When things fall apart

Re: When things fall apart

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  southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2013

  Chokolatemo said:

  My wedding is November 16th of this year at 10 am.  My fiancee' and I announced our date in December 2012 and whenever family, friends, etc asked us our date, we gave them that.  My relationship with one of my future SIL's is okay; not great but okay.  I asked her to do a reading for the ceremony and for her son to be the ringbearer.  She agreed.  My fiancee' asked  the same sister's boyfriend to be a groomsmen. He agreed.  We rented tuxedos based on everyone who said yes.  We finally mailed out the invitations last week.  This past Sunday, the future SIL sends a text message to her brother, my fiancee' saying that she'll probably get to the wedding by 10:30 am because of work.  I'm perplexed because I thought she would have cleared her calendar for her brother.  Nonetheless, my fiancee' replies back that we're trying to start as close to on time because of limo rentals and the reception start time.  Her response to that was we should have waited and planned our wedding for a later date so we wouldn't have to worry about finances.  Now, not only am I perplexed, I'm hurt and angry that she would say something like that.  The next day my fiancee' gets a message from the boyfriend saying he can't be in the wedding because he's working. Is this how my relationship is going to be with my in-laws?  I thought weddings were to be a merging of families, but it seems were being separated and pulled apart.  Any advice on how I should proceed is greatly appreciated.
  

  The wedding moves on without them. If your invitations said the wedding starts at 10am, then the wedding must start at 10am - NOT 10:30am because of one person who didn't clear her calendar. If they can't coordinate a wedding and their work schedule, they're idiots and, unforunately for them, they will miss your wedding. Nothing you can do about that. 

  
  

  For the SIL, I would do this: confirm with the SIL that she cannot make it. Let her know that due to her absence, you will not be having her do the reading that she agreed to do (she can't if she isn't there). If you want, find a new reader. If not, don't have a reading. 

  
  

  For SIL's boyfriend, I would have your fiance confirm with him that he cannot be there. "Hey man, I want to make absolutely sure that you're certain you can't be at the ceremony. If that's the case, then we're going to try to get the money back from your tux rental." (assuming you paid for his tux)

  
  Confirm whether they can make the reception. If they can, make sure you have spots and a meal for them.

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  shelyg89 member

  

  September 2013

  Agree with @southernbelle0915

  I don't understand how you can't clear your calendar for one day when you have about a year's notice? Does she have an 8-5 job? If so, seems silly to go in for 2 and a half hours then be able to make your wedding at her convenience. I would be taking that whole week off if it were my brother!! weird. Although annoying, dont change any plans over them.

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  Cokezerofreak member

  

  September 2013

  I'm sorry you are being put in this situation but I agree with southernbelle's advice.  Let them be the ones to pull out. 
  
  I'm having issues with my sister picking out her dress; she's the maid of honor.  We are only having our siblings stand up for us, so two of each.  She's giving me the hardest time.  Trying to explain to her that we need to order it to have plenty of time since FI's sister is in another state is falling on deaf ears.  Right now, I'm just standing back and letting her decide if she wants to be in the wedding.  If I say anything, it'll be a family rift I don't want to deal with. Lots of snarky comments from her, though, that are really hurtful.
  
  Just be calm and confirm their decision and move on. 
  

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