will be faithful.  The ring can be taken off, which is why there is a ring with "married" on the inside of the band that imprints on the skin.  The ring can stay on and the person still strays or the other party doesn't care either. 

    My H isn't supposed to wear a ring at work, but does so anyway.  I love that he does and how much it means to him to wear it.  I also love him enough that if he chose to stop wearing it, or had to, that I would work to let it go.  Very politely ask for clarification on "why" he doesn't want to.  If it really is due to the uncomfortable aspect of it, then let it go.  You and I know the feeling does eventually go away, but he may he hypersensitive to touch.  I have two step kids who are hypersensitive to food texture and really fight on trying new foods.  Our compromise is try two bites of food, then decide if you do or do not like it.  Maybe he could compromise and wear a "trial" ring for a short length of time, then make the decision to have/wear a wedding ring.

  • My background is in the visual arts, and I've mainly done sculpture and design.  In college and in Grad School I took many sculpture courses.  I am extremely careful when I work with dangerous tools in dangerous environments to avoid extra risks.  Wearing a ring, a bracelet, having long hair, a scarf, a dangling sleeve, nail polish, these are all dangerous in certain components of sculpture (things I have done include: welding, forging metal, foundry work, glass blowing, sandblasting, flame work, pressing, crimping or metal punching machine for jewelry design etc.).  If I was your husband, and this would be no reflection on my love for you or our marriage, there would be no way in hell I'd wear anything that had the slightest chance of causing me injury. It would simply be a not-open-for-debate safety precaution.

  • In Response to Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment?:
    In Response to Re: Wedding Band Troubles - Am I Having a Bridezilla Moment? : Exactly this. My FI bought a tungsten ring. It looks nice, didn't cost much and he has already said he might not wear it all the time. My Dad has lost 2 wedding bands and has pretty much spent most of his 35 year marriage to my Mom not wearing one, it doesn't mean anything, unless you want it to...
    Posted by jennyd412
    Mine too! He found a really nice tungsten ring that was something like $250, but just for kicks, he looked on Amazon.com and found the exact same one for $25, shipping included. I was a little worried about the quality of it but when we got it in the mail, it was perfect!
  • Talk to your girlfriends and/or FI's friends, and find someone who has a comfortable ring and then he can talk to your FI about it.

    My DH chose a titanium ring for $125.  Here's why:

    He thought all wedding rings for men were shiny and he didn't want a shiny, "Look who just got married" ring.  The titanium ring he chose has a brushed finish so it isn't shiny.

    He thought all wedding rings for men were super expensive but this one was $125.

    He thought all wedding rings for men would be uncomfortable and feel funny.  This one has a comfort fit so it fits comfortably and snugly on his finger.

    So find out why your FI isn't interested.  You can have your friend or FI's friend talk to him about it and then tell you, and then you can counter those reasons with reality like I've listed here.
  • Not wearing a ring happens fairly often these days.  I wonder though if he has given you reason for it to bother you?  Also, not wearing a ring and having a ring are too different things. I have a friend who wears her ring on a necklace because her fingers swell.  However, if it just bothers you and you don't have any issues, personally, I would be p.o.'d if my husband didn't have a ring, much less wear it.  Several people have stated on here that it's the vow not the ring that makes a marriage.  This is true.  However, the ring also shows others that someone is married.  Yes, it can be taken off, but I know I would be offended if my fiance wasn't planning on wearing his.  Only you can know how much you can push him.  Also, how come you ahve to give in to him on this?  I say meet in the middle, tell him you are ok with him not always wearing it but you want him to have it and wear it occassionaly.  You can always get an inexpensive band and then you ar eboth meeting in the middle, hopefully.
  • natswildnatswild The F-f-f-rozen N-n-north (Northern Alberta)
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    We have talked about him having a ring, and he's said specifically "no", which I'm fine with, the job that he has he could potentially de-glove his finger if it got caught in machinery, or cause his finger to end up amputated, that kind of thing.  I work in a different arm of the same kind of work, so I know where he's coming from.  He also doesn't wear any kind of jewellery whatsoever, not even a watch.  The only time I've seen him with a watch in the 3 years I've known him was when he bought one just prior to flying to Africa, so that he wouldn't miss his flight, lol!
    I may ask him at some point if he would be okay with having a ring for the ceremony, that he could put away with my jewelery afterwards...

  • If he is worried about wearing a ring cause of his job he can get a ring that will simply shatter if pressure is applied. My older brother has a ring like that and my fi is looking too get a ceramic ring that will also shatter if caught in machinery. The ring he really likes and wants to get is off amazon and is $18. I'm happy and he's happy. Cause he and I had a bit of a tiff with him wearing a ring that is similar to the op. there are a ton of options out there for him for rings.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet
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    natswild said:
    We have talked about him having a ring, and he's said specifically "no", which I'm fine with, the job that he has he could potentially de-glove his finger if it got caught in machinery, or cause his finger to end up amputated, that kind of thing.  I work in a different arm of the same kind of work, so I know where he's coming from.  He also doesn't wear any kind of jewellery whatsoever, not even a watch.  The only time I've seen him with a watch in the 3 years I've known him was when he bought one just prior to flying to Africa, so that he wouldn't miss his flight, lol!
    I may ask him at some point if he would be okay with having a ring for the ceremony, that he could put away with my jewelery afterwards...
    Again, who are you talking to?



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    simplykaylamisssunshine17
  • You could always get a chain to go WITH the ring. My mom wore her wedding ring on a chain (sometimes a pin) when she worked as an RN at a nursing home.
  • Was anyone else confused at first because they thought we would be discussing a MUSICAL wedding band for the ceremony? Haha it threw me off for a second!
    Here are my fun options: 
    1. Somehow have him slip into a month long coma and place a ring on his finger so that by the time he wakes up, he is used to wearing the ring
    2. Suggest getting a ring tattooed on his finger
  • I like PP's answer.   :)  Especially answer #1

    But, suggesting a tattoo was something I thought about while reading this thread.  I knew a musician who didn't want to wear one since he played guitar and didn't want the ring to hit the strings... or what not.  Point being, he got a tattoo.  So, someone who works with their hands, a tattoo ring seems like a logical answer.

    But, I do also agree that surely a thin ring of light material would be something reasonable for him to try.  

    I would find it uncomfortable, personally, if my H wouldn't entertain the idea of even having a ring, even if he didn't wear it all the time - only wearing it on special occasions.  


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