What about a FIFTH wedding?

ChiGirl2013 · July 2013

My dad is getting ready to walk down the aisle for the fifth time. My mom was his first wife, and none of his marriages have lasted more than 5 years. Two of my stepmothers treated my sisters and I horribly, one never really warmed up to us one way or the other, and this newest one won't even speak to us for some reason. She hasn't bothered to get to know us, won't respond when I try to talk to her, and apparently it all stemmed from her feeling disrespected that I didn't send her a seperate thank you card at Christmas 3 years ago, even though the gifts my family received were from both my dad and her on the tag - so I sent the thank you note to both of them. She didn't like that, according to my dad, and felt I disrespected her. Ever since then, she won't even acknowledge when I try to talk to her.

I don't even want to go to the wedding. In fact, I just got married in April and my dad didn't even attend my wedding. He claimed he couldn't get off work,although I know people he works with and they have put so many holes in his story that I wonder if dad's fiancee didn't have something to do with him not coming to the wedding. Anyway, since my future stepmom obviously hates me, should I skip the wedding so she can enjoy her day? If I go, what sort of gift do you give to someone who has been married 5 times?

Gisellerina · July 2013

I'd send the same type of gift I would send to any other wedding - especially if it's future stepmom's first wedding - first, fifth; I treat them all the same. I probably wouldn't take the time to attend their wedding though. But that's just me.

MikesAngie · July 2013

Treat the wedding as you would any distant relatives, you don't have to attend but you can send a gift if you want. You can find out if they are registered and get them something from that. It's too bad that she is being petty over a "thank you". She may also be feeling threatened knowing she is number 5 in a list of wives.

I'm sorry that your dad didn't attend your wedding that wasn't very nice of him and lying about it is just terrible.

ChiGirl2013 · July 2013

She has been married at least once that I know of. They are both in their early 60s and can pretty much buy anything they want. I got the invitation today and there is no registry info, and I was never invited to a shower. I haven't been able to find any registry info online, either. I feel sort of strange giving my father money for some reason, although I know it's acceptable.

As for them not attending, it didn't really bother me. Things have been very strained between us since she came onto the scene and I know if they were there it would have been very awkward and tense and I honestly didn't want to deal with that on my wedding day. To be honest, I didn't miss him not being there and didn't think about him at all that day. To me, he walked out on me long ago, as he has a long history of choosing his women over his children anyway.

What is a good "generic" gift for an older couple who already live together? I've never been to a wedding where there was no registry and I really do stink at picking out gifts, especially since I don't know her at all and haven't been invited to their home since she moved in and they completely remodeled the place. I know my dad has no hobbies - he's a workaholic and has always been difficult to buy for. Whatever I give, I'll include a gift receipt just in case, but I don't want to have it look like I didn't put any thought into it at all - that will just give her one more thing to complain about.

kryan32 · July 2013

How about a christmas ornament? The style / decor of them doesn't matter as much since they're seasonal so that might be good for an older couple who already has (or can buy) anything they need.

Lenox makes beautiful ornaments - wedding/bridal and others - and many of them can be personalized: http://www.lenox.com/ornaments?N=1460

Lots of other places sell yearly ornaments - this link is for the White House ornaments: http://www.whitehouseholidays.com/2013_Official_White_House_Ornament____i5690.aspx?gclid=CIP8qeiYwbgCFUkV7AodaHkApg

hth!

clg1213 · July 2013

Just sending some "I hear you" thoughts. My dad's second wife did the "evil stepmom" thing and it sucked, plus it really harmed our relationship (she punished him if she found out he called me!!). Luckily, #3 is kinder and we were able to get to a better place, but it still angers me to think about the lost years....I'd blame her for taking him away, but he was an adult and he has to be responsible for it all too.

As for a gift....Maybe a teaset (http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=40897950) and a few boxes of teas? Or a nice throw blanket (http://www.wayfair.com/Blankets-and-Throws-C415002.html)? Or champagne flutes (http://www.target.com/p/riedel-vivant-champagne-flutes-set-of-4/-/A-10077709#prodSlot=medium_1_17)?

right1thistime · July 2013

They probably don't need any trinkets or things. Give them a gift cert to a nice restaurant, to their favorite wine shop, or to a place they can use for their pastime (golf course, antique mall, craft shop).

carrotsmakemefat14 · September 2013

i wouldnt go. send a nice card

ChiGirl2013 · September 2013

It's next weekend, and we're going. Still no idea what to give them, though. The way I see it, since the venue is only 10 minutes from where I live, if I DIDN'T go, she would only use that as another reason to convince him that I'm the spawn of Satan. But since it starts at 6PM and my 6 year old doesn't last much past 8:30 or 9, thankfully we won't be there long. But at least we'll make an appearance. I'll make sure to give her a nice hug and welcome her to the family. Maybe she'll see that as the proverbial olive branch. *sigh*

Hopefully, my gift will be "enough" since last Christmas I was told that my $50 gift card to their favorite restaurant wasn't enough because it was for both of them. Apparently, I'm supposed to spend more money than my budget allowed. I am SO dreading this wedding.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

ok so did they send you a gift for your wedding, even though they didn't go??

ChiGirl2013 · September 2013

During the planning process, my dad gave me some money towards our photographer. He offered to pay for my dress, which he also did for my sister, but he never came through. When he realized he wasn't going to be able to come, he sent me a blank card with a check inside and wrote in it that I could either use the money to pay off whatever we needed to pay off, or if we had everything paid, to use the money as a gift. I wasn't sure what to make of that, but sent a thank you note and put it out of my head.

We did go to the wedding. Our table was right in front of the dj so it pretty much shattered our eardrums and erased any hope of being able to talk to my sister and her family. The bride and groom greeted us at the door and she welcomed us with a hug and a "Thank you for coming. I know you hate me, but I'm glad you came for your dad's sake. It really means a lot to him." That's pretty much all we saw of her all night until we sought them out to say goodbye. It was an awkward night - only 2 tables of dad's family and the rest was all her family. Her family said the blessing before dinner. Her family made all the toasts. Her family sat at the head table (they did a courthouse marriage with supposedly nobody in attendance so I don't know how they picked who to sit at the head table with them.) I felt like an unwanted stepchild. The food wasn't that great and I was very happy when it was time to leave.

But.... I made my appearance and gave them money in a card and smiled and said the typical congratulatory things. Nothing she can pick apart or complain about. Glad it's over.

MikesAngie · September 2013

I'm sorry that you had such an awful time. She doesn't sound like a very nice person at all.

ChiGirl2013 · September 2013

Eh. I don't know her well enough to judge her on that. She may very well be a nice person who just knows nothing about how to relate to people. At least I'm all grown up and don't have to live with them. ;-)

What about a FIFTH wedding?

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